KCI The Anti_Meth Site

Approaching a meth user about their addiction

doug	Approaching a meth user about their addiction I would like to find a way of approaching my sister about her meth addiction problem and the problems that it is placing on the family....Any advice?
Replies...
loveman hate meth1	Re: Approaching a meth user about their addiction I wish I could tell you something good, but I can't. When someone is under the influence of meth they rarely listen to reason. They usually get defensive and try to turn things around and blame everyone else. You can try to do it in a loving way, but if that doesn't work I would consider an intervention. The problem with an intervention is that you have to stick to your bottom line. For instance if you tell her that if she continues to use you will no longer have contact with her, you have to be willing to stick to that. It won't work otherwise. By the time a family is ready to do an intervention it is a "last resort" type of thing. Good luck and keep coming back here to learn about the effects of meth addiction. Sorry your family is having to deal with this.
Sfj	Re: Approaching a meth user about their addiction Yes, I can tell you how to approach her. But first, does she admit that she uses? or Does she deny her use? If she admits it, has she ever expressed a desire to quit, or has she ever asked for help? If possible, can you also say her age, if she is employed, married, parent, how long has she been using etc? Thanks
doug	Re: Approaching a meth user about their addiction she is 31, married with no children yet her actions imply that she is 16
Sfj	Re: Approaching a meth user about their addiction Ok, you didn't answer the most important question. ?Does she admit her use?? That is the first step in recovery. ?We admitted we were powerless over Crystal Meth and that that our lives had become unimaginable.? If one goes to NA or AA, substitute the words Drugs or Alcohol in place of Crystal Meth But if she neither has nor yet admitted using, here's where you start. This is a generic script I'm inventing on the spot, but you'll see the various elements that can be adapted as required. A few things to remember - don't attack, don't accuse, don't argue and don't act like a mom, a superior, a fixer, or mentor. Start with something like this: ?I'm very concerned because I love you. I have noticed that lately you have been doing some things, or displaying behaviors that are very similar to the behaviors of meth users. I don't know if you are of course, and actually, it is none of my business. But it seems that if I notice these things, I'm sure that other people probably notice them also. I'm not here to accuse you or even really question you. All I want to do is tell you I love you and that I want you to know I'm here to listen if you want to talk.? Avoid any long statements, or lectures. Even questions need to be in a very short version. Meth addicts have a very short attention span. I know it seems humorous to ex-users, but I often use the phrase: "A speedfreak has an attention span of about twelve and a half seconds." Please let me know if you need more particulars. I have a jillion resources available. There are ways of helping an addict, but it will require incredibly huge amounts of emotional investment and it may seem unfair and not worth it, and even small amounts of success may seem to be too much to be worth the trouble. The time, energy, tears, pain, and even money can make you emotionally bankrupt unless you really know what you're doing. 1. Get as much info as you can 2. Develop a plan 3. Seek professional help 4. Realize the truthful limitations 5. Most importantly - Trust God Do's and Don'ts
doug	Re: Approaching a meth user about their addiction well the do's and don'ts I believe are extremely important. however the professional help that you suggest is not feasible in my area, I only have the internet and this forum to help me. I have researched meth extensively and we are willing to stand by any decisions that we make. full story is she admitted to me 1 year ago about her drug use. her marriage is falling apart because of it and it seems that her husband is unwilling or unable to help her on her own. she has lost a wonderful job due to this addiction but is currently employed part time. at this time I am unaware of the frequency of her use. It sounds like this will be a long process of recovery or even acceptance of her problem. so is it everyone's recommendation that this will only work if she wants the help? and if she continues to deny her problem then what??? just let her continue with it?? I don't even think in the state that she is in that anything we say will convince her that we mean what we say. if we told her that you are no longer welcome around the family until you seek help - I am positive that she would be fine with it. then what??? lose my sister to this addiction??? I know I know it's a long road ahead, I guess I am just frustrated because we can't fix this overnight.
