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New meth user tried meth, attempting to go clean


eonxblue "New" meth user attempting to go clean...
Hey everyone,
For awhile now I've been looking online for a place to talk about what's recently taken a detrimental hold on my life, and I think I've found a place.

I first tried meth just over a month ago. Initially I thought that I knew why I wanted to give it a try, part of the whole "experimenting" mentality I suppose.
I had done some research prior to trying it, and despite the abundance of warnings regarding its horrific addictive quality, I remained adamant. I was into painkillers for awhile and have never experienced a craving for those like a have for meth...I thought for sure I could try it for those few days in Vegas and come away clean afterwards.
Wrong.
Needless to say, I've been doing it at least a few times a week for the past month. I know it doesn't sound like much in comparison to some of the stories I've read, but nonetheless I'm terrified that I'm losing control.
So last week I decided no more. I can already feel changes in my train of thought and the idea of that ever becoming permanent TERRIFIES me to no end. My best friend had also been using and we both decided enough was enough...the benefits to the drug come absolutely nowhere near justifying using it.
But as of today, 4 days after deciding "no more", I gave into the craving.
I find myself constantly arguing with my conscience...simultaneously torn between knowing what's going to quickly destroy me yet wanting so badly to feel "alive" like I do while high. Nothing compares to that rush, and that's what's been scaring me. I don't feel as if I've dug myself into some of the deepest of holes that others have found themselves in, and in no way do I mean to belittle anyone else's' experiences, but I'm deathly afraid that I've bought myself a one-way ticket to what could very well turn out to be a point of no return.

My research since using has intensified greatly, and I attribute my willingness to sacrifice this drug largely due to the amount of (legitimate) info that I've been able to access, such as from places like this. For that I'm am VERY grateful, because without being as aware of all the horrific qualities of meth as I've become lately, I'd probably be in a much worse state right now.

However, given my lack of timely experience with meth, I feel somewhat unable to contribute much to those who are in a worse state than I. However I want to be around to lend an ear and offer support where I can, as well as to be heard when (not if) that craving comes calling again.
I've realized all too well in this past month that my potential, motivation, and well-being have all been greatly compromised and I have every intention of keeping that from happening. This is truly an evil substance, as I've quickly come to learn.

On the bright side, I was planning on using the rest of what I bought today this Saturday, but ended up flushing it down the toilet an hour ago. I've been wanting to do it ever since I picked it up today...it's amazing how many flat out stupid excuses one can find to justify holding on to something so dangerous, yet I did and have been. Until tonight. Hopefully it stays that way.

I want out of this before it really gets too late.
     Replies...
recovering
freak
Re: "New" meth user attempting to go clean...
Welcome to the board. I'm a recovering addict, spent 11 years on meth, it almost took away everything from me. In fact it took away my sanity for 11 years.

All I can say to you like many others  is to stop immediately! It's a bottomless pit like you said. Most of the meth addicts lose everything, their job, their family, their life.

It leads you to nowhere but misery, just a matter of time. The urge to feel "alive" is what it takes to ruin your entire life. I'm glad you flushed the remainings away.

Stick around, great peeps on this board. Tons of support coming your way. Stay strong.

172 days clean 
Loraura Re: "New" meth user attempting to go clean..
I'm so glad you are here. It shows just how intelligent you are that you recognize so early on in your history with meth just how addictive it is, and how you will need help and support to fight this fight.

Here is some information about what meth does inside your brain, in "regular joe" terms, which might help you fight the battle of using, armed with a bit more knowledge.

Meth and Brain Chemistry

Cravings are not something that will-power alone can always get your though. At the bottom of the page I linked above, there is another link about Triggers. You might find that helpful as well.
Penel0pe Re: "New" meth user attempting to go clean..
Quote:
Needless to say, I've been doing it at least a few times a week for the past month. I know it doesn't sound like much in comparison to some of the stories I've read, but nonetheless I'm terrified that I'm losing control.

We ALL started out this way, most of us were not bright enough to see what we were doing this early in the game!

What you've written tells me that you are on your way towards the nightmare of meth addiction, and I am VERY glad you found us now!

Quote:
However, given my lack of timely experience with meth, I feel somewhat unable to contribute much to those who are in a worse state than I.

You can do every one of us a survive by QUITTING, and letting us know how you're doing with that. In that way, the next time a newcomer comes along thinking he or she can't quit using, you can join the rest of us and say out loud...

Yes, you CAN stop using - I did it!!!

Glad you found us - we are here for you - welcome to the board!!!!

no more
mething
around
Re: "New" meth user attempting to go clean..
Hi and welcome!
Run.........don't look back !
Trust us, it isn't worth it.
No one stays a casual user for long.
You can't. It will call your name 24 hours a day 7 days a week forever.
That's one of the rules of the game.

Hope you stick around and stay away from it, then you can tell people how you tried it and decided to pass.

