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Relationship problems with addicts

mtgl7771 Relationship problems with addicts
Does anybody that is married or in love with an addict ever feel like nothing you do or decide is right?

Is it just me? I thought for a long time that loving him supporting him would be enough. Not so.

I thought that ignoring it and him would wake him up. Not so.

I thought that threatening him with telling people with cnx cards etc would do it. Not so

Then I finally throw him out, with enough warning I think, and maybe I expected too much. Now I'm getting the "you want to play dirty" themes.

I keep thinking maybe I should have held out a little longer. Maybe if I said this or that. Maybe Maybe Maybe.

Maybe because I threw him out he will go to rehab and come back my husband.
Maybe because I threw him out he will hate me for the rest of his life.
Maybe because I threw him out he will start doing it worse and end up worse.

How do we know what the right answer is?
Relationship problems with addicts
No it's not just you. I have been through all the maybes over and over for the past 10 years. How do we know what the right answer is? In my opinion, We don't. I will quote something that meth phobia said to me when i first started coming here, and that is ," Don't burn that bridge...Don't close that door." It works for me. God Bless.
Relationship problems with addicts
You could keep guessing and never get the right answer, then die. Or you could quit playing.
Relationship problems with addicts
I'm right there with you. I'm a recovering addict that's pregnant with my first child. I'm clean but my guy isn't. We are both in outpatient treatment at different treatment centers. He just entered treatment one month ago. He wasn't using until one week ago, that's when he relapsed and he's been making my life hell again for the last seven days. I can't trust him, he doesn't listen to me when I give him ultimatums (sp?) he's selfish he's a total ass when high. The list of crap a person has to put up with when their spouse is high is very long. I'm due the first week of November. I can't have my guy around my son if he's using. I need him to quit now and get in a pattern of healthy living. I don't want him to wait until my son's born and have him be dealing with just getting clean when the baby is just entering this world. I'm here for support and suggestions. I have the same questions you have. Good luck. If you find the magical cure I want to be the first to know!
Relationship problems with addicts
I have a magical cure for you......
Do what's best for you....and let him do what's best for him.
YOU are not the one with the problem, why should you be the one to carry all the worries?
Relationship problems with addicts
An addict isn't going to quit until he/she is ready to quit. Plain and simple.

No threats, loss, beatings, nothing will keep an addict from that next hit until the addict is ready to quit.

So many times, I've seen love turn into a battle of wills. You can only do so much for addict who wants recovery, but it's ultimately up to the individual to make to move that is best for him/her.

NOTHING you can do can change that.

You can love from a safe distance and in the meantime, keep the line of communication and education going. Educate yourself on meth, addictions, co-dependency, traumas.

See also:

Practical tips for surviving a spouse's addiction

Cheating / infidelity....how can you forget?

Communicating with a recovering spouse

How to handle your significant other's bad days

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