Sfj	Re: Approaching a meth user about their addiction yeah, The toughest decision is if you want to go ahead and continue to try to help her, or do you want to give up and wait until she seeks recovery on her own. Even if you decide to help her, it could be very emotionally costly to everyone involved. Either way, I pray God's blessings on her, on you and your family.
starry eyed	Re: Approaching a meth user about their addiction Hi, Doug. I also have a sister who is a meth addict. I feel for you, I know the pain of having a sibling essentially throwing their life away. We (my family) are all wondering the same things you are. What do we do? How can we help? I know you'll find a lot of great support and answers here. I wish I had some really great answers but I have come to accept the fact that I can't control my sister or her addiction. As hard as it is to see her do this to herself I know I can't save her. I wish the best for you and your sister. Please continue to keep us updated. Hugs and Welcome.
forget suzette	Re: Approaching a meth user about their addiction You could print this, and give it to her, from her sister suzie. .....good luck. I doubt it'll help.... .....I've typed and spoken endless words that do not translate to people using. ....nor did they work for me. I want to just inform you... ~ YOU HAVE CHOSEN METH ~ this is your job description as "disciple of meth" you will be a missionary touring poverty, death, bending decaying minds, rotting, insanity, violence, perversions beyond your power to understand, that will steal your soul away and leave you as hollow inside as a meth mobile, just a brainless bottom feeder going around yearning, needing, desiring METH baby! running on meth, and stopping, sputtering and choking, dying...with out it. You will spend all your time wanting, and hoping to get METH. ....You won't get a home, it's cool, it's not important, neither are relationships, dreams, education, career, relaxing, dopamine, nothing else will be within your reach. ......besides meth!....and getting some more! as long as you got meth, that's all you got to worry about. What your personal limitations are will decide how willing you are to get METH! REMEMBER you get METH ONLY!!! NOTHING ELSE! You will get plenty of it, so HAVE FUN! ....go fast! Do one for me! ......crunch into a shard for me!.. yummy! you shake, freeze up, get a whiskey face, and shiver all over to the tips of your nipples, and clench your teeth and jaw. I fkin' LOVE/ED speed so much. ............It was the LOVE of my LIFE! ........I LOVED the taste of it! I've fkin' eaten it off floors! ....bathroom floors! I used to eat it, snort it and smoke it! ........a couple of times... when my connection changed batches, sometimes it was stronger than I thought, I ate too much, and had to puke, ...... VOMITED in a cup, saved it, and drank it later! you can't say I'm not loyal to my drug. ...I loved it, and I did anything for it, I didn't fk for it, and I considered it very carefully, over quitting. ....but I chose my soul. ....believe me I sold EVERYTHING else...or LOST it! I hocked, pawned, sold, stole, lied, borrowed, begged, bartered, got fronts .. LAID down my WHOLE LIFE! to honor it. I gave it my all. .............and it never did anything for me, but make me retarded. ....I can't even use the experience to keep you from being another victim of a dirty trick. ........just so you know. you can't beat the clock. "Look out you rock n' rollers! ........pretty soon now you going to get older!" -----bowie I'm not telling you to quit! .....be the best drug addict you can be! see rock bottom! I'm just saying with out trying to sway you in either direction. you can have ANYTHING YOU WANT. ...just not EVERYTHING. you must choose what you will spend you time on in this life.....and you only have so much available time. like,... imagine we are in a big supermarket (life). and you have a certain amount of money to spend there (Time) ......you have to pick something you really want, because that's what you'll spend all your time on. .....you could learn to be an interior decorator, or photographer, or a speed freak. speed freak is real. you learn a lot in your chosen field about survival, trust, psychosis, whelps, fever blisters... it's like a perk you get for being retarded, you get this overwhelming feeling of well being that breaks when the speed runs out. obviously when the spell is lifted and you are on a dung heap.. .....you go back to the dealer and turn your dung heap to gold again. you think it spins straw into gold. ....but then, it's only you, who could see the straw was gold when it's all over. .....and it never was. the sad thing is how much you LOVE it. ....it's your best friend, it cures loneliness, gives you strength and confidence, vibrant energy, ideas, and beauty at first. you love it, and it loves you and you will always have crystal to hold you when things get bad. I remember thinking flat out, I'll go see my best friend. and while you are loving it, it is robbing you. .....it takes all your money, strength, natural ability to feel joy, you, what you stand for, and believe in to your core... ...you throw it all away and put all your faith in what's good and true to YOU. like following Manson... "Charlie is Jesus" ....yeah right. ...but its deep. even Charles Manson's momma still thinks he was framed. ....we defend, protect, cover, and are extremely loyal. we jumps thru hoops like trick poodles and smile back at it ....it says... you got to do more. it's the most hardcore brainwashing, scam, lie, hoax, slap in the face betrayal there is. we stay with it for YEARS.....we build our life around it. we love it, we're married to it. it's like we are in this group that was screwed over by the same con artist. ...and the mothers whose children