KCI The Anti_Meth Site

Life with an addict

sadeye scryin	Life with an addict I don't know how much more I can take. I feel like glass. The addict has to hit rock bottom before they can realize they have a problem. What about the loved ones surviving life with an addict - day in and day out. When does it stop? How much more does one take before they finally walk out the door? You want to believe every word they say, "I promise, I have quit", "I need help, I know this now", "I hate my problem", "I promise I am not using." then wham the cycle starts all over again. The high - they are in such a good mood, easy going, happy, seems like everything is going good. My nerves settle down-but its all a false sense of security-because you find out its only because they are up. Then comes the sweating at night, the twitching, the mood swings. Everything is wrong from socks, to the way food is prepared, just plain bitching about every little thing-and I am the reason for everything being wrong. Then the crash where he sleeps for two days straight, misses work, or shows up several hours late. In the meantime he's in total denial lying to my face that he is not using. He admitted to the counselor last night that he still has been using-of course - I know all the signs - but yet I can only go by his word. If I ask him he denies adimately. It's making me crazy. There is nothing I can do about his choices. I cannot make him choose no to meth. I can not make him choose yes to life. I cannot make him choose yes to treatment. I have to make choices for me right now and our children. He's chosen recovery - I don't know if its gonna work. I don't want to give ultimatums. He has to want this. I did tell him though that during the next couple of weeks when he starts to crash I will not be here. The mood swings are too much. I have done it too many times - I am burnt out. I could sure use some good advice right now. I am so sick of meth! It's like dancing with the devil-it's insidious, ugly and it's killing my best friend. Its destroying our family.
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forget suzette	Re: Life with an addict he means every word he says. .....but when you are addicted, it's like saying, I'll go without air because I love you, I'll hold my breath for you. you can only wait to exhale so long. ....he is more miserable than you are. it's a good idea to seperate yourself for a bit. don't use the meth as an "excuse" for his behaivior. .......think about how you have been treated. think about if you want your kids to grow up thinking it's acceptable. please educate your kids, so a cycle is'nt developed from this. so they KNOW he's acting this way because he's an addict and it's not cool. good luck to you.
draft molly	Re: Life with an addict *When does it stop?* Here's the hard part...the thing YOU may not want to hear. It stops when YOU stop it. When YOU reach "YOUR" rock bottom and make YOUR CHOICE. No one is forcing you to stay in this relationship... you are an adult and can make the choice to end this...the minute YOU end it! *How much more does one take before they finally walk out the door?* Good question... How much more will you take before you walk out? Everyone one of us is different. Some of us remove ourselves from the relationship immediately on finding out a friend or partner is involved with drugs.. others stay forever. It's your own personal tolerance level and your own choice. *It's making me crazy.* I learned quick enough... that no one MAKES you crazy! You make the choice to stay or go, be happy or not, go crazy or let it ride. Some of the people on this list have learned to live with their addict and let it all wash off them like water off a duck's back... others leave... other stay but inevitably the choice is yours! Just like you cannot change him, he cannot change you... he cannot make you crazy, he cannot make you happy. Those things come from within YOU! (((Hugs!!!))) I'm sorry meth has touched your life.
