KCI The Anti_Meth Site

How many times did you relapse from Meth?

Lisa	How Many Here Have Relapsed from Meth? This is kinda in response to Jeff's posts about his determination to stay clean on the first try without a program of any sort. Jeff, I'M SO NOT GETTING ON YOUR CASE!!! I hope and pray you're able to do it...it's what I wanted to do when I first started recovery, but was unable to. I'd LOVE to see someone do it, I really, really would, because I DO believe we all get and stay clean our own personal ways, whether it's a 12-Step Program, other programs, spirituality, etc. But this raised a question in my mind and now I'm very curious: How many of us stayed clean on the first try? Okay, I'll go first...Nope, it took three relapses for me to get to where I am now (four months tomorrow), and I still take it day by day. Although I AM in a MUCH, MUCH better place than I was...no comparison!
Replies...
Tender heartsKS	Re: How Many Here Have Relapsed from Meth? I didn't stay clean on the first try either. Made it four years, started doing things my way again, suffered from terminal uniqueness. I was already screwed up in the head long before I used/drank again.
a2a home	Re: How Many Here Have Relapsed from Meth? I have been one of the fortunate one's, I have been 100% clean for over 10 months now without a relapse. How I did it? I now firmly believe in service work and a high level of accountability. I live in a Christian Mens Sober Home and also am the house manager here. I am here to assist all the other guys and sometimes it takes alot of patience, However, It has given me alot of practical knowledge of helpin addicts that still suffer. The 12th step and the 5th tradition. And power to overcome my affliction from my Lord and Savior! www.a2ahome.org Theodore Roosevelt. Roosevelt said, "It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat...who spends himself in a worthy cause."
Sfj	Re: How Many Here Have Relapsed from Meth? It happens, but oh so rarely. I relapsed more times than I could count. Many dozens. In CMA, I have talked to and listen to the share of over a hundred meth users. I know only one, who never relapsed, he went to detox, the first time after decades of drug use, and never ever picked up again. He is my sponsor.
krodtil theend	Re: How Many Here Have Relapsed from Meth? I've relapsed oh about 10 times I'd say since I first started really trying to quit. Of course I haven't gone back to meth since my third try at trying to quit that. But that time I was kinda forced to quit as I got extreemly sick and was surrounded by family who wouldn't let me use. And since then I have used so many things to replace it that it really doesn't seem to matter that I quit meth. To this day I am still not clean and am constantly wondering when the day will come that I do turn back to meth.
recovering freak	Re: How Many Here Have Relapsed from Meth? Nope... i didn't even try. I got busted. 12 months in prison. First day i came out i was on Erimin 5(stong sleeping pills) Got myself in the club scene within a week and started drinking... to ecstacy...kethamine..pot...meth. In two years everything i've mention.
Rachel sue76	Re: How Many Here Have Relapsed from Meth? ya know I am not an addict but, my husband has relapsed ALOT of times. In the mean time, he trades on addiction for the other. Abstinence at it's finest.
Lisa	Re: How Many Here Have Relapsed from Meth? Okay, I just gotta share this. I have a "friend" (some of you know who I'm referring to)....who came back into my life in a marginal manner a few days ago. When he got clean, it was with little to no effort...slept and ate for a week or so, got irritable for a couple of weeks, then proceeded to go about his business and hardly ever got triggered or even THOUGHT about meth. He was able to be around people who used right in front of him, and he was Oh, So Proud that he didn't even feel an urge. He went through amazingly hard times while clean, but never picked up, and was bound and determined never to pick up again. When I would tell him something triggered me, he'd be the one to talk me outta it. He went out two weeks ago. He would have had six months clean-as-a-whistle tomorrow. Why did he go out? He got depressed...he had a few bad days, he had access to it, and he figured, in a moment of weakness, WTF. That led to two weeks of relapse. Now he's starting all over, which is great, but he's pretty disappointed in himself. He knows all about relapse, he's done it before, but always in the first month or so. He was really proud he had almost six months. Now that's history. But dem's da breaks. Shyt happens. My point is, he always seemed stronger than me. He NEVER talked about it, thought about it, got the urge to use, etc. He was done with it; there was NO WAY he would EVER go out. He did think he was terminally unique. I'm sorry he wasn't. But it just goes to show, to borrow from 12-Step...
danimal 55	Re: How Many Here Have Relapsed from Meth? Twice at 4 months clean...and every interval short of that. While in IOP and the 18 months to follow. I learned a lot via relapse, like how not to. The death of my dealer and others from this small community were most convincing. Total relapses? ...unknown
le grumps	Re: How Many Here Have Relapsed from Meth? I relapsed many times on meth. I thought that was proof that I could not quit. I believe it was actually Danimal who pointed out that in fact, I would not quit. That changed everything, and helped me realize that it was time to go to rehab. I had to be physically restrained from my self-will. It's the only thing that helped me have enough clean time to start prying me head out of my ass.
