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What do you tell a meth addict in jail?


blueheart What do you tell a meth addict in jail?
What do I tell my 26 year old meth addicted son in jail, who blames his circumstances on everybody and everything other than himself? He was kicked out of rehab on day 53 one year ago. He was then kicked out of his halfway house twice. How do you help your son when he does not own his addiction and says he doesn't need help? How do you help someone in total denial? How do you attempt to even meet halfway? After all "he doesn't need help"..... just wants out....?
     Replies...
Savedin
illinois
Re: What do you tell a meth addict in jail?
You stop trying to help him and let him help himself. It will be painful, but back off and take care of yourself. He's a big boy, he has to do this for himself.
LivesWith
Wolves
Re: What do you tell a meth addict in jail? 
I would try getting him some NA and AA books. If he is bored and alone, perhaps he will turn to those and learn something.

I also recommend taking care of yourself. Not backing away from him, but focusing on you and what you want in life.
Loraura Re: What do you tell a meth addict in jail?
What do you say to an addict in jail?

I don't know.

I'd probably start with: "So... how's the food?"

Then again, I'm not known for having vast amounts of empathy for people when they are angry about having to suffer the consequences of their actions.
forget
suzette
Re: What do you tell a meth addict in jail?
I thought this was a joke...
....like what kinda bird doesn't fly.

jail bird.

tell him to use his time wisely.
....don't fight it.

read, meditate, work out, detox.
.........rejuvinate, look forward and inward.
nineyears
clean
Re: What do you tell a meth addict in jail?
Quote:
Then again, I'm not known for having vast amounts of empathy for people when they are angry about having to suffer the consequences of their actions.

 I LOVE your candor. I really, really do. And, I love you too.

blueheart:

He's in denial, so don't waste your breath. I'd definitely get him some recovery reading material. I wouldn't say anything about it, I'd just send it or drop it off and let him do what he wants with it.

Take good care of yourself. It must be absolutely heartbreaking to be the parent of an addict, especially when they don't see a problem. My heart goes out to you, as a mother myself.

He's going to have to own his addiction before he can be helped or help himself. Until then, love him from afar, where you and your heart are safe.

IMHO

Cabird Re: What do you tell a meth addict in jail?
When mine was in jail I told him how sorry I was. He did the same as yours. It was the fault of everyone else. He didn't have a problem. He was in total denial. I told him that I have never been in jail because jail is optional. No one has to go there. I also told him I was so glad he had been rescued by the police because now he had a bed every night and food to eat. I meant every word of it. I didn't worry when he was in jail because I knew where he was. Be happy that he is in jail. It will be harder to get drugs there. He will calm down. Mine did. Once he learned that we wouldn't get him out he tried nicer tactics. We still didn't get him out. We bailed him out the first time and the second time, but we finally caught on that he was a victim of his own doing. He finally got off drugs after 6 times of being arrested and put in jail. He was never in prison. He has been clean for over 3 years now and is doing quite well. He was on meth too.
k8kanguru Re: What do you tell a meth addict in jail?
*hugs for blue* Long time no see.

My suggestions:

"You made your bed buddy, now you get to lie in it."

"Grow up and deal with it."

Sorry Blue, but I really don't think indulging his blame game does him any favors. Drug addicts are not immune to consequences...even if the drug lies and tells them they are invincible.
Kathy
as
cmom
Re: What do you tell a meth addict in jail?
Blueheart,
After my daughters 1st time in jail I simply told her this was something I could not fix. Pure and simple. She would cry and whine about being mistreated and I would tell her that I am "nobody" to those people and neither is she. I told her to humble herself and go by the rules and do what she had to to get by. It was heartbreaking. But if you think about it, what can you do? NOTHING! This is a good time for them to accept the consequences of their behavior. Sounds harsh, but so true. I feel your heart breaking but get tough, ok?
JUSTCATS Re: What do you tell a meth addict in jail?
There is no "meeting him half-way." I think that, you have already done that, and he wants to live in his world of denial, and blame, just like my addict is.

My addict is sitting in prison now, because of his meth addiction. He had two chances with his felony probation officer and he blew them both, because of meth.

What did I say? I did not sugar-coat it. I gave him the FACTS. He is to blame for this addiction. He is a meth addict and in denial. He will DIE if he does not, get off of the meth. Every time he uses, he is permanently damaging his organs.

I also, told him of the damage that he has done to his heart, and he is lucky that heart attack scare wasn't the real one, and that the seizures he had were, permanently damaging his brain...

