Stop Now
I've finally caught on. I have enabled our addict son for 15 years and he's only gotten worse. I no longer do everything for him. Consequently, he is about to lose his apartment and become homeless. He may make it okay or maybe not. I know now I can no longer help him. It's been a hard lesson for me to learn but for the first time in many years, I feel I have a heavy load off my shoulders.
--B

 Like the sanctity of the Little House - and Ingall’s tender touch
Forever true my love for you, I care for you so much

 Bound at birth no words can say - a truth we keep unseen
Nobody knows except for us, , , if you know what I mean

 We rule the best of both these worlds - two cards we hold to play
Where I can call you family, and love you either way

 Sacred pride and dignity - we cast into the night
But every time we meet again, we hold each other tight

 Unkind words of rumors pass - by hostile unseen hand
Will never serve to sway our love, what they don’t understand

I wait for you to break the chains - the chains of dust and lie
My love be with you through all your pains, until the day I die

--KS

My story with Meth by my side
   My story begins in October of 2006. I was a 19 year old college student, making good grades at TWU, but struggling with an abusive relationship with my former boyfriend. Little did I know that all the times he hit me he was high on crystal meth. Then, in early October, he introduced me to smoking meth. We stayed up all night long, playing board games, smoking speed with his meth addicted sister and her boyfriend. All in all, it was a blast and I enjoyed it. The second time I used was a couple of days before Halloween. That time was fun too, but there after followed many horrible consequences of my former boyfriend's meth driven punches and insanity. I still stayed with my former boyfriend as he vowed to me never touch meth again and I vowed the same to him. A couple of days before Thanksgiving, I did meth again with him and yet again had a blast, followed by an anxiety-ridden come down from hell. After that last time of using with my former boyfriend, I decided that I couldn't handle his abuse anymore or the life of a meth addict. I called my parents at 3 in the morning and told them everything. Luckily, the semester was almost over, so school was not effected in anyway.
   I checked myself into a rehab center with the help of my parents, and stayed there only a week. I didn't use again until late February of 2007, one week before my 20th birthday. I used meth again because I wanted to loose a little weight for the party. I think that one of the main reasons I used meth was for the weight loss benefits. I am 5'6 and have always weight around 130lbs., but to me at that time in my life I thought I was fat! I liked getting down to 100lbs. and feeling skinny, it made me feel good and better about myself, even though it was all fake. In early February of 2007, I met a meth-free man and we dated, eventually falling in love. I hid using meth from him for a little while, until I got him to try it with me just once and I promised him that it was my last encounter with meth. He believed me, and smoked the speed pipe with me. Honestly, I felt odd doing meth with him. I thank whoever was watching over us everyday that he ended up hating meth and has never touched it again. I on the other hand, continued to use and would lie to him telling him I didn't, until I would feel bad enough about lying and come clean to him about where I actually was the other night and what I was actually doing. All the while I was using meth from the end of February to early May 2007, I was able to hold down a job and fool everyone from my parents to my friends and my coworkers that I wasn't on meth. How I didn't get big red face marks or destroyed teeth, I will never know because by looking at me, I didn't look like your typical meth user whatsoever.
   Then one day my boyfriend came over to my apartment, I had been using all night and day and had just gotten off of work and had some meth waiting for me to pick up from my "friend's" house. I told my boyfriend this and he begged me not to go and pick the meth up. I begged him back to let me go and pleaded with him how bad I need it. He said if you leave, I won't be here when you get back and I believed him. He layed down on my bed and I followed him and layed down on top of him, crying about how badly I need meth and saying, "please, please, please let me go!" I finally fell asleep on top of him and he layed awake praying to God that I would stop using meth. I woke up about an hour later and had absolutley no craving for the drug. I'm not saying that God's power eased my addiction, when my boyfriend prayed, but I know that my boyfriend's love did heal my addiction in some way because I have not touched meth since that day in early May of 2007. I know that it hasn't been even a year yet since I've used, but I am still with my boyfriend, it's our one year anniversary today. I'm back in school, studying graphic design at UNT and still work at the same place only this time around, I have no desire to party with meth ever again. Even if something tragic were to happen in my life, meth wouldn't be the answer this time, like I thought it was before. Thanks for reading this.
--Kathryn