Nyte Passion	Re: Life with an addict I don't know how much more I can take. I totally understand this .. I have been right where you are .. and it sucks, but at the same time this is a good place to be .. and the possiblities of change are blossoming ... but be warned that I am not talking about the addict changing .. I am talking about your metamorphis *Quote:* I feel like glass. The addict has to hit rock bottom before they can realize they have a problem. What about the loved ones surviving life with an addict-day in and day out. Believe it or not .. there is light at the end of the tunnel .. but again .. I'm not talking about the addict changing .. I'm talking about you learning to live differently to do things differently .. you focusing on you and the things that you need to do for yourself, your children, your sanity. When does it stop? You can't stop the addict, but you can stop you. So I guess it stops when you stop it. *Quote:* How much more does one take before they finally walk out the door? Sadly, we take far to much, but the time comes when its either you or him .. *Quote:* You want to believe every word they say, You may want to, but you know by now that you just can't. If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck .. then its a duck and words like "I promise, I have quit", "I need help, I know this now", "I hate my problem", "I promise I am not using." is all just a duck quacking. When the addict has arrived at a true desire for true recovery .. you won't hear quacking .. The addict will walk the walk .. not quack the talk. *Quote:* then wham the cycle starts all over again. The high-they are in such a good mood, easy going, happy, seems like everything is going good. and as long as the addict uses the cycle will repeat itself infinity. My nerves settle down-but its all a false sense of security-because you find out its only because they are up. Then comes the sweating at night, the twitching, the mood swings. Everything is wrong from socks, to the way food is prepared, just plain bitching about every little thing-and I am the reason for everything being wrong. Then the crash where he sleeps for two days straight, misses work, or shows up several hours late. In the meantime he's in total denial lying to my face that he is not using. He admitted to the counselor last night that he still has been using-of course-I know all the signs-but yet I can only go by his word. *Quote:* If I ask him he denies adimately Ask me no questions .. I'll tell you no lies applies here .. You already know the answer so why ask .. If you ask .. 99.9 3/4's% of the time the addict will lie. He knows he is high, but he thinks he is cool .. no one but him will be the wiser, but you know he is high and when you confront him .. it pisses him off and he denies it .. You know all the signs and body language ... and if you call him on it .. I bet he says the typical .. "your making shyte up, its all in your fking head, your fking pyscho" .... more quacking ... *Quote:* It's making me crazy. There is nothing I can do about his choices. I cannot make him choose no to meth. I can not make him choose yes to life. I cannot make him choose yes to treatment. The 3c's .. You cannot CAUSE - CONTROL - CURE his addiction The only answer is recovery .. he and he alone has to come to desire this for himself. *Quote:* I have to make choices for me right now and our children. B I N G O *Quote:* He's chosen recovery-I don't know if its gonna work. Is he quacking or walking it? *Quote:* I am so sick of meth! It's like dancing with the devil-it's insidious, ugly and it's killing my best friend. Its destroying our family. Unfortunately .. as long as he continues to use the dance gets uglier .. but the good news is you don't have to do the tango with him .. you can choose to sit it out and on the side line no matter what he does or doesn't do .. This is your life too .. you are an individual and though you are married .. your husband isn't in the frame of mind to think about you or the kids .. he is an addict and the sole purpose in the life of the addict is to feed the addiction ... You are the one that realizes there is a problem .. you are the one that is tired of it all and ready for things to change ... You are the one that is unhappy because of his addiction ... Your the one that feels like you're going crazy .. To him .. he more than likely has no problem YOUR THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM and the PROBLEM is YOU DON'T LIKE HIM USING .. You are the one that is tire of this crap .. He is the one that is clueless ... Happiness is an inside job .. you can't count on anyone else to make you happy .. YOU have to find and do the things that make you happy yourself .. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different and unfortunately .. until we learn to walk to the right of then tunnel and not the left we repeat the process over and over and over .... You are in good hands here .. lots of help and support to be found on this board as well as wisdom and knowledge .. best suggestion's I can make is to keep coming here .. and learn all you can about his drug of choice, learn all about the behavior it produces ... and maybe hit a nar-anon meeting Double Click Here to locate a meeting (they are for those with addicted loved ones) learn about enabling and how to not do it .. learn about detachment and how to do it ... Knowledge is Power and the key to freedom for us ... For us its all about the 3A's Awareness, Acceptance, Action
silly veronica	Re: Life with an addict It looks like everyone else has given some really good advice, so I'll just throw in that you're not alone. Many of us on this board have struggled just like you are, and continue to struggle. For me, the hardest part has been the realization that it's not mine to do. I've known this, have even told myself it, but when it finally sunk in ... that's when I could start to help myself. Hang in there - you've got plenty of support here!
Hemet chik	Re: Life with an addict it stops when he stops...and that might be never...
k8 kanguru	Re: Life with an addict Welcome and sorry that you find yourself in a situation where you have had to seek out thsi board. You wrote: *Quote:* The addict has to hit rock bottom before they can realize they have a problem. What about the loved ones surviving life with an addict-day in and day out. When does it stop? How much more does one take before they finally walk out the door? You've received some great advice already in this thread. Not always easy to swallow, but spoken from those who've already been where you are now and survived it.