KCI The Anti_Meth Site

Did your Meth user change you?

blue rain141	Did your meth user change you? I woke up last night thinking about the person I used to be. Since letting a meth addict into my life, I feel forever changed. I'm now depressed, secretive (what would people think if they knew what my life was really like?), angry and anxious. I feel like a nervous wreck, never knowing if my meth addict is going to be up or down... I'm ashamed of myself for allowing this to go on for so long. Does anyone else feel like they are forever, negatively, changed by their meth addict?
Replies...
Lexi Sunshine	Re: Did your meth user change you? I definitely feel like I'm forever changed, but as times goes on and the more I try to grow and learn myself, I am hoping that the whole experience turns out to be positive. Because I am learning that it is my own addiction that keeps me in the situations, and then I need to deal with my own recovery. But I could see how if you are with an active user, you could have the negative feelings. And I have felt that way before.
lady justice	Re: Did your meth user change you? YES, my meth user changed me. I am forever walking on egg shells not knowing if he is up or down and never knowing which way is worse. He was clean for over three years and I still did not have peace of mind. If I knew someone was around that might use I was always afraid. Now he has slipped back into using and all of those old feelings of being afraid of the unknown and being quiet when I would normally have an opinion have come rushing back.
Bent ButNot Broken1	Re: Did your meth user change you? Considering I learned some very useful things about people from having used coke for two years in my 20's...just quitting, moving on and living life unfortunately weren't enough of a lesson learned. I know me and my former using friend have BOTH learned more than our desire was to ever learn about addiction, the people involved with it all, and oddly, trust wasn't shattered until this go round with meth. I still trust him with my life and he trusts me with his. It's the people I don't see that have changed me. I'm sure my lack of trust has a great deal to do with availing myself of an internet meth recovery forum because the real, live humans in my life don't cause me to not trust. They don't doubt that what I've done is real and they don't doubt I'm telling the truth. Meth has changed me, yes. I'm praying I don't start feeling like I do towards the living, breathing people around me ever. This is not how I like to feel about people. This isn't the core me. I'm a quitter alright...I pray I never pick up another flipping drug in my life.
still going crazy	Re: Did your meth user change you? Yes living with a meth addict changed me. It changed me alot. It made me insecure, untrusting, and angry. I was made at the world. It hated the man I loved so much. My self esteem was broken. I felt unworthy of love. BUT it gets better. I kicked my addict out this time last year. The divorce was final in November. I must tell you I am better than ever before. The person I have become since this whole mess is someone I really like. My self esteem is back and better than ever. The world isnt so bad to me. I sometimes am thank full that this has happened to me because I am so much happier than ever. Hang in there it will get better I promise.
luve piphany	Re: Did your meth user change you? Yes, but now I'm changing ME! This thread is like a poster for Naranon or Alanon. I urge you to check the programs out. I did and am forever grateful that I did and very proud of myself for taking charge of me instead of trying to control the insanity of meth addiction.
Macy stiller01	Re: Did your meth user change you? YES. GOOD and Bad. During I was a mess. Nervous, full of anxiety, the world's greatest Nancy Drew (snoop), had no trust, lost lots of weight (not the good way). I like his use affect my life. But then........... I found this site. Got some good advice. Started Alanon. Came on her alot. Asked lots of questions. Got educated. Left him. We were lucky. He wanted to stop before it was too late. So he went to a doctor and a therapist. He will probably have to go for the rest of his life. But.......... We are engaged to be married. I found out I am a strong person. We communicate much better and dont take our relationship for granted anymore. YES MY METH USER CHANGED ME. But........... I GOT THE COURAGE TO CHANGE FOR THE BETTER
soso confused	Re: Did your meth user change you? This is a very interesting question. My meth user didn't change me per se, but many things have occured to me and dawned on me because of his drug use. I became much less trusting, more judgmental and very angry at meth users I know. I am generalizing here to a certain degree but I am disgusted with meth user's behavior and the terrible things they do to others and themselves. Their life is full of drama, thievery, cheating and lying. I can't stand any of those qualities in any people. I am also very depressed about the drug and its power over its users. Did you see the pictures of the big meth bust in Mexico and the money that they seized? Imagine meth traffickers are living in palatial palaces, minting money, while Americans are using their crap and wasting their brains and lives. The traffickers don't use their product. They live high on the hog while Americans and others use the crap they make and very often end up living in poverty. Ironic, isn't it?