Letting Go
   I'm in love with a Meth addict, bad decision on my part. Never even knew he was an addict until six years into our relationship. If anyone ever told me not to get involve with an addict and what I was in for as the number it played with my psyche I would of heed their warning. Three Rehabs later and he's back on the shit again. I felt like I have lost my identity living with an addict. The lying, the stealing, and the cheating that keeps you wondering nights...Where is he? Sounds familiar? Welcome to Tweeker World USA thats what it feels like out here. I never tried speed but I have seen the havoc it has reaked on families. If you think their going to change their addict behavior you can keep dreaming. It's not going to happen. They will get so good at lying that they could get an academy award for their performance. When I picked up my husband out of Rehab the third time I swore to myself I wouldn't let him manipulate me and be on guard. I tried to be a positive role model and be supportive in his recovery, but made a promise that I wouldn't be a fool this time....So about nine months later. I started to notice the behavior, sometimes very angry, heavy, walking on eggshells. You know the routine if you know an addict. But sometimes they can be so loving.... don't get fooled they could be high as well. I work fulltime and go to school fulltime so my husband has the time to get high because of my schedule. I put voice activated tape recorder in three rooms before I left one morning. This is what happen: I did this for four days. Afterwards, I reviewed the tapes in my car one night after class in privacy. I heard my husband smoking a speed pipe torch and all. Then I heard a womens voice talking and getting high with him. She's the bag whore of the neighborhood and a friend's wife. They were watching pornos and having sex which was clearly obvious while listening to it. What was really sad was how she was talking about him coming over to her house the night before and having sex with her all night. While I was sleeping he snuck out, she lives around the block from me. Finally, the evidence I need to break out of this ten year nightmare. I had never had proof of any of it before. Everyone the addict knows which usually are all their friends who are usually their dope connect will lie for them. Of course when I confronted him with the tape, he tried to denied everything. I kicked him out that day period end of story. After all that has been said and done I have realized the best thing you could do.....let them hit rock bottom on their own and to stop saving them from themselves because you will be part of the wreckage if you don't.
--The Story of Matthew

Consumed by Crystal
   My name is Rob and I am the worst kind of Meth addict.. I know what it does to me and the havoc it wrecks on my life but continue to use...I had 8 months clean but that was only because I lived in a country where there was no meth.. Now that I have returned to a place where Crystal is everywhere I am back in the mess of it.. I have two days clean but feel like I am a baby without his bottle.. I am in so much mental pain in that I am trying not to use.. Sex and Meth go together for me, I use with men and have sex as I cannot for some reason sober.. then I go off on own and spend hours into days in adult video theatres watching porn.. masterbating compulsivly and unable to stop smoking.. I am in love with crystal but it consumes me.. It has caused me to be homeless, almost die, have heart attacks and strokes.. spend all my money and hurt so many people in my life but somehow I still love it.. It takes away the pain and lonliness and fills me up with joy and happiness, making me feel like a sexual god.. like I can do anything with anyone.. but then when the good times pass everything comes crashing down.. When I use all that matters is maintaing my high and having as much sex and watchinga s much porn as I can..it is all about the sex for me.. they fuel each other.. I am a chronic relapser.. always raising my hand as a new comer in CMA and it drives me wild that I know this shit can and will kill me but use anyway.. It is so mucha part of who I am and I cannot let it go.. I see people get clean who had severe addictions to meth but I cannot seem to get it.. It grips me and my life so tight I cannot breathe.. I so want to use right now.. I so want to be high and forget about the pain.. have crazy sex and be what I cannot be sober.. Will it ever get better ?
--Rob