Tender heartsKS	Re: How Many Here Have Relapsed from Meth? *Quote:* It's the only thing that helped me have enough clean time to start prying me head out of my ass. Sorry, but I had to laugh. I can so relate to that. It's really dark in there, isn't it?
angie Ncali	Re: How Many Here Have Relapsed from Meth? I Only REALLY tried to stay clean one time right before I went to rehab - I made it to about 7 or 8 days. That was a very defeating feeling - and it scared the sh*t out of me too - with everything in my being I DID NOT WANNA USE ANYMORE .... I really didnt - But I had NO IDEA HOW to stay stopped. - Went to rehab - made it to 45 days - and then relapsed ... Got Busy with the steps, sponsor - the book etc etc etc ... and I havent found the need to get high - its now been 3 1/2 years. But I couldnt WILL it away - I couldnt say and still can't that I WILL NEVER USE again - Today I won't but I dont know where I'll be 3 1/2 , 2 or 1 year from now .... Using IS ALWAYS AN OPTION - for ALL of us. It will always be right there - and we can at any moment make that choice How ever staying clean and recovery may not always be an option .... I keep that in mind. And I also NEVER forget how truly bad it was. EVER. It took getting REALLY honest with myself and those around me to get where I am - we truly are as sick as out secrets.
hdft boy	Re: How Many Here Have Relapsed from Meth? So should I count all those times i told myself that I needed to quit (coming down on a sunday night), said I would not buy anymore on the next upcoming Friday? And Tuesday - Thursday say that I was clean? If im allowed to call that relaps..... then I relapsed over 15 times. However I never stood over a toilet with a gram of it and praying for God's help to heal me at that moment to take away the urge and the cravings. I've tried to keep religion out of my posts but I know that He (Jesus) healed Lazarus from being... dead. I go and have gone to church twice a week for most of my life, and perhaps, this is helping. I just got very real and honest with the only one ( I think) who can help me right now. I want to stop before I sound like some sort of a hypocrite. My prayers now are for me to be that 100% honest with my family. Please give me some room okay friends? Boy, do I know how to be popular in a new crowd don't I. oh man.......................what a day.
Freee 63	Re: How Many Here Have Relapsed from Meth? I was able to quit with no relapse. I will be clean 4 years in August. But circumstances were a bit different in my situation than as most here. I lived a double life - I was able to keep my drug use a secret for over 20 years. I only had one dealer for most of those years and he ended up leaving the country and me - high and dry. So I was forced to quit and really had no other means to get it. Well, I know I could have found another hookup but by that time I was so tired of living the lie. Because I wanted to "save face" as well as my ass, I went thru my recovery by myself. And I guess that's pretty much why I came to this board when I did; at a year and a half clean. I was feeling the joy of recovery but had no one to share it with. This board helped me keep fighting the good fight. And for me, there ain't no going back.
forget suzette	Re: How Many Here Have Relapsed from Meth? since I was 17 and first started doing meth... ....I'm 41 now. that's 24 years... in that time...I've quit and relapsed 100x
danimal 55	Re: How Many Here Have Relapsed from Meth? It goes to show that it can be done...with a strong spiritual component. Not to say an atheists odds are any less, "From Down Under" NA basic text. Same goal, different approach. Freedom! The best time is the last time, hope you've seen the last time Jeff. Now I can HAPPILY go mow my lawn...TY
1lave me	Re: How Many Here Have Relapsed from Meth? Hi Lisa I can not count how many times it took for me to get clean. I undrstand where your coming from about your friend cuz my husband and I just made a promise to each other to get clean and people always thought I was the strong one that I was the one who kept our sh!t straight WRONG! it was and is my husband and I love him so much for it. He is my Rock of Gibraltar.
25 years but no more	Re: How Many Here Have Relapsed from Meth? I have. I would like to know if there is anybody here who haven't relapsed?
