KCI The Anti_Meth Site

What hope is there for my meth addicted son?

sdm sanjose	What hope is there for my meth addicted son? My son has been using illegal drugs since age 13, he is now 25. He lost everything and has absolutely nothing, has not worked in 3 years. He lives from couch to couch and comes home and lives in my metal shed in the back yard from time to time. His drug of choice for the last few years has been Meth and he has tried to stop on his own and has lost every time. He seems completely helpless to change even though he wants to. Almost everyone I talk to says that I can do nothing but pray, he has to want to get clean. I know he has wanted to get clean and my wife and I have prayed many times in the last several years. My only hope was that God intervenes but there are some who say that God is not going to get your son clean. There was a post on the Substance Abuse forum that said: *Quote:* Post by Westoff: (not at KCI forum) “I am an crystal meth survivor. I lived through that nightmare for two years, but I was stronger than the drug. I became addicted when my girlfriend's sister, a devout Christian, got her hooked on the drug by giving her large amounts for free. I tried my best to help my girlfriend, but in the end I only got hooked myself. Her sister began selling to us and all of our friends to support her own addiction, but she made a lot of money and was dealing with extremely dangerous people. I was in a cycle and I couldn't get out. After my girlfriend's sister got arrested and had to give up legal custody of her only son, we both gave up the drugs got clean. I am sorry to tell you, but God alone will not help your husband and neither will you. In fact, both you and God will push him further toward the drugs. The truth is crystal meth COMPLETELY changes your mental and physiological state of being. The only thing that will save your husband is to check into a rehab facility for an extended duration, coupled with intensive psychotherapy. He will need to drastically change his surroundings to get away from the people selling him the drugs. Moving often is necessary for hardcore addicts. Doing manual labor will help him immensely because both his mind and body are extremely weak. Unfortunately, jail time may also be necessary for longtime users” *Quote:* sdmsanjose post a few days ago asked the question: (not at KCI) I was discussing God’s intervention with a friend of mine that is now over 2 years clean. I told her that I was praying for God to intervene in my son’s life and help him recover from meth. She said God will not intervene but will help him if HE CHOOSES to follow God’s ways. I thought she was way off on that one but now I am wondering. Does God take the position, I am not going to make it easy for you, you know my ways, it is up to you to take action then I will help you? Quote from NA book “It works How and Why” Our Higher Power will take care of our spiritual needs, but we need to participate in our own lives; we can’t simply sit back and expect God to do everything. We are responsible for our recovery” Step 3, page 31 If my son is powerless over his addiction, I can do nothing to stop his addiction, and God has done His part by offering the right way but is not going to intervene, what hope is there? Do any of you have any comments about the posts that I quoted above and my questions?
Replies...
imlost inky	Re: What hope is there for my meth addicted son? Stan, while not a Christian, I do firmly believe in a God , Higher Power. I have seen enough in my life to know this force works in many ways. I have experienced enough to know that He/She/whomever works best when I quit stepping in, when I pray with all my might Let your will be done and I let go. Now do I believe God alone can save? yes I do. Because I believe that there are many angels of God working his/her plan. The doctor at the rehab, the person on the keyboard, the stranger on the street, the cop with the badge- all play a role, a vital role in God's plan. Is there hope for your son? Yes- where there is breath, there is always hope. When will that hope come? Who is to say it hasn't- that it isn't already working? Does meth alter our perception? Without a doubt. But here on this board are many hard core meth users that many had given up on - yet look what happened when people got out of the way and prayed Let God's will be done- and let go. Your son is not in your hands Stan- that hurts but it is the truth. I don't know what is in store for him. But I do know it ends when he puts down that shovel and quits digging. You have a mighty stubborn son there Stan- he holds on tight. The day will come when he will hold onto his recovery just as tight. Never give up- there is always hope. We do recover. Much love to you and Josh, Stan. I pray God's will be done and that for once may it match mine- let your son put down his shovel now. It is so hard watching him dig. God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I can not change - even when I love my son so much I can't breathe. God grant me the courage to change the things I can- Letting go of that wheel and allowing You to steer. and the wisdom to know the difference- and to know I am never alone.