Thanks for the website(!)... An ex-addict it is easy to look back and glorify "that reeeallly good shot I did that one time" or all of the friends and connections we all used to have... the fun projects we made (which were usually utter crap by the time they were 'finished' - ha) and all the rest of that carefree tweaker shit... without stopping to think so much about the pain I gave to all of my very concerned family and the good friends lost... the brain damage i probably did... being unemployable... being emotionally abused... depravity... mind games... the DTF... the prospect of years in prison... being scabby and sucked up... having not had a single healthy relationship with a man in my life... becoming codependent. Oh god I could go on. Well I'll start at the begininning, it's a fairly typical story I started smoking weed at 13 and it just kind of led to me being more and more irresponsible... did my first couple of lines of meth at 15... did my first shot of meth at 16... got really stupid for a few years... got my first felony at 18 for posession and blew that off until I got arrested with my dealer at 19 and they took me in for the warrant and also to question and threaten me, see he had an eightball, a couple thousand dollars in cash, a pipe, a scale, a couple hundred baggies, an ounce of weed, a concealed weapon... not good all very bad. A very very bad night. I hadn't slept in like a week or 10 days and I was young and dumb and ended up telling them that he was my dealer and I had bought stuff from him... he was going to go to federal prison anyways but yeah I still feel like a piece of shit because in that world being a rat or a narc is like the worst thing you can do and I did. Well now, more than a year later I've had a baby, been sober for almost a year now and they just served me a subpoena so I've got to go to court and testify as a witness and I don't know what to do... I don't want to look him in the eyes and say anything about him. I don't want to go but if I don't they'll put me in jail. I could very well be in trouble with my old friends for all this shit. A lot of trouble. Yeah... that's just kind of where meth will lead you though. Into the most fucked up and/or stupid of situations and all because nothing really matters as much as getting high on it. I'm one of the luckier ones because I'm doing fine. But I'll always have that spot inside of that's weak for it and as much as I don't ever want to relapse, what if I do? What would happen to my son? What would my family and friends think? What would happen to me? That stuff sucks. To all who are reading, just don't do it. It only leads to ruin.
--L

   The first time i tried crystal meth i was 15 years old. i was with my friends and i smoked weed alot and thats all i ever really did. but one night that all changed! i smoked meth with my friends and we smoked it all night long. i was up for like 2 days from it and i felt good. until i started coming down from it i felt sick to my stomach and the smell of food made me so sick. I ended up making it a common thing to do. eventually i started steeling money from my own family and using it to go buy meth for my addiction. at the time i didnt care that my mom was a single mom of two and was struggling to make a living. time went on and the people i was doing meth with either went to jail or just went missing. So i eventually stopped doing it and i havent done meth for over a year. My boyfriend now is a recovering meth user and we help each other know that meth ruins your life! i never thought i would be a meth addict and i also never thought id be able to recover from it!
--Ashley

