If it weren't illegal, would you start using meth or have ever stopped?

I was just wondering for all of us EX-USERS ....

Would you if it weren't illegal, if you wouldn't get violated from Probation, If the cops couldn't haul you off to jail, if the system couldn't take your kids away, if jobs wouldn't fire you for being dirty ......

Would you go out and start using again. Would you have ever stopped ? But all the other factors still remain, everything else stayed the same.

Just Curious where everyone stands.

Not just no, but HELL NO!

Nothing ever made me stop except the insanity was no longer fun. For me it never had anything to do with the law, or job, or fear of losing kids. I could no longer live with my brain on speed. It was out of control. I was insane inside and out.

Me too Nineyearsclean ....

I just thought this would be a good piece of conversation.
To see the different sides of this for each of us.

I stay quit .... Not because I am afraid of going to jail.... not because of any of that .... and if I had kids it wouldn't be because they might come and take them from me.

It is because I NEVER WANNA BE that LOST of Broken inside again. And I wouldnt wanna put my kids in those situations.

I wanna live today and whether or not it was legal ... I know I would sink to that UGLY PLACE I just crawled out from.

No.
None of the above were the reasons I quit.
For all outward appearances, I was a good mom , we had a good home, perfect marriage, perfect family - perfect everything.

I quit because I ran out and couldn't score for 2 weeks.
At the end of that 2 weeks, I realized I had just lost a year of my life- a year with my children - including my youngest son's first birthday - all was a blur.
No clear memories of anything.

Losing a year was enough for me.
My children will only be young once- this is it.
This is all the time I have.
I refuse to spend it in a blur.
I love sunrises, I love sunsets, I love having bubble fights while doing dishes- I even loved it when my rat backfired- would have loved it more if someone had screamed but oh well.

On meth,I have none of that.
Without meth,I have it all.

No I would never do meth again- it's isn't the law that stops me-
it is life.And my love of life.

It's been over 10 years now since I have quit- I never missed meth even once.
I haven't quit missing that year I lost.

I quit to stay alive!....right after a close friend died, who incidently was the last person I bought meth from.
Jails, institutions, and death were certainly on the menu for me. Although I had'nt had any legal troubles, my home and acerage was 6 weeks into foreclosure, [oops!that IS legal trouble], bank account was empty [what's new], and I was spiritually and morally bankrupt. "what if" has no place in my reality today.
Ther never has been... nor will there ever be a reason to use, legal or not.

You know what happened to me, and I was thinking about this last night, no matter how eloquently I may tell my story, because I am, afterall, quite the accomplished wordsmith, the bottom line is this:

I CRASHED AND BURNED....

Plain and simple. Thank God my maker was there when I did. Like I said, He loved me when I was at my worst. God shouldn't have to prove His love, but He sure did that day.

I CRASHED AND BURNED....
And then I took His hand.

WOW!! As I was previewing this post, my laptop CRASHED!! Shut up!!

Anyway, it had nothing to do with losing my house or husband or kids or job or cars or freedom or anything or anyone tangible. I was losing my soul, and with that, I was losing my very life. I know, sure as I'm sittin here, that I was very close to death. I could feel it. I could sense it. There's no question in my mind whatsoever. I had lost almost every ounce of sanity, and I was dying.

Sort of a different angle on this, but:

I'm not a user. But if it weren't illegal?? I would definately have been tempted to try it before I knew more about it. Weight loss? No need for lots of sleep? Lots of energy? HELL YA... SIGN ME UP!!!

Thank god it is illegal or I'd probably be posting from the other side of the table, so to speak. Or possibly under the table... 6 feet under??

I know many people feel drug laws are not effective. And for many people they are not. However, they are the number one reason I would not try it. Even above common sence and fear. I was a big risk taker growing up, adrenaline junkie. I'm quite sure I would have loved it.

I agree with many of the others.

Legality or illegality had nothing to do with it.

