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How do you go from dope friends to real friends?


starry
eyed
How do you go from dope friends to real freinds?
So I have a question about friends. The last people I had that I considered to be close friends with were 'dope friends'.

Then I met my husband and his friends and I never 'clicked' with any of them. Therefore I never really had close friends again.

I have the opportunity for friends again now that I started my new job. Quite a few of the people are my age, most have kids, and I feel that I have something in common with them. My question is, how do you go from dope friends to real friends? How do you be a good friend? How do you form good relationships with people and get them to like you? I know this sounds like stuff that you should figure out in kindergarten but I need to know.
     Replies...
forget
suzette
Re: How do you go from dope friends to real freinds?
To have a friend, you got to be a friend....
....I just treat people like I'd like to be treated, and that usually works for me.
just like dope friend ships.......you buy dinner sometimes, they buy sometimes.
you offer gas money if they drive, they offer if you drive..like breathing..
....you just give and take.
and be aware of the glass ball hovering over your relationship...
....that's trust.
try not to drop and shatter the ball.
chris
gonz
Re: How do you go from dope friends to real freinds?
Just be yourself.
Tell the truth.
Have fresh breath.
A positive attitude... or not.
Have fun.

Much peace
Paws
from hell
Re: How do you go from dope friends to real freinds?
Friends are people who like you in spite of your faults. That you share common interests, goals and values with.

The best way to make new friends is to find out what your interests, values and goals are now .
Learn to accept people in spite of their faults.
To make a friend to have to be a friend.
Penel0pe Re: How do you go from dope friends to real freinds?
Just be yourself.
Some people will like you, some won't.
I bet most of em will, though.
starry
eyed
Re: How do you go from dope friends to real freinds?
Thanks, Suz. I guess it's pretty self-explanatory and obvious. It's just that dope = instant popularity + instant rapport.

It's sometimes hard to relate to people, that's all. It's also only logical to wonder if these are friends you want around your kids. All of my co-workers seem really nice and I am the 'new girl' and they are all great friends already, so it looks positive so far.

We'll see.
Hasn't anyone else here ever wondered how to relate to people to haven't had the same past as you? I mean I think my two year drug binge in my early adulthood is a wildly different experience than most other twenty somethings I know have had.

I'm over thinking this.
Penel0pe Re: How do you go from dope friends to real freinds?
Probably 90% of the people I know, in the bigger picture, don't "Get" me most of the time.

I learned (recently the hard way) that as long as I like me, the rest only matter a little bit.

People are people, they're going to like you or not like you, or they're going to like you to your face and smack talk behind your back, and a handful of em are going to be your closest, most trusted allies.

It's not you, it's the rest of us.

As long as you like yourself, you'll learn to be OK with everyone else.
music
girl99
Re: How do you go from dope friends to real freinds?
Work friends can be the best.
Just be you, don't tell them everything. You have things in common. Kids, etc. Go with that.
I've learned the hard way that everything I think doesn't have to fall out of my mouth.
So enjoy their company, and just let it happen.
Relax.
You will be just fine.

le
grumps

Re: How do you go from dope friends to real freinds?
I am kind of learning how to have real friends too. Sometimes I don't feel so patient with them because some of them are really innocent. So I am working on patience and acceptance.

Acceptance of me, too. I thought that everyone would think I was a leper when I started my new job. Or that I am insane. Cause I get a little wound up, and am always in peoples space. But what I have learned is that people /do/ think I am a little nuts, but in a good way. I make people laugh. With practice, I learn how to care a little bit more about what other people are going through, even if I think it's trivial.

I am honest with some people about my addiction, but most of the time I keep it to myself. I am trying not to drink now, so I tell people I am going on a "health kick". I don't try to immerse myself in other people... I leave myself plenty of time and space for myself.

Normies are rife with drama and backstabbing, too. I take care of myself by watching my own actions, and beyond that, if someone wants to be a hater or all dramatic-like, they are welcome to do so on their own time. I have learned the balance of letting everyone know where they stand with me, without it being "you all stand below me".

I give people a chance to get to know me. And if they don't like it, I don't get offended like I used to.

Hope this was helpful
starry
eyed
Re: How do you go from dope friends to real freinds?
That's some really good advice. One rule I have made for myself is to stay the hell out of any and all drama. I have still caught myself discussing things that really should not be discussed, but I am trying. I don't want to be gossiped about either. Not telling everyone everything is good advice, too.

These people are all so close with one another but they seem really nice, too. Hanging out with other people my own age is really what I need. I also need to stop being paranoid and wondering about all this @#%$.
music
girl99
Re: How do you go from dope friends to real freinds?

This might sound like I'm contradicting myself, but really not.
Over the years I've developed a huge "safety net" of clean and sober friends. I'm probably a little funny that way, because I'm an only child and both parents are deceased. I place an extremely high value on friendship. I will do anything within reason to help a friend who needs me. Sometimes that has come back to haunt me, but overall it's a good thing.
That being said, I'm also learning to be my own best friend. I'm a known "hermit". I actually like being home alone. And silent. Just me and my thoughts. And my dog and cat. Where's the boyfriend? Who knows? I hope he's alive and safe. He should have called.
The point is, though, that I have made myself a good friend, and consequently, I have many.
Be there if they need you, no matter what. And if you've picked good, quality people, they will be there for you. I've said this before and I'll say it again now. The only reason I haven't lost my friends through all this addiction and alcoholism stuff is that THEY WON'T LET ME GO.
You can have the same thing. True friendships take time to cultivate. It's worth your time.
Oh, and good luck with your new job. Sounds like you have some friendships in the making.
I'm rambling again


See also:

How do you build a new life without Meth?

Guidelines for a healthy relationship


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