Lisa	Re: How Many Here Have Relapsed from Meth? 25 Years, Good question...so far there's been 14 answers (including my "friend"), and outta the 14, twelve have relapsed and two have not. Actually, that's two more than I thought there would be!
forget suzette	Re: How Many Here Have Relapsed from Meth? I have re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re- stamps foot relapsed. .....again, and again, and again, and again, gin gin gin.. But, I'm clean twitches now.
hdft boy	Re: How Many Here Have Relapsed from Meth? are you counting me as relapsing? If you are in a program and you stop then start, that a true relapse? Or when one says I've quit and for a week they do and then start again?
flower child 80744	Re: How Many Here Have Relapsed from Meth? sorry but i dont really get the question.and heres why,When do you consider yourself free of it?1 year 2 years 5 years?? i mean you can say i never relapsed but whos to say you wont 1 or 2 or 5 years down the road,and when do you start counting?? if i counted every time i used again since i knew i NEEDED to stop then i would say i lost count a long time ago,if i count from when i moved out of my house,it was 4(counting the fact i was high when i left as 1)but if i start counting the day I got out of jail and said i wont jeperdize my kids again,and i am not going back to jail,i havent relapsed at all..I just think recovery is a lifelong commitment and you cant say i never relapsed untill the end,which as far as i can tell for an addict is death..i have heard many on this board say "i slipped" years into recovery..it happens.all you can do is keep fighting the fight and keep your prioritys straight..Just my 2 cents.
Lisa	Re: How Many Here Have Relapsed from Meth? I didn't count you as a relapse or a non-relapse, because you're only a week clean. IMO, the person who says, "I quit. I'm not gonna use on Friday" isn't REALLY trying to recover. We've ALL said, "I'm gonna get past the weekend and not use." I think if someone really wants to quit for good, they'd have some kinda plan for detox, withdrawal and recovery. Doesn't have to be AA, NA, CMA, SmartRecovery, meditation; it can be ANY plan to help keep them clean. Without some kinda plan, you're pretty much kidding yourself. Crystal (I always laugh when an addict is named Crystal...lol), Good question! I totally agree with you - recovery is a lifelong process, and anyone could slip at any time, 3 days into it, 3 years into it, or 10 years into it. However, just for the sake of argument, let's pick an arbitrary number of years, say three. At three years, at least to me, a person would seem to have a very solid base of recovery to judge by. If anyone else thinks it should be another number, feel free to chime in. Remember, this is just for the sake of the thread...recovery IS lifelong.
blondie	Re: How Many Here Have Relapsed from Meth? Hi I went into a Physciatric ward for 10 days, and they told me I had a drinking problem...I remember thinking NO Way..after all I still had my house and car and family... After I got out I white knuckled it and put the AA books that I was given under my bed..I didn't want any part of that...stayed sober about 3 weeks and went back to drinking for another 8 months...I acutally drove in a blackout...and that was my bottom. I made the decision to go to a AA meeting...and have been going ever since. By the grace of God I am sober today, it has been 6 1/2 years... Thanks and GOD BLESS
nine years clean	Re: How Many Here Have Relapsed from Meth? Hi guys. I put it down July 1, 1996, and never picked up again. That was the first and only time I ever actually tried to quit. I told myself many times that I could if I wanted to, but just didn't want to. That day I wanted to, and I haven't relapsed yet.
eyes open83	Re: How Many Here Have Relapsed from Meth? i relapsed once with meth...twice with coke...both times i was trying to stay clean on will power alone,for me will power doesnt work unless im working a program and recieving support from that program... dont do it alone man you'll find it harder than it has to be... this place is great but it is nothing like face to face addicts helping addicts...
nine years clean	Re: How Many Here Have Relapsed from Meth? ps: I couldn't have done it without NA.
Venus Jones 69	Re: How Many Here Have Relapsed from Meth? Over the course of my nearly six years of daily use, I "quit" numerous times - sometimes for a day, sometimes for a week and twice I even quit for almost a whole month. I finally "really quit" over three years ago and am confident this time is for good. Thankfully, I wouldn't even know where to get it now since all of my dealers are either dead or in jail.