Sfj	Re: What hope is there for my meth addicted son? There's plenty of hope. Those who use words like I read above are just plain ignorant and uniformed.
Gramto two	Re: What hope is there for my meth addicted son? Oh Stan, I am so sorry for you. I can feel the pain in your heart.......you know my opinions and feelings on hope. If you want to talk more, send me an ezboard message, ok? I do believe in a higher power, but cannot bear seeing loving, caring, good parents like you and your wife are, being hurt and hung out by this god-awful drug...remember my thoughts....there is hope, but that hope is for you and the rest is up to your son, you cannot help no matter how much you wish and want. You will be in my prayers, Stan
dells	Re: What hope is there for my meth addicted son? Stan, I only know how God intervened with my daughter and myself. My daughter used for almost seven years, was living in a car & from couch to couch, did not work in almost 4 years, lost custody of her baby daughter. I thought I had let go & let God, but lapsed from time to time. Finally, I really did let go....three days later my daughter called me for help! We found a clean & sober home for her, she was in church that first week! She gives praise to God every day for her recovery. She is now 15 months clean, back with her family, her little girl, very active in NA.
TerryCa	Re: What hope is there for my meth addicted son? Stan I got to give my burden daily to my higher power. *Quote:* both you and God will push him further toward the drugs. Rubbish IMO. Your son needs to give his heart to his higher power and ask him to help him out of the ditch. *Quote:* it is up to you to take action then I will help you? I don't think that God alone is going to fix him. He's got to want help. He needs to ask and he shall probably receive it. We all have free will, Your son and my daughter. They hold the get of jail free card. But, sometimes the obvious right before their eyes goes unnoticed. The days and years seem so long when we are waiting for "the cure." Bless your heart and your wife's for being there for your son, not writing him off, hoping, praying and loving him despite the hurt he brings you
sdm sanjose	Re: What hope is there for my meth addicted son? *Quote:* SFJ’s quote There's plenty of hope. Those who use words like I read above are just plain ignorant and uniformed. Thank you SFJ for those words of encouragement. You have a ton of experience that I do not have and what you say is valuable. Please elaborate on your statements above. This is NOT a challenge, this is asking for more hope from you. I am about to give up.
Sfj	Re: What hope is there for my meth addicted son? First of all, consider the following: “I am sorry to tell you, but God alone will not help your husband and neither will you. In fact, both you and God will push him further toward the drugs.” How preposterous? God is not going to push anyone toward drugs. I find it totally ludicrous than anyone could even suggest such a thing. Next, your son will probably quit using meth. I don’t know when. But almost all users get sick and tired of it. The novelty wears off much quicker than you might think. After that, drug addiction is brutal and taxing on the body, soul, mind and spirit. The phrase, “Let go and let God” is good for those of us who have a willingness to be led by faith. For the rest, there is an equal maxim. “Let fate run it’s course.” I’m working at a regular schedule now as a substance abuse counselor intern at the Haight Ashbury Free Clinics and I see many meth users. That with over five years in recovery and three solid years in the rooms of CMA have given me plenty of hope for recovery for those caught in meth addiction. Yes, they do quit, and they do recover, and the rate is much higher than is often published.
chris gonz	Re: What hope is there for my meth addicted son? If he wants to get clean Stan, why doesn't he check into a rehab??? I've never seen a post regarding him entering treatment... not meetings, but an inpatient facility?
Tender heartsKS	Re: What hope is there for my meth addicted son? Stan, here I sit with over 16 years clean time now. What more hope do you need? God did NOT push me further into addiction. I pushed myself further into addiction. Have you ever read the poem 'Footprints'? God carried me when I could not carry myself. That post you pasted from the other forum is a load of crap, as SFJ pretty much already stated. It wasn't until I completely surrendered (and it sure wasn't to a God I understood at the time) that miracles truly happened in my life. My daughter is now almost 29 years old, living in a garage with no utilities after getting out of jail again. As others have said, as long as there is breath, there is hope.