   I found this web site and felt the need to tell my story. I am a 46 year old woman whose life was devastated by the use of meth. Meth really did steal my identity. In the beginning I snorted it. It provided energy and confidence in my life. Almost immediately I started to isolate from my family and friends. I had been clean for about 4 years and hooked up with a guy who was a user. I became addicted right off the start. Soon I was smoking meth and it progressed to using IV. Two weeks after using IV I lost my job of 8 years as and RN. My family committed me to treatment twice and I continued to relapse. I was not ready to give up the relationship I had with the guy or the meth. Many days and nights were lost, many relationships severed. Nothing mattered to me except using meth. I thought my life was fine just the way it was even though I had acquired legal consequences, lost my job, lost my drivers license, used with my 15 year old son, hid from the police and loved ones, stole my daughter and sons cars, had a relationship with a married man, lost thousands of dollars to other addicts, socialized with very scary people, held hostage in my own home, you get the picture. In the chronic phase of my addiction I was out trying to get other addicts to get some help. I would tell them it was not too late for them, just don't end up where I am. When I started using I would see others who had fallen deeper than I in their addiction, I swore that would never happen to me. I practiced long enough and I became what I feared the most, a hopeless addict. I lost my home and had no where to go but to my mothers. I had my son with me again. He had been living with his brother for 2 years while I was in and out of treatment. We did the geographical change motivated to stay clean and have a "normal" life. The depression was severe, all I did was lay on the couch, cry, and feel like if this was how I was going to live the rest of my life I would rather die using. I searched out the drug. Unable to find meth I used another drug IV. The next day I told my mother I did drugs in her house and I needed help. I had made myself a promise never to go to treatment again, but I knew when I started substituting one drug for another I was really messed up. I did learn a lot from the previous treatments but I still did not internalize the first step in the program of NA. I went to an extended care facility and stayed there for 41/2 months. I found enough pain in me to cry out to God for help. That was all it took for me was to ask God to help me. I could not do it by myself. I have now been clean and sober for 14 months. I go to 3 meetings a week. My family tells me continuously how grateful they are that I am back. I tell them how grateful I am that they are here for me. I guess I want to say to family, addicts, and friends of someone like me. Don't give up! For this addict, the pain had to get on me real hard, I had to be in and environment where I could not use and get through the low dopamine levels, I was in a community of recovery with experienced professional who dealt with trauma and grief. I had to lose my self to free my self. I praise God for web sites like these, for treatment, for counselors, for family, for the NA/AA program, and especially for releasing me from the bondage of addiction. Today the desire to use is much less than the desire to stay clean. 14 months after my first day of treatment I have hope. I still live with my mother and my son. I have my drivers license. I am starting college majoring in the alcohol and drug program, and I can tell you that I have what really matters...joy! Thank God my brain chemistry has leveled out and joy comes natural, not in a chemical through a needle! I am making a new identity that is way better than even before my addiction. The new ME does not hide from emotions! The new ME asks for help! I am not ashamed to say the meth is more powerful than me, it kicked my butt! I really like me...
--K.M.

Meth Killed My Son
   Numerous people write in about the devastation of meth, I want to write about my son, who died cause of meth.
   Jeff was 25 when he died, he had moved out 15 months earlier, he was in college, he was an artist, he was witty, clever, glib, sarcastic, incredibly smart. He was athletic, he break-danced, he was a barber, everyone loved him.
   I didn't know my son was on drugs, he didn't steal from me, he hid it from his brother and when I saw him he acted normal. I never had a chance to even try to help him, and I would of done anything to try and save him had I known. After he died I heard the story from many of his friends.... Jeff meet a very wealthy hotel owner, he owned numerous hotels. This man was a cocaine user he partied with sport stars, and movie stars. Jeff met him during a basket ball game. He enjoyed my son's sense of humor and over time Jeff and his friends hung out with this man. He drove them around in limousines and held wild parties in his penthouse. He glorified drugs--big time. And so the decline began-but not a slow decline- my son had 3-4 months to live from this point.
   Well, Jeff became addicted to cocaine but he had a friend who dealt cocaine and would water it down---- I believe he would add meth to his cocaine mixture. From that point Jeff was high alot-but still holding down a job and hiding it somewhat well. But cocaine wasn't cutting it and he started trying other drugs too. By this time his drug dealer was his best friend and going to his apartment daily to sell his drugs--BUT the drug dealer would lie when he ran out of cocaine and substitute his concoctions to Jeff. So now Jeff was becoming addicted to numerous drugs and kept trying to get satisfied and couldn't. Some where at this point meth stepped in and took over totally---but he was cross addicted to many drugs, and now was frantic to take anything and believe anything.
   The last week of Jeff's life he took in a drug addict that had been kicked out of his well-to do parents house and they did drugs-- together non ending. So I asked this particular person "why did my son, die and you didn't?" He answered--"cause of the fentynal patches".
   The autopsy listed my son's death due to meth and cocaine overdose. But when I found his drug stash in his apartment I had some of the pills tested and the pills were breast cancer pills. The drug dealers girlfriend was a nurse and worked at a local hospital, she had access to anything........
So I read the stories and my heart breaks for all of you, whether your the addict or the grandma, or the sister or brother or parent. And my words to any and all of you is do anything and everything to save your loved family member even if it resorts to calling the police or local narcotic squad. It might be the only thing that saves their lives.
   My heart is broken forever and someday I will be able to see Jeff again and hear him call me "Momma" one more time. And I will hug him and my hurt will go away.
--R

