Help, husband using meth again!

Why can't husband deal with life without meth?

Hi, to all you wonderful people on here. Can you please help me. I just found out that my husband that I love dearly has been using meth. We seperated for some time because of his drug use before. He quit it for a long time. I dont know why he started up again, maybe because he never got real help in the first place. But why now? I'm so hurt and confused. Why can't he deal with life without using? I had told him if "I found out he was using again, it would be over", but now its harder to leave than I thought. Does he need me? I sure do have alot of questions and I hope some of you guys can help with them. Im not really sure how bad it is but I do know he lost alot of wieght. He doesn't look healthy. Where do we start, in getting help? Thank you

Re: Why can't husband deal with life without meth?

Does he know that you know that he has been using again?

Re: Why can't husband deal with life without meth?

this is how addicts feel:

if you are addicted to meth,
...you are'nt going to quit if it's making you happy.
.........anymore than you would leave a lover, or best friend because they have a bad reputation.

You'll NEVER BELIVE this beloved friend ...will treat YOU like the others.

..........it LOVES YOU! ...see?

it makes you complete. it keeps you warm...
.......it makes you feel alive, and full of potential.
it makes you feel brand new, young, sexual, creative,
.......like you are a force in the universe that is kicking out
light and energy.

you become self absorbed, greedy and secretive,psychotic,paraniod, scattered, sketchy, obbsessive-compulsive, repetative behaivior, it will captivate and blind you while....

.............the new personality bores a place in your brain and starts to rot it out...
how far you decide to fall will determine the extent of your damage.

It HAS to BETRAY you.....brutally.

......to make you look like a fool.
lie to you. kick you in the teeth...
........ thats why our teeth are bad!
......I has to cause you to loose whats most important.
contaminate your existance.
....while the world watches helplessly screaming NO!
blinding you and tricking you...

it must wear on your soul, abuse you mentally and physiclly....you have to see signs of wear and tear.

you have to have auditory and visual hallucinations.
hear whispers and see flashes of the dark world showing and calling you.

you must spend some time in hell with the others that are damned, and watch each other rotting and loosing the spark that was there before meth.

you have to look into the hollow eyes of your friends, and watch them dying in front of you.

...........and see the reflection of yourself in there eyes.

then..

you'll never be right again...you ability to recieve pleasure naturally, your ability to feel joy....will be
lessened.
it gets your dopamine.
....the demon eats it all, and lives in your head instead.

........the demon will never go away.

I have a bad demon tied to a chair in the rotten part of my brain that stays forever.
that demon, is greedy, self absorbed, sketchy, unable to hold a job.

none of those things are me.

you just can't see it until.....????

no one knows that answer.

Re: Why can't husband deal with life without meth?

I'm not sure what your asking..

You can't 'fix' him if that's what your trying to do. If he got clean or will get clean this time I don't think it will happen for you it's something he will have to do for himself.

Can you help him? Ofcourse, but most of the time being with someone who is chemically dependant is like being with a sociopath, there is a lot of lying and manipulation and complete lack of trust. Make sure that if you want to stick around that you are ready for this. He probably won't get clean in the timeframe you want him to.

You found the right place to find the answers your looking for, a lot of people here have the same problem. It's very hard but things will get better, they did before right?

Re: Why can't husband deal with life without meth?

Yes,He did admit to me that he was using.

Re: Why can't husband deal with life without meth?

You have painted yourself into a corner by giving the ultimatum to leave, in my opinion if you don't go through with it then it is most likely he will continue to use secure in the knowledge that you will be there to do the cooking and cleaning. I would put the threat into motion and see his reaction, if he tries to stop you then give him a list of conditions, if he doesn't try to stop you there is little happiness in sharing you life with a paranoid self-centred meth addict anyway.

Re: Why can't husband deal with life without meth?

Forget Suzette's answer/post is telling it like it is....UNFORTUNATELY! Thank you Suzette.....that post was so enlightening to me......my son is the addict and I'm working hard to not enable and let him see the reality of what this drug has done to him...I'm seeing now, small glimmers of hope....His making comments about his so-called friends using him etc....his getting tired of the drama his using friends bring to him, wanting his help moving their junk from place to place, when they wear out their welcome each place they stay. He's noticing their lifestyle as abnormal and not answering their calls (because they create havoc wherever they go)....Praying soon he will realize how like them he is. Nothing good can come from living around meth.....and there's not a problem life can throw at ya that meth can't MAKE WORSE!