Help us to become part of the solutions and not the problem.
eonxblue Re: "New" meth user attempting to go clean..
Thanks for the kind words and support everyone

Knowing the risks is one thing, because it becomes easy to ignore them or believe that they don't pertain to you. At least that's how I make sense of giving into this drug so many times knowing full well what it was doing to me.
However, I'm finding that having people to communicate with who have been there and back is just as, if not more, helpful. It's like a reality slap across the face telling me that I'm not invincible and that this has/is happening to real people.
So again, I thank you for the support.

And thanks for the link Loraura, that site offered valuable information with much more clarity than I've seen in others. My biggest reason for wanting to kick this drug has been my fear of doing irreversible brain damage, or "self-inflicted mental illness", as that site called it. For the few days after I would use meth I would always feel mentally slow and detached...the idea of that becoming permanent is a horrific nightmare for me.
Not to mention I'm getting ready to leave home for a new school (Brooks Institute of Photography) in less than 2 months to pursue a career in that field. I cannot imagine feeling this mentally and physically drained while trying to attend...I often wonder what the hell I was thinking when I got into this. 

But the past is the past right? Live, learn, and move forward. I've utilized this mentality successfully (for the most part) in the past while growing up, but meth has presented a whole meaning for the word 'difficult'.

Not to mention that the 'triggers' are all around me. Especially at work, considering that was my favorite place to be high at. Made a 9 hour shift go by like that, and a lot more enjoyable too (while the high lasted, of course.)

Fortunately like I said, I'll be moving in just over a month so hopefully that will take care of that.

I don't want to start rambling on again, but thank you all once more for this site and your support. I know it's only been one day since I 'officially' decided that it was indeed time to quit, but for what it's worth I'm feeling awfully motivated to follow through. Arming myself with information has proven to be the best defense, so I'll keep at it.
nineyears
clean
Re: "New" meth user attempting to go clean..
Quote:
but I'm deathly afraid that I've bought myself a one-way ticket to what could very well turn out to be a point of no return.
Yes, be afraid. BE VERY AFRAID. Before you know it, it has you, and it doesn't let go. You have to pry yourself away in order to break free from it's death grip.

Quote:


I'm finding that having people to communicate with who have been there and back is just as, if not more, helpful. It's like a reality slap across the face telling me that I'm not invincible and that this has/is happening to real people.
Yes, I found the experiences of those I met who had kicked meth and gone on to long term recovery to be invaluable in the early months/years of my recovery. Truly invaluable.

I'm going to post a couple of links for you to read, if you like. Welcome to the forum. Welcome to your new family. Welcome to the rest of your life, free from the chains of meth.

My name is Lori and I was addicted to meth for 13 long years; I've been clean a little over 10 years, and I just turned 50 years old. I used meth until death seemed imminent. Meth addiction is no joke. Meth kills.

love and prayers, if you pray, for the addict who still suffers.

Okay, I couldn't find the original post of the following, so I couldn't link it. Here it is in print. I wrote it for you.

To the addict who still suffers:

If you've come to this site, you've come to the right place, because you're obviously questioning your current lifestyle, and are curious if there are others just like you.

Well, you've found us! Welcome. Please come in from the rain, if only for just awhile. You are safe here. You are amongst friends. All we ask is that you treat everyone with respect, as we will strive to always treat you.

We are addicts, recovering addicts, loved ones and family members of addicts, and we welcome you with open arms and open hearts.

I know that when I was active in my 13 year meth addiction, I didn't know there were other people like me out there. I was terminally unique, and the only thing that could "cure" my condition was more meth. I didn't know there was a better way to live, and that there were people out there just like me who had kicked meth and gone on to have that better way of life.

I didn't know much about the drug, meth, that had such a hold on me. I didn't know why I used, and I didn't know why I couldn't stop. I didn't know how to stop. Not until I landed in the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous, where I found people like me, and I needed them. I needed to be around people like me, and there were only two places I could do that: out there still using with my tweaker buddies, or in the rooms of NA with my ex-tweaker buddies.

This forum is rich with experience and wisdom and knowledge and love and support and acceptance. It is a place where you are safe from judgment; a place where you can begin to forgive yourself, and by accomplishing that, you can begin to heal from your addiction.

From the bottom of my heart, welcome. I want you to know that WE DO RECOVER.
Imget
inrite
Re: "New" meth user attempting to go clean..
Quote:
but ended up flushing it down the toilet an hour ago
Excellent decision my friend.

My name is Kevin. I am a addict clean from meth for 28 months. I started just like you. A few times a week.

Then, 4 years later, I had lost everything. In jail, and contracted hep c.
Somewhere in the couple times a week, I got addicted. I never saw it coming, nor, did I see it happening.

When meth sets its hooks into you...you are a slave to the addiction.

I am glad to see you here. You have made the right choice and I welcome you.
ROSE
NINA
Re: "New" meth user attempting to go clean..
Quote:
I want out of this before it really gets too late.
 
That's the first step to recovery.

See also:

What made you decide to quit?

I'm trying to quit Crystal Meth, but I need some help bad!

Can you quit meth on your own?

Can I stop meth on my own?

Tried Meth 2 weeks ago, I am hooked

Why is it so hard to quit Meth?



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