My love story.....turned into Meth story
   Well I haven't been around the drug ever in my life, but the love of my life has his whole life. When we first got together he was perfect, the kind of guy I had been looking for! Then about 3 months into our relationship he took off with some friends and I didn't hear from him for a month. I didn't know what I did wrong, but for some reason he turned it around on me. When we did talk again he was so sorry and wanted me back and I took him back. We were great for another couple of months, and then started fighting and he moved out. We kind of talked, but argued more. He was put in jail and did four months and even got extradited to California, which I followed. It is where we are both from, and I thought it was best for both of us. I was so in love with him, and I wanted to help him because I knew what a great guy he was without the drug. I visited him every visit, and went to every court date. He swore and promised this was it, that he would never do that to me again, and he couldn't do jail time again. I told him if he did I would leave him, that I couldn't do or feel that way again. When he got out everything was great, we had that perfect relationship again. About 2 months of him being out and clean I got pregnant, and we were both so excited, but had some stress about getting our own place, and bills and getting ready for a baby. But that's all I thought it was. Then it turned into him going to friends houses that I knew were good people and didn't do drugs. But he would be there all night, and come home late and we would argue about him being home so late. We would take his uncle money to barrow, because his girlfriend kicked him out for using and I thought we were helping. Then one day he had to check in with probation and he was dirty and they took him in. I couldn't believe what was happening again. When he called that night I was packing to move back with my Mom 6 hours away, and he was crying to me asking me not to leave. But I knew I had to stick to what I said, and it was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. He got out before I left and it was all the cries and promises he would quit for us, and the baby. He told me he knew he needed help and that he was going to get it. I found out he lied about gong to his friends, he was with his uncle doing the drug. I was at my Moms no longer than two weeks when the phone calls got less and less, and we were arguing on the phone when we did talk. He went days without talking to me, and I can hardly understand him when we do talk. He mumbles so bad, but swears he is clean and trying to get his life together. I call his friends that he says he is at and he isn't there and I have found out about so many "new" friends he tells me he has had for years. I am still going through it, and I am 7 months pregnant now. I know I can't enable him, but I love him so much and I know what he can be and all the good things he can do. I am so confused, but I know he has to fix himself before he can have a baby and a wife. sometimes I think if I moved back he would change, but me being there before and being pregnant didn't change him, or help him. I just want the love of my life back!! I just don't understand how people can do this kind of thing to the people they love. Reading some of the letters on here has made me feel better, cause I feel like I am all alone in this, and I wish me and my baby didn't have to be other loved ones that have been hurt and our family torn apart by this stupid drug!! Meth is the DEVIL!!!! God Bless us and help give us strength to get through this. And Bless the addicts, and help them get the help they need to have the good lives they could have!!!
--Broken Hearted Mother-To-Be

My son is free of Meth thanks to God and Narconon
    Hey All, my son is 28.He has been drug free for almost 2 years (marijuana, cocaine, crack, Meth) we have seen this young man go through HELL with paranoia, driving his jeep cherokee straight off a cliff and back up again, trying to run over the aliens that weren't there, Sitting in his living room with a ball bat waiting on those people (he thought were after him). We had to put him in jail several times for his own good, only to hear him on the phone that they were beating him and he was starved to death. Constantly in rages. I could go on & on. By the grace of God We were led to Narconon. This program is run by ex-addicts and people that has been through the program & therefore they know what to expect from a user. My son slept for the first 2-3 days as they all do. As he got into the program they put him in a Sauna for so many hours a day for a month & swetted all this crap out of him. It was so intense because every drug he had ever used came out through the pores in his skin and he got High for the last time. This is normal in the program. from then on it was up hill (not easy). My son has not had any cravings for the drugs and has NO desire to even go back to that lifestyle. Now, Thanks to Narconon and the GOOD LORD He has a clear mind and CAN and HAS walked away from drugs. After 8 years of living with a user and perscription drug abuser, he has walked away from her.(Nov.1 2007) and he is going for custody of his 2 year old son. I am confident the GOOD LORD will help us get through this one last hurdle. If there is anyone out there that thinks there is no help for them. you are wrong.
--B