No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The legality of it has nothing to do with it.

When I decided to quit none of these things were factors. I was not in trouble with the law, I have no children, I did not have a job to worry about losing. I quit because of internal factors, not external. I quit to be proactive, not reactive. I quit to have a better life and self worth.

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I'm quite sure I would have loved it.

I knew I was gonna love it too. I knew that for a long time, years, before I actually succumbed to the temptation.

That's why I was so adamantly opposed to it, because I knew, if all of the hype I heard about how great it was - was true, that I was gonna love it.

And I did, at first....well, you know the rest of the story!

if it were legal i would still be using prolly...but then again...it is illegal now and i have lost my mom, dad,a house,relationship,job,friends,and myself...so if it were legal...all i would have left to loose is my life...love ya all...Tammy

I thought that I was smart cause most those things you mention did not apply to me either.

I just had too loose (my heart this last time) a couple houses, thousands of dollars and countless piles of stuff to the S.O.s that I enabled by doing it with them and allmost getting caught up in the methed up world we could live in.

Like XOutlawWoman, I have no kids, I wasn't in trouble with the law and didn't have a job to lose. But I needed a job desperately and even though I'd worked all of my adult life before meth, I couldn't focus on anything well enough to get work. I couldn't interview well and had anyone been naive enough to hire me, I doubt I would have done a good job. I was depressed and terribly afraid for my future as I was only a few dollars (or a few screw ups) away from homelessness. I looked like death warmed over and hurt all over, all of the time. I was constantly battling mouth infections and oral thrush, swelling in my legs and feet, and back, neck and shoulder pain. I missed my non-user friends but couldn't be around them because of my drug habit and the shame that it brought me. I've always had a friendly face and strangers have always smiled at me, said "hi," or waved at me. On meth, however, I must have looked like psycho chick or something because people would avert their eyes and look away from me.

So my answer is a very loud, "NO!" I wouldn't voluntarily feel like hammered dog @#%$, look like hell, alienate myself from friends and strangers and live on the street even if it weren't illegal.

HEY NORTH CALI ANGIE.
i'M NEW HERE BUT NCALI TOO....

i AM CURRENTLY not quit; however, I am here because I gave up over 6 years clean from meth so I do know what quitting entails. Unfortunately, at 25, I didn't realize what I had actually accomplished or I'd have guarded my life with my LIFE.

there is no real life in meth. I would never choose, EVer, never, would I
CHOOSe to have ever tried meth again ever. I would give back all of the highs for
my life. My easy life. My life without the taste of meth in my mouth wanting more. My life when I was in control.
the life where I attended every day with ease and with laughter and with the ability to feel life's little desires.
with meth addiction, I may desire many things but I WANT WANT WAnt want want all that is bad and that takes up all the time that i have.

hope this post is not too bizarre. I've been told that I'm "psycho", so that could be true! (meth is psycho, NO?)

Luck to me, whatever. I hope I wake up and this was all a dream, I easily get up , get dressed, and face the day without any hidden agenda or pipe dreams... I am me.
I know that there will be no such reality but that is my wish.

Hell NO! Illegal, llegal, @#%$ meth is death in a clever disquise. EVEN If you can face the facts that decay has set in, EVEM if you the courage to take it face on, meth is driving your car and doesn'[t care what road it's on. If you ever come to realize your not driving the car, getting your life back may still be too far.

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meth is psycho, NO?)

Yes, too shy, it is. Meth steals our sanity.
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I hope I wake up and this was all a dream, I easily get up , get dressed, and face the day without any hidden agenda

Yeah, the demon always leaves us wishing we didn't love to hate it. It never keeps its promises, I know. It is evil that way.
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meth is death in a clever disquise.

That it is, my sweet. That it is.

 

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meth is driving your car and doesn'[t care what road it's on

But you gave it the keys.

 

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If you ever come to realize your not driving the car, getting your life back may still be too far.

