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Trigger Management Resources

kmb2006 Trigger management resources
I need to find some resources for learning about trigger management.

This is for me, not for my addict. Al-Anon and Nar-Anon don't really address the idea that loved one's have triggers, too. There are people, places, and things that conjure really bad memories and feelings. Sometimes it takes every ounce of strength not to act on those feelings.

I'm having a really hard time with triggers today. I just threw away most of my silverware (long story as to why it's a major trigger). I've already trashed a lot of things that are now "tainted" and this is getting ridiculous. I shouldn't have to throw stuff out just because looking at it makes me mad. I should figure out how to look at it without getting mad.

Can anyone point me to some resources about retraining neuropathways and managing triggers (especially when avoiding the trigger is impossible)? Maybe a workbook of some kind? Any helpful tips from personal experience?

Thanks in advance.
Re: Trigger management resources
I know exactly what you mean. My first helpful tip would be to keep coming here, and I go to the chat room a lot in the evening and vent there-everyone will listen and encourage and help you if your having a bad day. The best helpers are the ones recovering, they talk to me and explain and that really helps. I can have a super day one day and think Okay! I'm doing better, and then the next day just totally sucks. Also, my husband and I are writing A LOT back and forth, so sometimes I vent to him-but always tell him afterwards I love you and forgive you. I have trashed some things too around my house because of that-crazy I feel it is just going to take some time, time heals and all things shall pass. I have also opened up to a few special people near and dear to me (after 3 1/2 years of suffering in silence and keeping everything to myself) and that was really hard because you are so ashamed to tell anyone that your loved one is doing this. But, I have realized that no one is perfect, people have problems, people have addictions, and it is nothing to be ashamed of. But, some days you start thinking about all the shyt you had to put up with and it just overwhelms you. I myself am also strongly thinking about some counseling for myself, no decision yet, but it has been suggested to me here over and over, so probably not a bad idea. You can message me or others in your shoes, and that may be helpful for you also Don't worry, what you are going through is normal, although it DOESN'T feel that way does it? Hang in there
vctry7 Re: Trigger management resources
I wish I had some answers for you, but I don't. I just want you to know that I know how you feel.

I nailed our bedroom door shut for over a year. That is where most the bad memories happened. I eventually opened the room and started going through things. I threw almost everything away. We use this room now as an office. It just took a lot of time to be able to get comfortable here.
Re: Trigger management resources
I know that this is going to sound funny but what they heck. A lot of times there are so many things in our lives that they take the focus off of what we really need to be focusing on. Like getting on with living in the day we are in instead of yesterday. 

My only question to you is, are you feeling any better freeing up your space from the reminders of what used to be? I hope that you are. I'm not real big on things any how so this may be different for you then it is for me.

The things that are tainted, why keep them? In a sense, you guys are starting a new life together right?

As far as the triggers go, sometimes you have to just step back and look at how things are today. Not how they were yesterday, last week, or last year. When we spend all our time looking into the past, we miss today.

I am sorry that you are having such a bad day. I hope it gets better.
Loraura Re: Trigger management resources
Al-Anon and Nar-Anon don't really address the idea that loved one's have triggers, too.

You worked the 12 steps with a sponsor and it didn't address your resentment?

Sfj Re: Trigger management resources
Have you read this book?

Codependent No More: Beyond Codependency

Re: Trigger management resources
Let's talk about avoiding triggers...
My world was filled with them not to long ago. EVERY time I turned around I was running into one.

I ended up throwing out pictures and getting rid of the things that he gave me at one time or another (there weren't too many of those things... lol).

That was the material trigger issue. Then there were the mental and emotional triggers.

I avoided the mental triggers at first. Until I was mentally ready to face them and confront them. I eventually did. In my case I discovered that these trigger moments of memories ended up not involving him. They were just memories of myself and the kids.

Emotional triggers? In my case the bad outweighed the good. I had more painful emotional memories than pleasant ones. I accepted the pain and dealt with it. I cried over the betrayal and the abuse that I endured. I allowed myself time to mourn and then I moved on.

This is the Reader's Digest version. In truth it took a lot more than just doing these things. I attended Al Anon meetings and talked with my sponsor... a lot.

I surrendered. I figured that I had to do something or my life was going to be filled with misery.

Now when I come across the occasional trigger, I am able to roll my eyes and shake my head. I view these triggers like I would view something pathetic.

You will eventually get to this point when you work on your own recovery. You won't realize it at first but it will happen.
kmb2006 Re: Trigger management resources
Thanks for the advice. Solid, as usual, and I'm glad I'm not alone in this.

I'm early in my recovery from co-dependency, especially since I was born co-dependent (mom was a alkie). Studying the literature (inc. Co-Dependent No More and the Language of Letting Go), attending meetings and working the steps (but without a sponsor - the Al-Anon group I attend doesn't seem to have "regular" attendees - I need to find a bigger group), seeing a counselor - the whole shebang. It's a process. Lots to chug through.

Anyway, I basically ended up having a total co-dependent "relapse" today. Spent the entire day just stewing in my own juices - getting myself all worked up over nothing - NOTHING. I hate when I can't turn the thoughts off. Grr. I ended up giving myself a helluva mental beating.

I don't know why I felt like this on this particular day, but I'm thinking on it. Hubby went to hang out with his best friend (who happens to be an abstaining pothead) and another really old friend (another abstaining pothead/alcoholic) for the day, so thankfully he wasn't here to see/hear the worst of it, though the first thing I said when he came home was, "Did you smoke weed?" Of course, his response was a sarcastic, "Thanks for having so much faith in me... It's starting all over again. I don't want to be here." And for the first time, he took an off-schedule Klonopin. But I really do believe that he did NOT smoke pot and I'm darn sure that these two would not let him risk his sobriety - his best friend took him to rehab.

I had, of course, spent the day convincing myself that I am the worst thing for him, that it's true that he really did use drugs to escape me just like he said, that his g/f offered so much more than I ever could even as a meth addict so what does that say about me, look at me - I'm a bowling ball with legs, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And his response was enough to confirm my own thoughts about myself. Yep, I make him need to use.

But there was no conversation beyond the initial question and response.

Anyway, he and the kids are all sleeping, and I'm back to the drawing board. Sh*t happens and tomorrow is a new day.
Re: Trigger management resources
When we spend all our time looking into the past, we miss today.

I am sorry that you are having such a bad day. I hope it gets better.

love, Rachel

Thank you so much for saying something healing for me!

Past is just that, past-history-done. Today is my gift.

Thankfully, *things* don't get tainted since I let much baggage go with an older woman in EA today who had divorce issues (which until now I thought were gone but something did resurface. She set me straight.) I had to give it up to God.

I'm going to put a sticky note here and there:
Today is my gift! Let go and Let God.
RIP Re: Trigger management resources
I found these 2 books useful,
"Love is a choice"
Recovery From Co-dependant relation ships

Minirth Mieir clinic

Love and Addiction By Stanton Peele

See also:

Recovery and Treatment of Crystal Meth / Methamphetamine

Getting off meth; the shame, the hurt, guilt

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