Guene	Re: What hope is there for my meth addicted son? Dear Stan, It breaks my heart to see and read your pain, I know how you feel so much. I have to let god do his work and pray that he will show our kids the way. I know it hurts, and you know I'm always here for you, your my Stan the man and my Huckleberry, Love and Hugs
Penel0pe	If you don't like 12 step, don't read this. *Quote:* If my son is powerless over his addiction, I can do nothing to stop his addiction, and God has done His part by offering the right way but is not going to intervene, what hope is there? Being "Powerless over addiction" essentially means that when we are using, we have no control over drugs - the drugs are controlling us. Admitting my powerlessness over addiction helped me to realize that, if I wanted to regain some power over my life, my decisions, and my future, I HAD to stop using. I might be powerless over addiction, but GOD is not. By turning my will and my life over to the God of my understanding, I (In time) was guided away from drugs... and was able to stop using. God is there, waiting to help... but God has also given us FREE WILL - it is up to us to follow our own will, or the will of the God of our understanding - our "Higher Power."
vctry7	Re: If you don't like 12 step, don't read this. Stan, I only have a minute and not enough time to read all the replies, but.... Neither my husband or myself went to rehab. The only thing that saved us was God. I know there are others who are not Christians and don't agree with that, but it is my experience. My husband used drugs for over 20 years, 7 on meth. One of my SIL and her husband used for the same amount of time. They have been clean for 8 years. They didn't go to rehab, instead became devote Christians. He is now a preacher. IMO, Christianity was our rehab. If inpatient rehab helps, then that is great. I wish I would've went, maybe things would've been easier. Just my two cents.
sierra Nights2	Re: What hope is there for my meth addicted son? Stan, I want to talk to you. I don't really have the time right now to say what I want to say. Know that I do feel what you are saying. I'm telling you this one thing, don't ever, ever give up. As far as God, darling, he can do it all. It's just his time is not always our time. I'll be back as soon as I can. Probably sometime tomorrow. Thinking' of you and saying' prayers.
mtgl 7771	Re: What hope is there for my meth addicted son? I wanted to write to you in private because unfortunately there are many times all of us start "arguing" back and forth and that upsets me. I am a wife of an addict. He started using meth/crack in February. I am very spiritual and a devout catholic. So I constantly prayed that God would intervene. My husband was raised Christian but had failed to go to church for years. I did all I could for him till I finally had to ask him to leave (forcibly). We have 2 teenagers and I was no longer going to allow him to use in front of them. He was going downhill fast and I knew he was going to kill himself soon. I figured he would either die on the streets or here at home and I did not want my kids to have to witness that. 5 days later he came home, (out of money, no car etc) and asked for help. Even though that was the reason he was asking he still did. We tried to find one that night but couldn't. I drove him back to a hotel. He knew there was no where else to go. The next day he agreed to go to a hospital for detox and then to a rehab. Driving 3 hrs to the rehab was not pleasant it was obvious he was still needing some detox, very angry. He will have completed 30 days on Oct. 10th. While I do believe that you have to want it and the addict has to accept God I also believe with our prayers God is right there waiting. He will not do it for us but he is listening to our prayers. After 5 days at rehab I got a call from my husband crying very remorseful. I figured it was the depression and being off drugs that was making him like that. However, in speaking with him daily I do now believe that what he told me was true. He said he was so down he thought he lost everything his marriage, family, home etc. He went off by himself and prayed to God to take the addiction away from him that he could not handle it anymore. He said that as soon as he said that he felt a peace like he has never felt before. Although he started the above in Feb. He was always using something to ease his pain (emotional as well as physical) He abused alcohol, loratabs, pain patches, sleeping pills, etc. He is finally free. He needed this rehab I have no doubt to help him with tools he will need when he gets out. My husband has seen tons of people go in and out of that rehab and very few will make it. Why? Because they didn't do the one thing that is required to accept your powerless and give it to your higher power. (God) But I have no doubt that if someone doesn't ask God for help and literally rededicate their lives to God then no, nothing will change. God will not take away our free will. As long as people are supplying him with money, or places to stay or food, then your son will keep using. God didn't do what he did to my husband for me, he did it because my husband humbled himself enough to ask help himself. Do not ever stop praying. We don't ever understand why things happen the way they do but God knows why. It is very hard I know, I almost lost faith, "God must not be listening" I would say. I should have known better. He wants nothing more than to have each of us as His own. Keep talking to your son, keep praying, just don't enable him. God bless and I hope you find peace.