You know what, I understand that feeling. I've felt that feeling. I had lost all control of where I was going, of who I was.

But if you've already traveled that road once, like the last time when you were out there and you came in from the rain, and you walked that long road back to sanity, then why would you think it is any further away this time? It should be closer than before, am I wrong?

I went down that long road, I traveled it, and it was a long haul. Why would that daunt you now, when you've already been down that road and found your destination?

Another thing I want to know:

How could you stay clean for 6 years, and still feel so compelled to give in to the demon? Are you trying to say that you were still so addicted to it, that you couldn't use the tools you learned in 6 years to get past the urge, or craving?

Did you not learn how to deal with life on life's terms? In all of those 6 years, were you merely abstaining?

Also, how long have you been out there this time? A year? Two? You were 25 when you went back out, I deduce, so how old are you now?

Didn't life, real life, taste good to you?? I think it did. What was it you said?....

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My easy life. My life without the taste of meth in my mouth wanting more. My life when I was in control.

The demon all of a sudden one day showed up and convinced you that the life you were living could be better if you let it in again? How?

I really want to understand this, because after all these years, I just don't see it happening ever. I remain humble, I know that I am and always will be an addict, and I work on myself daily to reinforce the lessons I've learned in life, both before recovery and after. Did you not do this? Did you get...dare I say, over-confident?

Please explain to me how, after 6 years, the demon lured you back? Please.

Nope. Being arrested, jailed, losing my job and my husband were the kick in the ass I needed to figure out that my life was never going to work as long as I kept getting loaded. If they made it all legal today, I would still not go back out, because the insanity in my life started on the INSIDE and ended up in jail.

Nope. I'm glad that it got me into trouble because it was the kick in the arse that I needed to get me to admit that meth was a serious problem. My life was insane and unmanageable and it being legal had nothing to do with it. My life is so much more wonderful than I ever dreamed possible. I am so grateful to be clean today.

Too shy .... Hi there so glad you posted. Funny though you are the first one who ever pointed out and or thought that maybe the N in my screen name meant Northern .... LOL

the N really stands for IN .... Angie In Cali.

I am actually in So Cal.

But hey were both still cali girls right.

If there is anything I can ever do to help you please let me know. You did it once you can do it again.

PM me if you like.

Where in Northern Cali are you?

Please keep posting.

So Glad to have you here.

hey you guys - um, i just wrote like a major paper in response to questions posted by Nangie and nine years clean but somehow it didn't go through....I'll do more later.

For now, Um, Nangie, sorry 'bout that mix up but yes a california girl is a california girl all the same.
I am north San Francisco area....that's about as specific as I like to be online for now. Thanks.

NineYears Clean- many good questions, all of which I have asked myself becasue I was clean for long enough that I never thought that I would use again ever. Why have a few hours of fun when you can have a good day every single day? <- that was my motto in regards to meth.
the short answer is that I was over confident. I am confident usually by nature so when I was done for a couple months I KNEW i was done. and i was. for over 6 years, so I was kinda right.
ONly, i didn't realzie that meth can sneak into your life again by just being a topic of discussion (like fam s habit) for too long, then offered some from a schoool friend (said no) then went drinking and ran into it again.
I forgot how important NOT DOING IT IS because I wanted to do more immediately and that is what happened when I first tried it.
This is short but I fully understand your position and felt the same. I guess the only difference for me was that I wasn't guarding my sobriety...infact, hardly anyone knew I ever was a user, I forgot too, kinda??
ah! it still doesnt' make sense to me! after writing all that , those are not good reasons to have begun again.
What is up with me? why am i such the loser sometimes? I mean who relapses after such a strong quit. I NEWVER THOUGHT ABOUT METH ANYMORE.L.
LOL
I will do it again. I know that I can.
I come here to get my strenght , courage, etc. to try.
I need to let out my confused thoughts and strange feelings.

thanks everything you guys do for everyone here. its great.