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Poem - Dope game

wanabclean Dope Game
Dope Game

The want consumes me,
this isn't who I want to be.
This addiction controls my reality,
What happen to my spirituality?

I don't remember who I am,
All I feel is the need to use again.
I wish you all would go away,
so I could tweak in peace all day.

I used to love this time of year,
but now it sets my triggers into high gear.
I hate the snow and the rain,
It reminds me of all the self inflicted pain.

My fingers run at a rapid pace,
my mind can't stand it in this place.
I feel as though my bodies screaming,
Man I hate feigning.

I feel as though I should just let go,
Just let it take over my body and soul.
Then I remember all I lost,
and I know it's not worth the cost.

I hate feeling this depression,
my pain has become my obsession.
I need to find a way to relieve this aggression,
This addiction has become a possession.

Do I live full of hate and pain,
Or do I succumb to this drug fame?
Either way my life has become a hell hole of shame,
Controlled by this thing they call the dope game.

I just wrote this just now. I don't know but i have been super depressed I think it's just because this is the time of year my life really started falling apart. Don't know just wanted to share. 
DSALO1 Re: Dope Game
Dear wanbclean,
This poem deserves a standing ovation!
JustRonda Re: Dope Game
Absolutely fantastic poem!! 'am standing and clapping', can I send it to the hubby?
danimal55 Re: Dope Game
Nicely done 
And a good reminder of the truth about meth.
The beauty of it is...you only have to go thru this ONCE.
You can and *will* control your reality and spirituality.
You *will* remember who you are...and you *won't* feel a need to use.

And we *won't* go away.
Tip > "tweak" and "peace" don't belong in the same sentence 

DO remember > "Feelings aren't facts" [sfj]
The hate, pain and shame will pass. Guaranteed!
Just don't use.
The only thing harder than quitting...is continuing to use.

A hell hole of shame is meth's ultimate reward, and the game never ends when your whole world depends....on that next hit.
Tis the season of renewal, *your* renewal.
And remember how we used to frolic and play in the snow...snow is cool!
You're getting thru the worst of it wannab, and trust me the only way out is thru it.

You're off to a great start!
Keep writing!, and work in some of your hopes and dreams while you're at it...they're on the threshold of coming true.

Stay the course.
luvepiphany Re: Dope Game
wanabeclean, I posted your poem without your name on the family support site. I hope it is ok. Your poem says the things that so many an addict has felt. Sharing those thoughts, feelings, pain, is healing for you and for all of us reading. So important to take away the secret shrouds over hurting hearts-let the light in because light heals.
So many loved ones of addicts get caught up in helplessness not knowing what the addict feels or thinks. They don't mean to, I know, but they can often put more pain, punishment and judgment on top of an addicts mountain of misery. I, today, am going to remember your poem in my mind, my heart and my mouth and give out loving compassion and understanding.

Thanks, luvin understanding
wanabclean Re: Dope Game
Ronda~ Of course you can send it to your hubby! I love that you keep wanting to share with him that others feel as he does.

Luv~ You can even put your name on it if ya want. I was a loved one at one point (still am but I understand more so I deal better) and I think they need everything they can to try and understand and deal themselves.

Broken~ Thank you for the support. I am reminded everyday of what I have found here. I know I am pushing through the hardest part but that's just it it's hard! But i
ll do it and heck if your offering I will most definitely lean on all of you I have learned that is what this place is for.

Danimal~ Tweak and peace don't belong in the same sentence...I know but damnit that's what I wanted last night. I was done hearing the you can do this I wanted it to be quite and I wanted to get high. But it passed and I know I can do it! And I think I just may take my baby cousins sledding today. I can't let my favorite time of year become my worst just because of the devil.  
chrisgonz Re: Dope Game
lady, that was a good poem...
you have some talent there!!

Like dan said... the game can end for you.
It's up to you to live the life you want.


Much peace,

For today... don't use.

See also:

The Cat in the Sack meth poem

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