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Boyfriend is using, temptation to use ...

Boyfriend is using, temptation to use ... 
my name is Lex, I am 33 and starting over. About two years ago I became addicted to pain killers, BRUTAL. Well, I thought I would fix that by using meth to get me off of the pills......ummmm......duh?
I have lost it all - home  EVERYTHING in it car  family job and it kills me to say....my kids.
I am working my butt of to get them back, but you would think, after over 2 months clean, I wouldn't have cravings like I do. I am beating the hell out of myself! I am my worst enemy, I fear ME.
My boyfriend is using, and the temptation is horrid. I am afraid we cannot be together unless we are both clean, and he doesn't seem to want it. HELP! e-mail me, anything......I have no one to talk to, I forgot to add friends to the list of what I have lost.
jes78 Re: Boyfriend is using, temptation to use...
the cravings do eventually go away. you and your boyfriend may be better off doing this separately, doing it for yourself, not kids, car etc...
god bless you
just don't pick up, not for this minute, those minutes add up. and you can email me or whatever at any time, we do recover!
Re: Boyfriend is using, temptation to use...
Hello Lex and welcome to KCI. 2 months is absolutely wonderful. Congratulations!!!

Cravings are normal. There is nothing wrong with you because you get them. I would imagine that it makes it twice as bad when your boyfriend is still using.

I am sorry to hear that you lost your children but glad to know that you still have a chance to get them back. Keep on working on you and your recovery and let your boyfriend do his thing. You may have to let him go to get what you really want in life.

Nice to meet you. Please keep coming back.
Penel0pe Re: Boyfriend is using, temptation to use...
I have lost it all- home  EVERYTHING in it  car  family  job
and it kills me to say....my kids.

Oh man do I know this story - I lived it.

You're going to have cravings, no doubt. But please, do what you got to do, because what I did after I lost everything was use MORE meth, and just got a different house, a different car (several, actually - the cops kept taking my cars to the impound because I was always driving on a suspended in an illegal car,) new job, and eventually one of my kids came to live with me, and the other stayed with his dad... so they both got to live through our separate addictions and all the chaos that went with it.

Do everything in your power to stay the course and get yourself into recovery. I get my recovery from Narcotics Anonymous - there are a lot of other ways to find freedom from active addiction as well.

Welcome to KCI - please, stick around. We are here for you!


Re: Boyfriend is using, temptation to use...

Welcome and congrats on 2 clean months. You haven't lost your life-so you haven't lost everything. You haven't lost your desire to live, you are reaching out for help and advice. So you do have some foundation to start from already (can't much replace clean time when you start out again).

I've seen a friend lose it all only to turn around and hear him say, "Help." What will he get back that he lost? It's up to him and his internal fight and other people's forgiveness, or lack thereof. He is working hard to establish contact with his kids again and I hope and pray his wife also. Only his children have spoken to him as human...his family was cold and indifferent (and they said their son did not use drugs). He's using Celebrate Recovery 12 step program that works great for him but I can say he is going through hard, hard times right now. He is seeing a counselor also. This morning's phone call was: "....having fallen flat on my back, all I can see is up."

At the same time, I'm seeing a new counselor today (sub. ab. counselor has served the purpose and I need something else now), I'm working Celebrate Recovery, and several online support groups. All I lost was me-insights into me and how I feel and really do care--some dopamine that will come back, and I'm going to come back better, not bitter.

We are fortunate to be friends and can bounce these times and growth and insights off one another.

Lex, there is lots of love and support here for you--much wisdom too. I can't tell you what you need because only you know you and your heart.

There is life after meth!
Re: Boyfriend is using, temptation to use...
Welcome Lexxie

Your going to love it here!
Stick around and you'll see what I mean!

And 2 months clean Way to go! I my self am only at 40 days so you've got about 20 days on me good job!
Re: Boyfriend is using, temptation to use...
Welcome to the board, Lexxie.

IMO, it would be very difficult for you to continue with your recovery when the person you're around and care about is an active user. Even with great willpower, I would think the temptation at some point would make you break. I've never used, so this is just my opinion from the people I care about who use (and who end up using again when they continue to hang out with their using friends).
Re: Boyfriend is using, temptation to use...
I would be having cravings too if I was around someone that was still using and had intention of giving up the dope anytime soon. I've been with my guy for 4 years and we used dope together since day one of our relationship. We're people that have dual addictions, heroin and stimulants like cocaine or speed, usually whatever we're in the mood for. It's been cocaine for him lately. I'm pregnant with our first child, I'm due 11-05 which is this Sunday. I had to kick him out of the house because he was continuing to use drugs in the house or coming home tweaking. I wasn't having cravings at the time but I felt it was disrespectful and I didn't like being around someone that was using when I was staying clean. I found his behavior very irritating. I wanted to stay clean for myself and my unborn son. I wanted to go to school and work on getting my life back. I did go back to school during summer quarter and I'm in outpatient treatment and counseling. I'm working on me for once. I had to let him go. He knows that I love him and we still consider each other boyfriend and girlfriend. I speak with him daily and we usually see each other every day too. He spends the night once or twice a week and lately he's been over at my house during the day when my Mom's at work in case I go into labor I won't have to be alone. Still I cannot completely count on him because he says clean for 5-7 days and uses for 1-2 days and then doesn't use for another week blah blah and basically repeats the cycle over again. He doesn't have a real place to stay and he sleeps on the streets sometimes. This is what stopped me in the past from kicking him out, I didn't want him sleeping on the streets. Then I realized that he knows he has a decent place to live with me and if he chooses to use drugs around me or be high he knows that he will have to sacrifice his place to stay in order to use drugs like he wants to. He has a choice. Once I realized that I didn't feel bad when I had to kick him out because he chose to give up his place to live in order to use. So if you have to kick your guy out remember it's his choice to live that way. My guy is in outpatient treatment and on methadone for treatment of his heroin addiction. Still he needs to make more of a effort if he intends on staying clean. He's not getting into trouble for using because he only getting drug tested once a month randomly and he's been lucky so far. Basically I'm sharing my story with you so you see you're not alone. Many of us here have partners that are using and use women aren't anymore or never did to begin with. This site is a great source of advice and support. I've been getting Acupuncture and if you do it consistently it really helps with cravings and stress. Another thing that works for many is Antabuse, you know the medication that's usually given to alcoholics? Well it's now being used to help reduce cravings in cocaine and speed addicts. I've known hardcore users really benefit from taking it. Maybe you should try it? I've been on my guy to get on it and the treatment center he's on requires a blood test to check liver enzymes prior to putting a patient on Antabuse. He just got his blood work done last Saturday so when the results come in he will start taking the medication. I hope it helps him. Welcome to KCI and good luck. If getting your life back is as important as you claim it is you will need to make some changes in order for it to really happen. Taking care of the obvious is hard but the most necessary right now.
Re: Boyfriend is using, temptation to use...
Hi sweetheart and welcome to the forum.
I have lost it all-

I know it feels that way, but no, you haven't lost everything, thank God. You still have your freedom, you still have your sanity, and you still have your life.

Focus on these things and move forward. NEVER GIVE UP, because we do recover.

In my humble opinion, if your boyfriend isn't ready to get clean yet, ditch him. You have children to think about, and your children should be your very first priority.

They will require a strong and healthy mom, and I predict that your boyfriend's continued use around you will draw you back in to your own addiction.

There is no room in your life for meth as long as you want to stay clean and get your children back.

That is my opinion only, and some may disagree.

Welcome again.
meth survivor
ten years clean

See also:

Boyfriend uses meth, I want to quit

What is in my addict boyfriend's mind?

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