   Hello, I posted a letter on this site in December 06, titled "Been there and back (METH)". I'm sending this letter to let you know how much I appreciate this site, I often come back to read my letter and others it has helped and comforted me greatly, I'm still in a lot of pain but I know I'm not alone, and there is light at the end of this tunnel even though I can't see it yet. Thank you,
--B

Crystal on Crystal
My name is Crystal!! cool huh! I'm proud to finally be able to say that i haven't used in a year (and 4 months). has it been a struggle? YES. Is every day clean worth it? Hell YES. My gift from god came 3 months after i finally stopped filling the voids in my life with meth. I found out I was going to have a baby. She was born on January 17 and without her I truly think I would still be out there lost somewhere, maybe using, maybe not. Either way she has given me a whole new world of reasons to FEEL, to BE, to LIVE. The way i see it, she was my last chance and i am thankful that I took it.
   I am 25 and my journey began six years ago, I was 19 the first time i saw cocaine, tried it didn't like it. I was getting into the Rave scene in my town and was fearful to try ecstacy, curiousity killed the fear, tried it, what do ya know, LOVED it! Then my Boyfriend introduced me to my new best friend, her name is Crystal M. I fell in love with her and she loved killing me softly. I thought i was in control, but i was just getting more and more sneaky. I worked with my mom and she knew something was up but like any loving parent, naive and scared, she didn't want to admit there was something seriously wrong, so she just stood by and let me feed her platters of lies. I bought a new car when i realized i had a problem, thinking that i'd be forced to put my money into something real. Nope that ride just helped me meet new friends of Crystal's and we would drive around until i couldn't see straight. Then I'd sleep for a few days, and on Boxing Day 2002, I broke the silence and told my mom to take me to Detox, but then on New Years Eve i went to a rave and did a bunch of X. I didn't do Crystal for a week or so, then i was back at her, full tilt. In the summer of 2003, i ended up homeless, jobless and got my beautiful car reposessed. As long as i was high i didn't care that i was sleeping outside, and people would rob you while you were unconcious, sick huh!! Then it got cold and i started to get sick and went home to get clean again. That lasted a few weeks and i was high again, but i was working so i thought i was doing good. I met sober people and helped make them victims, I felt bad but I didn't want to be alone, what addict does? Lost my job again, was run out of town and homeless again. Found someone to take me in and he was great but an alcoholic, so I quit meth for a bit but replaced her with booze. One thing i did take away from treatment with me is that an addict will only substitute one for the other. And i will truly stand by that statement. I just couldnt stay away, and 2004/2005 creeped right by me. In that time i was self employed (legit), made some good coin, bought 2 vehicles, broke my moms heart some more and showed up at her house on Christmas day, very high and ready to sleep. At this point i was so ashamed and sick of putting ma through hell, why didn't i just get help?? I think it was because I enjoyed being alive, but a big part of me has always been self destructing and meth enabled me to be the one to hurt myself...if that makes any sense to anyone else.
   After New Years I went back home , 8 hours away from ma, broke and on the verge of eviction, tried crack for the first time with some "friends". The way that drug made me feel scared me and i never want to feel that way again..it makes my skin crawl just thinking about it. Trusted these friends to take my vehicle and they got it impounded...what do I do now????I lost everything twice before I really took Sobriety into consideration as THE ONLY ANSWER. I've come to terms that life is hard, but it's not impossible. Neither is sobriety. Attention: ADDICTs find it in yourself to get clean and learn to love your life!!! PEACE To ALL.
--Crystal