fell into a cult. like Jim Jones. it whispers the same promise in all of our ears and falls short. it gives us an edge on the world. ....but soon the entire universe has the edge on you. and speed laughs in your face and says... you poor fool. I feel like my best friend threw me out of the car I picked it up in. .....and I just woke up beaten, and alone on the highway Every single time you do speed, you are paying for it in natural well being. I want to die ...I wish it killed me. one more run for me? I might get the guts to pull that trigger. you are ruining your life, I did it already......please don't do it too. ....If you're there, you aren't here. when you get here, you'll see what I mean and it'll be to late. when you've seen the things meth has to show you. ....you won't belong in the "normal" world. then come see me. ..it's dark, and you are unable to see what's really happening to you. ....you will lose everything you ever cared about, you'll become self absorbed, greedy and secretive, psychotic, paranoid, scattered, sketchy, obsessive-compulsive, repetitive behavior, it will captivate you and blind you while.... .............the new personality bores a place in your brain and starts to rot it out... how far you decide to fall will determine the extent of your damage. ......if you stop now, (and we know you won't,.... and furthermore we'll know the outcome before you ever guess what hit you) you'll never be right again...you ability to receive pleasure naturally, your ability to feel joy....will be lessened. it gets your dopamine.....the demon eats it all, and lives in your head instead.........the demon will never go away. I have a bad demon tied to a chair in the rotten part of my brain that stays forever. that demon, is greedy, self absorbed, sketchy, unable to hold a job. none of those things are me. this drug is like a lover you are completely in love with, deeply and you believe it loves you. it will betray you... while the important people in your life beg you to leave, you can't see how bad he's fking you. it lies, it steals, it makes your loved ones stand by helplessly as they watch you rot to death and go insane. METH DESTROYED OUR ABILITY TO ENJOY LIFE AT REGULAR SPEED. WE DON'T FEEL GOOD WHEN WE DO IT ANYMORE! WE DON'T FEEL GOOD WHEN WE DON'T! WE MISSED SO MANY EVENTS OF OUR LIVES IT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU! METH DOESN'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE THAN IT LOVED US! IT LIED! IT SAID IT LOVED US TOO! IT WAS MY BEST FRIEND ...and now I look like I lost my best friend. WE ARE SCREWED! YOU WILL HAVE NOT BEEN PRESENT IN YOUR OWN LIFE WHEN YOUR YOUTH BLURS BY YOU, AND YOU BODY STARTS BREAKING.
imlost inky	Re: Approaching a meth user about their addiction Best post you have ever written Suz. Always gives me chills and hits my soul hard. Yep- that is it. The grand illusion of meth. in a nutshell.......me too Suz...it damaged me too. Love you always. I would indeed print this all out for her. I would give it to her. I would approach her just as SfJ has says- from love. Then I would pray as hard as I could that she hears. I hope you, your sister, and your family make it out of this hell okay. This is hell. Love to you all - we are here anytime you need a friend.
doug	Re: Approaching a meth user about their addiction thank you all for your replies...we are gathering information to learn more about this... we are also planning on approaching her with your advice...i will keep you updated on her progress...please continue to give advice and anything else you can...thanks again..
Sfj	Re: Approaching a meth user about their addiction Doug, The more info you give us, the better advice and suggestions we can offer.
doug	Re: Approaching a meth user about their addiction she has been using for one year...started using with her husband but he soon got off the stuff after a couple of tries. she has lost jobs due to using this stuff. she has constant mood swings and confronts my parents in front of the entire family. I feel like knocking the sh*t out of her when she does that. she has lost a lot of weight but is slowly gaining it back. I still have not found out how many times a week she uses. she almost lost her house and is deeply in financial debt. my parents have helped her way too much and they are now done helping financially. I have always been there for her since she was a kid and now I feel that we need to initiate tough love. if there any specifics you would like to know please ask as I am dazed about the whole situation.
forget suzette	Re: Approaching a meth user about their addiction there's really not much you can do, there wasn't for me. ...it's like watching her die, I know. part of her is gone now. .......she has to see it for herself. if she's in love, (with speed) she'll be faithful. ....KY, that's 3 posts joined together.
Sfj	Re: Approaching a meth user about their addiction Again, in a general sense, she has some deeper problems. One of the main reasons people stay addicted to meth is to cover up the pain and hurt of other emotional and psychological problems. I'm sure she could benefit from therapy, counseling, or other form of emotional help. Marriage counseling can often find problems that may have been repressed or hidden. Ninety per cent of meth addicts suffer from pain of feeling extreme loneliness. Especially if they are married. We meth addicts will stop when the pain of continued use exceeds the fear of withdrawal . Quitting meth is very difficult, recovering is one of the hardest things I've ever done, the only thing harder is not recovering. May I strongly recommend the book, "Crystal Meth They Call It Ice" by Dr. Mary Holley, she is also the founder of "Mothers Against Meth." Drug abuse begins for one reason and continues for another.