Kathy as cmom	Re: What hope is there for my meth addicted son? Stan, What a rough ride this has been for both of us. The one GOOD thing that has come of my daughter's addiction is that it brought me closer to God. I will tell you a story. When I first came to this board I was given the advice of: 1. Educate yourself on this drug 2. Let go and let God 3. Take the safety net away Now understand this person had MANY years of clean time and no way did I doubt this to be true. I read and read and read everything I could about meth. I prayed every night when I went to bed. I sobbed and I cried and I felt like God wasn't listening. I even remember going back to the board and saying "I'm doing everything you said but nothing in happening." I got similar responses as you did to this post. Moving forward....my daughter was 5 months pregnant and she disappeared for 2 weeks. My imagination was running wild. I was driving down the road and I truly thought she was dead. I saw myself at her funeral and I literally felt my legs collapse underneath me. I had to shake my head to pull myself out of this. I pulled over on the side of the road and was uncontrollably sobbing and laid my head down on the steering wheel. I said "God, I have done everything I know to do. PLEASE take care of my daughter and her unborn child." Stan, this is NO lie. I felt my scalp raise from the top of my head and felt such an enormous relief. I knew at that time I had TRULY let go and put her in God's hands. The very next day I received a call and she was in jail. I thanked God over and over for intervening because I knew she was ok and the baby was ok. Stan, when it comes to your children, you may think you are letting go but are you still holding on to their feet? I WAS. I didn't even realize it. Don't get me wrong. I still have to drop to my knees ever so often and let go again. When it comes to our kids, they will have to be willing to accept Gods help just as we parents do. My heart breaks for you. I feel your pain. You know I love you and I'm like Guene. Stans da MAN!! Stay strong!
micole	Re: What hope is there for my meth addicted son? Stan, I had a similar experience as Kathy. I prayed and prayed and prayed that God would protect my son, help my son, save my son, etc....it was not until I fell on my knees one day and screamed and cried to God and asked him to take him from me because I couldn't do it anymore that immediately, I felt a peace and a calmness I had never felt before. It's God's will and not ours and yes, he can and does work miracles if we hand our burdens over to him. Please don't ever give up on your son or God, as long as there is a breath left in him, there is hope. Give him to God and let go! You will try and take him back on occasion and that is okay, but don't forget to give him back to his Creator. You and your family are in my prayers along with everyone else that is suffering because of drug addiction.
Flyf1sh3r	Re: What hope is there for my meth addicted son? My friend Stan, Its not over, until its over. For that reason there is hope. The negative part of hope is placing your expectations into others. I believe that he will one day get sick and tired of being sick and tired. I hope it happens soon. Your a good man Stan.
danimal 55	Re: What hope is there for my meth addicted son? What hope is there? "he has tried to stop" "he wants to" I see a LOT of hope in these simple words Stan. IMO he will very likely keep trying....and keep wanting to. Addiction is not for God to take away, it is for us to give up. Freedom of choice is ours. I do think that Josh's lifestyle is going to lead him to a bottom that may remove him from the drug culture. The criminal behaviors necessary to maintain a meth habit with no employment, home or material possessions will catch up with him as they did with my son Jason. It's only a matter of time. A diet of chemicals does get old, our youth fades and we begin to realize that drugs DON'T WORK! Josh has already realized it, he just doesn't know how to escape. Wanting it is a huge first step....and from all indications, Josh gets what he wants.