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Guidelines for a healthy relationship


imlostinky

Guidelines for a healthy relationship


Loraura, I believe it was you some time back had posted something on how to tell if your relationship was a healthy one.
Would you by chance still have it?
I think you had posted it originally for Katie.

     Replies...
NoMore4Me Re: Guidelines for a healthy relationship
Tips for a healthy relationship.

Keep realistic expectations. No one likes to feel that they aren't good enough. It's hard sometimes when we want something from a friend or family member, and they can't or won't give it to us, but it's important to remember that they are just like us in that they need things too. Try not to ask for things (i.e. favors, actual items, actions etc) from someone if you know they can't do it. It adds stress onto their life and can potentially destroy a relationship. Also, trying to change someone into something they're not never really works. People are who they are for a reason, and expecting them to change because you want them to or you think it would be best will only hurt you both.

Communicate! I cannot express to you how much communication is a key part in any relationship. Whether it is a boyfriend/girlfriend, friend, parent, or teacher, talking will improve almost every situation. If you can talk honestly, and take the time to really listen to what the other person has to say, you'd really be surprised how much you'll learn about both of yourselves and how much it can solve problems. However, remember when you listen, really listen, with your heart as well as your ears. Try to understand where they are coming from and hopefully they will do the same for you.

Try and be flexible. In a relationship, it may sometimes be necessary to be a bit uncomfortable for a while for you or the other person. That is normal, and part of a healthy relationship is learning to endure the uncomfortable spots to lend a helping hand. Keep in mind, uncomfortable is a reference to a mental state or space that you need to be in to see or help this other person. To keep it within the guidelines of a healthy relationship, it should NOT be uncomfortable all the time. At the same time, the other person in your relationship should be just as willing to be a little uncomfortable to help or see you're side. You should do things for them and they should for you. Relationships, on all levels, are about give and take.

Try to be dependable. We all know how irritating it is to depend on someone and have them not follow through. To keep trust in any relationship, it is important to be dependable, whether it's in being on time for a date or doing your chores or even just helping your friend study for a test. Just being there for someone can really show them that you care and oftentimes that is what it takes.

If you fight, fight fairly. Most relationships run into a rough spot or two. That's ok; no one can be perfect all the time. If you find yourself in a fight or argumentative position, there are certain things that aren't a good idea. One is attacking someone verbally when they are doing something they don't like. Try and bring up statements with I feel not You are. Blaming someone for something will often make a situation worse, not better. Another bad idea is to assume things about something that may have happened or about how someone is feeling. As my biology teacher used to say Don't assume. It makes an ass out of you and me. Give the other person time to explain what is going on. It may save you both a lot of heartache in the end. Lastly, really try not to hold grudges. All they do is drain you of energy, and they rarely actually fixing anything.

If you need it, ask for help. This can be one of the hardest parts of a relationship. People often feel like asking for help means that they are weak or not good enough, which is not the case. No one can be superman; everyone needs a hand once and a while. Asking for help doesn't make you any less of a person. Often it is harder to ask for help than to go on alone without it. In a relationship, the other person should be there to help you just as much as you are to help them. Don't be afraid to ask, they will probably be more than willing to lend a hand or a shoulder to cry on.

Be willing to admit that you're wrong. One of the biggest problems in any kind of relationship is people's lack of willingness or ability to say they're wrong. If you and you're friend or boyfriend/girlfriend or family member get in a fight and you know you're wrong, go ahead and admit it. It can be really hard, but in the end you'll find it's much better than arguing a point you know is wrong. On that note, don't be afraid to say sorry as well. Apologizing often goes a long way to moving on, especially if you were wrong.

Keep your life balanced. Don't devote your entire life to one person. Just like you shouldn't let one activity take over your life, one person shouldn't become the focus of it either. Make sure to talk to more than just one friend, family member etc. It isn't healthy for you, let alone your relationship with that person, if your life becomes focused around and absorbed by them. If you find your life becoming more and more that one person, try and broaden your horizons by talking to more, different people or joining a team of some sort. Stay active in something.

Try not to Judge.  Judging someone based on their gender, station in life, race, religion etc. will not bring them closer to you. If you want to really get to someone, try to see them as who they are, not as who you think they might be. You'll find that way that you meet a lot more interesting
 
Macystiller01 Re: Guidelines for a healthy relationship
Found it. This is a good guideline. Healthy Relationships Your partner wants you to realize your dreams and will do anything to help achieve them.

They are self-sufficient and complete human beings. If not, then you must neglect part of yourself in some way to compensate for their deficiency.

They take responsibility for their own happiness. It is not your job.

They don't use negative tactics for getting their own way or dominating you. Criticism, put-downs, guilt, shame, intolerance, neglect, combativeness, aggression, and threat; the list goes on. Silence can be a negative tactic, if there is communication that needs to take place, and so can defensiveness.

When they speak to you, it is always with love, acceptance and approval.

They support and respect your ideas, beliefs and wishes no matter how different from their own.

Your self-esteem improves when you are together.

Your circle of friends grows.

They do little things to please you.

When something bothers you, they are truly concerned.

They help resolve problems.

They help you find time for yourself. Without this you will never grow.

They share in responsibilities, even with things that are unpleasant or mundane.

Your time is just as valuable as theirs.

They give you freedom to try new things, take chances and to make mistakes. Human beings are constantly evolving and are not meant to be caged physically, emotionally or psychologically.

In short, they provide the security, love and nurturing that is required for you to soar where life itself is wonderful and the relationships are an added bonus. Because you are willing to do the same for them, the relationship will continue to scale new heights while love, honor and respect grows deeper and broader."
Macystiller01 Re: Guidelines for a healthy relationship
I actually have this on my fridge and sent it to my sister in law. This can apply to other family members other than your partner. I sent it to my sister in law because she has a family member that is not very supportive or loving.
Rescue Re: Guidelines for a healthy relationship
Gonna throw in my two cents. I agree with the first list except for 'fighting', this is based on how fighting seems to come incessantly in the negative manners: arguments, verbal or physical assaults, and vulgarities. Just for me I'd substitute communication, period.

This does not mean a couple or friends see eye to eye and are duplicates or robots. Disagreement should be done without causing harm to the other person, or if harm is caused, it is very minimal and apologized for sincerely and not repeated in future communication.

I've recently recognized I speak before thinking about my tone, mind-set, body stance, and the receptiveness of the person I'm wanting to speak to. It became a tendency being a truck driver and being alone on the road along with the vulgarities truck drivers can be known for. I'm becoming aware of all the effects of verbal and non-verbal communication and concentrating on bettering my abilities in this area. I will not let my head rest for sleep if I have held anger in me towards someone without examining that anger, understanding it's cause, and if I have expressed it, making an apology sincerely before allowing my own rest. This is my only deviance from the first list and I own it.

I'll read and think about the second list when I have more time and, if anyone cares to know my opinion.

See also:

Do loved ones ever learn to love again?

Relationships and Meth

How do you go from dope friends to real friends?

Boyfriend meth addicted: How do I save our relationship?

Cheating / infidelity....how can you forget?


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