Stick to your guns......never issue an ultimatum you can't follow through with.....the sooner they feel the pain and loss this drug brings, the better! That ball won't bounce back into the air unless we let it hit the sidewalk....and the harder it hits the bottom the higher in the sky it then bounces....that's my new analogy!

Re: Why can't husband deal with life without meth?

You got him to admit he was using...now what? What are the plans? Does he have an idea what he needs to do, because your ideas are not going to work. He has to come up with something. It is HIS recovery.

This is going to be a rollercoaster of a ride. He may relapse over and over again. Can you handle this? If not, then you need to make some choices on what you can handle.
Coda, alanon are support groups for people who are in relationships with an addict. Do you have a church pastor, someone you trust and you can talk with about this? You are going to need a LOT of support as well. This will drain you emotionally most of the time, but the one thing you have to remember is you can not control him.

My name is debbie I am a 34 year old mother of 5 who has been an addict since I was 15. I am almost 100 days sober. I am also married to an addict.

welome and get all the information you need for you and suggest this website to him, maybe find some rehab centers in you area, get literature, information on long term meth use and what it does to the body and mind.

Re: Why can't husband deal with life without meth?

Blondie,
Welcome to the forum. We hope you will continue to come here and reach out to others. You received some good replies. My daughter is the addict. You have 2 issues here. Your husbands addiction that you have absolutely no control over. He is the only one to decide when he's had enough or when or if he will get help. The other issue and you. You must take care of yourself and do what feels right in your heart. Coming here was the 1st step.

Re: Why can't husband deal with life without meth?

Good Morning Blondie and Welcome.

I thnink you'll be glad you found this site. We are addicts, recovering addicts, loved ones and family members of addicts, here to help each other and learn from each other and support, love and encourage each other. We have all been stung by the demon meth, a most vile and addictive drug.

I have a few questions for you if you don't mind. OH, my name is Lori, I am 49 years old, I have been clean for a little over 9 years, and I was addicted to meth for 13 years of my life. Meth turned me into a shell of a person, it took my very soul, and I had to fight like hell to get it back...but I did.

Anyway, my questions are:
1. How long did he use before he quit the last time?
2. How long ago did he stop using?
3. How long have you been married, and are there children?
4. What to YOU want to do?
5. What does HE want to do?

That's a start.
Quote:

Im not really sure how bad it is

With meth, it's always bad as long as someone is using. Meth addiction is progressive, and as the user builds up a resistance to it, they will have to use more and more, and the more they use, the more bizarre the behavior.

Keep coming here and learning. Knowledge is power. Recovery is possible, but the addict's cooperation is necessary. And remember, addicts lie, period. They don't mean to, but they feel they must, and so they do. Eventually, they will do ANYTHING (practically) for meth.

I look forward to your next post. I'm sorry meth has entered your life, and I hope that your husband understands soon that there is only one direction that it can take him, and that is down, down, down.

Re: Why can't husband deal with life without meth?

Hi Blondie, you certainly found one of the best places for support! We can't tell you what to do, but we can point you in the direction to find your own answers.

First, I will tell you this. You previously told him that if he went back to drugs, it was over. If you don't stick to this now, he will run over you time and time again. You will make yourself the object of his manipulation and lies. I'm not saying you have to run out and file for divorce, but I would consider separation.

Next, learn, learn as much as you can. Knowledge is power and we need as much as we can get.

Was your husband working a program? Around here most agree that the meetings are what keeps them sober.

Also, learn to do things for yourself. When he doesn't come home, instead of sitting around worrying and crying, call a friend to go shopping, watch a movie that he would never watch with you. Do a little research on codependency. Maybe go to meetings yourself. By sitting and crying and yelling, you are allowing yourself to remain his victim in this. Feeling victimized isn't nice at all.

You may try writing. I write in an online diary. I also write lots of letters that never get sent. This helps me vent quietly and privately. It doesn't matter what we say to the addict, they aren't going to quit until they are ready.

That's all I can think of now. I wish you the best. You have us. I stayed on this board close to 24/7 when I first realized that my husband was using again.