Why did it take so long to learn?
   I posted my story on this site a few years back. I explained how bad my addiction was and the fact that I still wanted more. Truth is I did continue to use after I wrote that story. I used for a few more months, until I found a man who was trying to do the right thing and stay clean. So I decided that I would give it up too. Things went so well for a long time. Months and months went by with no regrets. Until one weekend I decided to go to Lake Tahoe with some work friends of mine. We were going to be gone for 3 days. As I was in Tahoe I kept calling home and wouldn't get through to my guy. I started to get nervous but decided that I was not going to worry too much about it just yet. So I finally get through to him on the phone and he just dosen't sound right but assures me he's fine. I go on with my vacation. On the road trip home I get a phone call from my sister, she tells me that my grandmother has passed away. So I finally get dropped off in front of my house and I go inside in tears needing comfort. I see that he is just lying there in bed and I was like what are you doing?..and all he would tell me is he didn't feel good. I had to get to the hospital to my mother and family so I left him there in his state. When I got home we were lying in bed and I couldnt' pin point what was wrong with him so finally he fessed up and told me he had used when I went to Tahoe. I was so angry, but then he said the words that will always haunt me."I wanna get high with you" at first I thought he was testing me to see if I'd give in but he wasn't so of course I did and we did. I have never been so low in my life at this point. I was spun out of my mind and not to mention the next day was my grandmothers funeral..needless to say I was tired from being up all night and had to do a rail just to make it to the funeral. Yes I went to her funeral high. At the time it seemd like no big deal, but now I sit and I cry about it all the time asking God to forgive me for what I did. Anyways after I got home we seemed to just go on a binge of Meth and I don't even remember how many days it lasted. As a matter of fact at one point I even lost my memory and didn't know his name or what he was doing in my house. I even went as far as kicking him out of my house one night and then waking up thinking I had dreamed it only to wake up having it be true. I was very skinny and pale and malnutritioned and my skin was turning an orangeish color yuck!....I wasn't even getting high anymore, I was just doing it to do it. I remember at one point I had a line in front of me and some voice in my head told me "If you do that, you are going to die" so I put it down and told him, I can't do it. Unfortunetly I had already done too much and realized that I wasn't feeling awake anymore I was feeling really tired. So I lied down on the bed and was just out of it. And soon after I started to have seizures. Guy wouldn't help me becuase he was high too and thought I was faking it for attention. The sad part is I could hear what was going on around me and I could hear him but I could not wake up or stop having seizures. I could have died that night and he was too high to even realize what was going on. There have been times when he would OD and want me to call the ambulance and I would look at him like why should I save you, you will just do it again when you feel better..Doing this drug brought so much frustration and grief. We finally stopped January of 07 just before my birthday. And we did good for a long time, got healthy, ate food, stayed in our normal state of mind. I went to the doctor and she diagnosed me as being bi-polar and having ADHD. I know the bi-polor is due to the drug use and I have to live with the fact that I have psychologically damaged my brain maybe forever, maybe not who knows. 1 day in October of 07 we slipped up and bought a 20 bag and did it in 2 huge rails. After it was gone we wanted more, so we got one more 20 bag and did that. Once that was gone we were like okay we are definetly done cause we dont like this anymore and we've proved that to ourselves. But then we somehow talked ourselves into getting a 60 bag of cocaine. We thought it would mellow us out. So guy went and got it but then all of a sudden his heart was pounding and he didnt feel so well. So he relaxed and took a hot bath and we kept checking his blood pressure. I could see his heart beating out of a vein in his neck. It was scarey. I didn't know what to do, I didn't want to call the ambulance because I didnt want to get in trouble so I just tried to help him as best as I could. At one point I was in tears and I just dropped to my knees folded my hands together and said "Please God help him, don't let him die" He finally calmed down. You know the sad thing is right after he was feeling better he felt the need to do a line of coke. I was like dont you ever learn, (as I did a line too). I think after that we took a big long look at ourselves and realized this is definetly the life we don't want so we flushed the rest of the coke and have not touched Meth or Coke since. I am very proud of myself and I thank God everyday for the chances he has give me and this time I refuse to let him down. I could never go back to Meth. It has messed up so much of my life and the lives of people I love.. If I can give any advice at all, I want to say that Meth is NOT worth that first snort, smoke, or slam..please if I can just get through to 1 person I will know I can make a difference. God Bless Thanks for listening. **This is the second time I am posting my life on Meth, hopefully it will be the last**
--fallen

