KCI The Anti_Meth Site

Relapse vs. conscious choice

UCL Angel	relapse vs. choice... I was thinking of what some guy said the other day in a CMA meeting, about how relapse isn't really a "relapse". The guy said this: "A relapse is like when you have a cold or germ in your body and regardless of how you take care of yourself, the germ comes back and so you get sick again". Starting to use again is not a relapse, it's a choice, it's a "conscious choice to pick up and use. It starts with a series of choices not to take care of ourselves, not to let others in, not to participate in our Recovery, and then, the final choice, is to get drugs and use them." So I thought that was interesting to hear. It makes sense. I don't care what term you call it, relapse, whatever, but I do like the "conscious choice" theory thing. And its so easy to see in others when it starts to happen, it makes me want to watch out for it in myself so it doesn't happen to me. Because like, they have the choice to do recovery stuff and they choose not to, so that's like they're really saying, "Nah, no meetings for me, thanks. I'm preparing myself for using drugs again." Isn't that as stupid as saying, "Nah, no oxygen for me, thanks. I can breathe underwater."...??? It seems like it, but, people do it every day, and expect it not to kill them. Just my two cents.
Replies...
Loraura	Re: relapse vs. choice... *Quote:* Starting to use again is not a relapse, it's a choice, it's a "conscious choice to pick up and use. Sometimes, yes. But sometimes it is a compulsion. com·pul·sion Pronunciation (km-plshn) n. 1. a. The act of compelling. b. The state of being compelled. 2. a. An irresistible impulse to act, regardless of the rationality of the motivation: "The compulsion to protect the powerful from the discomfort of public disclosure feeds further abuse and neglect" Boston Globe. b. An act or acts performed in response to such an impulse.
danimal 55	Re: relapse vs. choice... IMO relapse is a choice... rooted in an obsession to use. A compelling obsession by any measure. obsession; a persistent disturbing preoccupation with an idea or feeling - an emotion or idea causing such a preoccupation. Regardless of how we define it, the return to meth use is a death wish...conscious or not. No need to debate the definition of DEAD.
UCL Angel	Re: relapse vs. choice... Hi guys,... I really don't want to argue semantics with anyone. I do enough of that with the addict in my life. It's exhausting. I understand obsessions and compulsions, because I'm a Recovering addict. All I really meant by the post to begin with, IMHO, is,...at some point, even with obsessions and compulsions in full gear, I think it still comes down to CHOICE........ ...right before a relapse has the chance to happen, let's say you pick up the phone, and, at that moment, either you choose to call the dealer, or you choose to call your sponsor. If you want to stay sober bad enough, you choose to call your sponsor, and say "come tie me to a chair so I can't use" if that's what it takes. But if you don't want to stay sober, you call your dealer instead, score speed, and choose to use. That's my opinion.
Spase monkey	Re: relapse vs. choice... I have to agree that it's a choice. We give our addiction power when we say that the compulsion is impossible to resist. If it was not my choice that governed whether I use or not then I would still be using. I choose to be clean. Relapse is still an accurate term for it I think because the choice to use usually follows a breakdown in our recovery, a change to old behaviors and putting distance between us and the people who are in our lives who care and are clean. When I say relapse is a choice I don't mean to trivialize the amount of pull that addiction can assert on you. I know how hard it is some days but bad as it gets you're still the one in charge of where your hands go. In fact... I wrote this long thing about addiction and how it's a choice. Maybe I'll repost it... it's been awhile.
danimal 55	Re: relapse vs. choice... Not using is certainly a choice...right? If so, using must be a choice, a diametrically opposed choice, but still a choice. Choose one... A. Relapse B. Don't relapse It's late and I'm tired, but I see no other choices.
forget suzette	Re: relapse vs. choice... I t least realize, I'm chipping away at myself every single time I use......I feel less and less good....with or without. there were times it wasn't a choice for me. .....it was compulsion. now it's a choice. I'd feel more like a chump, than happy if I did it.
eyes open83	Re: relapse vs. choice... *Quote:* Starting to use again is not a relapse, it's a choice, it's a "conscious choice to pick up and use amen...i have expressed this point many times my self...
Penel0pe	Re: relapse vs. choice... When I was drowning in active addiction, using drugs was a way of life - I didn't know how to choose not to use. Now that I have that part figured out, I realize it has always been a choice... a choice driven by obsession, lifestyle, habit, and a choice based upon being unable to "function" without drugs. When I would hear about people who went out on a Friday night, had a great time, and there were no drugs involved... it made no sense to me. In active addiction, there was no "Fun" without drugs. There was no point in even trying. Had to have drugs to do anything, go anywhere, clean the house, make it to work, etc etc etc... Today I choose to stay clean, one day at a time. The obsession to use has left the building for today - but I know who I am. "Relapse" is planned... for me to get high today, I would have to really think about it and make the decision - the choice - to go out and use some dope. We see it here on the board often - people with some clean time who make the choice to go out and use again... it happens over hours or days or weeks - but ultimately, people have to CHOOSE relapse over being clean...