RIP	Re: How Many Here Have Relapsed from Meth? ME ...Me....ME!!! I went to seven different 12 step treatment programs, they focused on either NA or AA. After 6 of them I relapsed. I completed 2 sets of steps, did service, had a sponsor (who I called), had a home group, prayed, had a higher power, went to daily meetings, bottom line I took all the program had to offer. On my last treatment centre I took a one year cake, but hated how I felt in the rooms still. I ventured out into other avenues of recovery and for me it was rational recovery. once I read the book it made perfect sense to me and have not had to look back since. My thinking would be on this thread "how many people have worked a program and still relapsed?"
Penel0pe	Re: How Many Here Have Relapsed from Meth? How many times? EVERY TIME. Every time I told myself "This is the LAST TIME" I used again, within days, usually. I once stayed away from meth for a couple of months but was still smoking weed like a fiend, and did a little drinking to "Compensate" for my "recovery" from meth use. I hate drinking, btw - just to illustrate the point that an addict will abuse whatever is available in a pinch. I started going to NA meetings and it took me 7 months of NA meetings, sponsor, reading, the whole shebang before the last time I used - January 17th 2004 - I have been clean since January 18th 2004 and could not have done so without the help I continue to recieve from NA.
mystical women 69	Re: How Many Here Have Relapsed from Meth? I relapsed so many times that i lost count. I ended up in the emergency room. My heart almost exploded because i was so over amped. That is what was my final bottom. Now i have 6 month's and some odd day's clean.
chris gonz	Re: How Many Here Have Relapsed from Meth? I kicked coke at dad's... relapsed and ran to phx to get a way from everyone. the ex went to prison for beating me up, HELL yes I pressed charges and it was the first and ONLY time he hit me. Got strung out on chiva and coke... stayed high, buried my son, got higher... found out my dad died, got even higher... found out my grams was dying... got clean, got drunk one night.. relapsed for the night. broke up with some dumbass... went on a 5 month run - deliberately to piss him off.... STUPID!!! moved, moved, and moved.. got pregnant with my Boo and was through forever. NOW.. I'm preparing for the time she moves and I'm left with yet another void... so what's my answer??? Like 5 times.. I never keep track of stuff unless I'm getting paid for it. I just KNOW that being strung out is NOT for me.
Lisa	Re: How Many Here Have Relapsed from Meth? Just for the record, that's 23 people so far; 20 who have relapsed and 3 who have not. As Shane pointed out, most of the people who have significant time under their belt are working a program of some sort (most, but not all). Anyone else? Although I like to see people who've gotten it the first time, it appears relapse is a prevalent and typical pattern among us addicts.
vctry7	Re: How Many Here Have Relapsed from Meth? I relapsed more times than I can count for about 5 years. I never went to any treatment, but I wish I had. I think it would've made quitting easier and maybe I wouldn't had so many relapses. I couldn't have hurt anyway. I am 3 years clean.
imlost inky	Re: How Many Here Have Relapsed from Meth? *Quote:* I would like to know if there is anybody here who haven't relapsed? Yep Me. I have been clean over 11 years now. Oh I am terminally unique, I got clean and stayed clean all on my own............ Not a chance. I got lucky, I got blessed, somewhere someone greater than me watched my back. Period. If I had found meth at any time that first year or so, I'd done it in a heartbeat. If I hadn't ran out when I did, I would not have quit. For sure not those first 2 weeks when I was calling and begging and crying for something to hook up with. Now, no . I will never do meth - I have absolutely no desire whatsoever for any drug or alcohol. No. Tobacco and coffee and plants will be my only addictions. I was clean for 10 years before I began my own recovery. Now my husband, no. He had 8 years clean from meth before he returned again for a 3 year run. Now it is as many others, just substituting one for another. Put down the foil and picked up a can- just changed metals is all. Abstinence is not recovery.
Saved in illinois	Re: How Many Here Have Relapsed from Meth? No relapse for me!! No program either. No rehab, no prescription drugs, no counseling. I've been clean 4 years, and 5 months and so has my husband. It is very possible to do it withouth "professional" help. First of all, you have to want to be clean. You have to ditch all the loser friends you've used with. Even if you've been "friends" for years. That is the hardest part. Then comes the loneliness. You have to be ready to cope. I didn't suffer intense cravings or withdrawl. I slept for a couple of days and was pretty grouchy, but it passed. I have no doubt in my mind that I will never ever use drugs again. I will tell you that I did lean on someone for support. But this someone is not in human form. I relied on God for strength and knowledge. He provided. You just have to trust Him. It's really rather simple.