Meth Addiction
   Horror Stories. Meth has turned our family into a living nightmare of which you cannot even conceive unless of course, you also have meth in your family. My son Joshua began using meth at age 16. You would not believe what has become of his life in the five years since. At first, I did not understand what this drug does to people. He would stay up for days, being completely busy doing absolutely nothing. Just going through drawers, packing an assortment of different objects in bags, drawing, and that would usually last a couple of days then he would sleep and be fine again for a week or so, and do it again. Then after about a year, he began using more frequently with almost no downtime between either the getting high from it for 4 or 5 days in a row to sleeping for 2 or 3 days and the waking up and starting it all over again. By the time he was 18, he was so crazy from the drug that he would spend hours upon hours running through woods, through the house, looking out windows waking me in the middle of the night because he was constantly paranoid someone was after him. He thought people were in tree's, thought the house was wired, thought his friends and family were tape recording him. At age 18 he had a heart attack from the drug. Was hospitalized in the coronary intensive care unit and almost died. Still, not enough to get him to quit. When Joshua was 19 years old, he was high on meth, wrecked his car, got out and ran from the police. He ran into a factory yard, on top of a building, the police were chasing him, he thought he was going to fall off the building and grabbed onto a high voltage power line. Joshua was life lined to an intensive care burn unit, and we were told they would immediately have to amputate his right arm to the shoulder and his left leg above the knee. He was then placed on every type of life support available, a ventilator, feeding tubes, kidney dialysis, fluid support; the doctor said he was on every life support available. He remained in that intensive care burn unit for three months. That accident was on Jan. 29, 2006. Joshua did survive. But as a severely handicapped teenager. And one who still has a meth addiction. I have left out countless episodes of what meth has done our home life. It is a nightmare to be a meth addict I am sure. It is also a nightmare to live with one. One of Joshua's friends recently died due to a drug overdose. I said " you know, you would think it would do something to these kids walking into that funeral home and looking at one kid in the casket and then looking over at josh with one arm and one leg. But guess what? They got high before they went to the funeral. So I guess I am just trying to say that Meth is one drug that some people just never come back from. Today, Feb. 5, 2008, Joshua is currently in jail. He is crawling around on the floor because his prosthetic leg no longer fits him because he gained weight in jail. They will not let him have a wheelchair because apparently some guy over at the prison took the wheel off a wheelchair and beat a guy to death with it. He has been in jail since Dec. 15 crawling on the dirty jail floor, with only one arm and one leg, and that kids is what meth will do to you...
--h

   Hello, my name is Marie..i began using meth at the age of 12 years old..i never thought anything of it except the fact that i wasn’t goin to sleep those nights..any ways i losta bestfriend to it..shes not dead but in no way the gurl she was before..any ways..i did it here and there ffrom middle school to high school.thinkin you don’t have a problem is the problem..but last year i got on it bad..and i didn’t notice till i actually went home..id cry for no reason and want to leave as soon as i could.i even fantasized about getting high..and found myself down to 103 pounds byue the end of summer when i was 120 in the beginning. So to any one who has only done it once ..i highly advise you not to do it again..also its embarrising to know what some people think of you when they find out the things you’ve done such as meth. I cant honestly say im totally done with it ..but i try to stay away..and when im really bored i get the urge to go out an do it again..which isnt okay..u may not see it in me but i am a victim of a horrible drug that takes over lives . The worst thing in the world is meth. I wish the devil never brought it here because i was exsposed to it. Theres more to life than this..i figured out the hard way that people love me and that meth is not worth everything else in my life.
   Im just a girl trying to fight the urge. I could have it if i want but im doing my best to choose not too. Please share this with others. Love always just another girl in this crazy world.
--Marie