I also, then printed off a bunch of info on meth from the internet and sent it. That is all I could do, the rest is up to him.

I was exactly where you are. However, I got tired of the denial and the blame game. You can educate an addict and give him the tools to help them through recovery, but you cannot make them, want to recover...
blueheart Re: What do you tell a meth addict in jail?
Thanks to each of you for your pearls of wisdom. You are all so right.... I need to take my own advice and let go and let God. Thank you for reminding me.
sdm
sanjose
Re: What do you tell a meth addict in jail?

When J***  was in jail I mailed him print outs from this forum and his Grandfather sent him scriptures. So far it does not seem to do any good but it did not cost much and what do we have to loose?

The last time he was in jail I went to see him and he told me not to visit him anymore (Ouch!). That was when I was forced to let go and let God. I am a slow learner.

I have not forgot about L***. I hope he and God find each other in that jail.
Nyte
Passion
Re: What do you tell a meth addict in jail?
What do you tell a mom whose son is in jail

Don't try and fix this for him mom ... Cover the ears of your heart and don't listen to the spewing, begging or pleading of your son ..

He got himself there ... what an uncomfortable place to be .. I swear .. there is nothing worse then being a addict and being locked up (caged and enraged) ... best place for him to be ESPECIALLY if he is in denial and doesn't want help .. keeps him off the street and not using ... least you can rest knowing where he is ..

Resist making this as comfortable as possible for him .. let him tough it out .. send him some stuff to read NA book, copies of things about denial and addiction .. stories from others that maybe he can relate to .. He may or may not read it .. 50/50 worth a shot

Stay strong mom and don't beat your head against the wall .. you'll only hurt your head

You can't make him clean no matter how much you love him ..
He has to want it for himself .. send him goodies to read .. it is brain food .. knowledge is power and it is a better wrestler than most of us
Guene Re: What do you tell a meth addict in jail?
Hey Blueheart, I'm really sorry about your son and will I wish I had magic words to help you feel better, but as you know I don't. Jamie is doing not good, although I don't think she's doing meth all the time, I still think she's doing it. I also know that she is going to be in for a surprise when we move away, she's going to have to grow up fast, Mommy and Daddy won't be there to help out anymore. Your right you know it's time to let go and let god. I have been chasing her around for 8 year's now, and I given more than I've gotten back. All my love and prayer's go out to you.
blueheart Re: What do you tell a meth addict in jail?
Thank you.  I'm ok.... I really am - it's just my son, you know.... You are all such wonderful people - thank you for your advice and care. I am encouraged that he is the one who turned himself in. Step 1. I really don't know what to say at this point. Maybe in a few weeks he will start to feel some emotions he hasn't experienced for a long time, and it will make sense for me to gently whisper something about denial. We'll see..... You guys are the best. Thank you.
Mrs
Korea
Re: What do you tell a meth addict in jail?
I say let him sit there. After all the withdrawal, he will quit blaming everyone else. At least that was how it was with my husband. (He's now in the Utah State Prison) But I wouldn't change that for anything. It has helped our relationship so much and he has been working on improving himself to stay clean.

It's hard, My husband would call home those first few weeks, scream and yell at me that I wasn't doing enough to get him out, then cry because he felt bad that he let me down, then get depressed where he didn't even want to talk, then back to angry to crying, etc. It was a cycle and it lasted for almost six weeks or better.

How long has your son been in jail? DON'T let him get to you...he will find out for himself that it wasn't your fault. You just need to believe that too.
danimal
55
Re: What do you tell a meth addict in jail?
I'd tell him that he's lucky he's there and not 6 feet under like so many others are. My son Jason is eternally grateful for the year in prison that "saved his life".
The system can lock us up physically, but not spiritually the way meth does.
Jails, institutions and death are the ultimate reward for meth addiction and the underlying self betrayal that is synonymous with it.
Given a choice, I'd opt for the slammer  Lets wish him clarity, accountability, and the strength to pry that third eye open.
The wonder and magic of life is right in front of our noses...if we can just open our eyes!
blue
heart
Re: What do you tell a meth addict in jail?
Thank you Mrs. Korea and Dan. He has been in for two weeks now. I'm going to remain quiet for a little while until I can figure out what to say and how to say it. Thank you for your help. Dan you and your boys are so blessed to have each other. Regardless of the trials you've each been thru, you have a bond so sacred that many go thru life and never experience. Bless you all. What you've said makes perfect sense.... clarity, accountability and strength is exactly what we're praying for here.

See also:

What do we do when our addict goes to jail?

Is there any talking a meth addict into quitting?


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