mason 0101	Re: Did your meth user change you? I wouldn't say that my meth user changed me... but he brought out things in me that I didn't like. He showed me how weak, and vulnerable I was. I used drugs with him that I never had even considered before, vicodin along with numerous other pills, ecstacy, coke, meth. I would drink almost daily, something I never did. Than came the un-trusting, searching, questioning, eaves-dropping and always suspicios which made me feel constantly paranoid, he would even tell me that I thought about meth more than he did! Now though I have let go of all of it, when ever I feel tempted to search the house for glass pipes to pop, I stop myself with the realization that there will always be another one, if he wants it. Me smashing a million pipes is not going to change things. My Meth Crusade is over. I think as long as I realize these things about myself and worry about what I am doing and not what he is doing. Then the only change is for the better.
quiet lonely alone 2003	Re: Did your meth user change you? Definately I'm changed. I live every day on eggshells, worried about whether he'll be up or down, good mood, bad mood, whether we will actually have a conversation or if I'll just get yelled at. The fact I've lived this way for 4 years mystifies me. The fact I gave up a wonderful husband cause I thought I loved this man just makes me want to puke. I ask myself every day, how much longer can I do this, feel like an idiot, put up with being putdown and yelled at and walked on, just to have him in my life? And WHY do I want him in my life???? That's the question.
iw2q06	Re: Did your meth user change you? yeah i have changed... ...sometimes i feel very paranoid when a guy talks to me I can picture the guy talking to me angry and hitting me.... my ex heavy user... use to hit me i guess that got me kinda paranoid too.... but we gotz to move on... right..?? anywho i am sorry u havent been feeling too good try to move on... its tough as Fuk.. hugs *Quote:* And WHY do I want him in my life???? cuz u love him...
kymo sabi	Re: Did your meth user change you? No one can change me, I changed me. I changed my whole lifestyle. I never want to inflict that type of pain that an addict does, on myself nor do I want those who I love or who love me to feel like that...EVER!!! I have chose to make my husbands illness a learning experience. Life is what we make it. He like many others are poster children why we should all "Just say NO" I have never "walked on eggshells" or lived with the shame of his addiction, it really isn't my style I guess. I am very secure w/myself, why should I be ashamed? I don't do drugs, steal, lie, cheat or anything of the sort. I believe that meth succeeds if I let it run my life too. Hasn't it destroyed one too many people in my life? This addiction is not my burden to carry, so I won't! So yes it has changed me, it has taught me strength, humility, integrity, compassion and unconditional love for me, my husband and most of all for LIFE. And to think w/out these experiences I would've never knew I had it in me! God has a wierd way of teaching us about ourselves, I am learning everyday.
Northapt	Re: Did your meth user change you? Having a child as a meth addict isn’t something you choose. But still it is what I’m faced with. I suppose I started out like most parents-blaming myself and second guessing what I could have done wrong. What could I have done differently? Then I went to rescuing. Trying to force her into treatment, turn her in to the police, paving the way to treatment. When she was in Drug Court, I drove her to every group, every UA and every hearing with the Judge. And it was all for nothing….so far……… I became desperate and depressed, angry and helpless, all at the same time. Naranon helped give some sanity back. I have no control over her-only myself. I think maybe when you go through something like this you have to just surrender to God or the Universe or whatever you believe in and trust. Trust the process and go down there and hope you will come up clean on the other side. I believe I will.
Sweet P1126	Re: Did your meth user change you? bluerain, I understand where u r coming from, but something or someone can't change you unless you allow it/them to. You can only control you! When you learn to let go, only then will you find you again. I let myself get lost in my husbands addiction also. I am a fixer, I thought I could fix it and make everything "OK" again. When I learned that addiction isn't something you can "fix", I worked on fixing me, getting me and my life back. Work on taking care of you and letting go. Don't let his addiction define who you are and what you do. You are responsible for only "YOU" People make mistakes, and we are each responsible for our own. Take care of you and yours.
jes78	Re: Did your meth user change you? i think any experience w/ using or dealing with a user will change a person a little. its a real bad world out there. and when a person who never saw how cruel or evil the world really can be gets a glimpse of it, yes i think it makes us think differently. i mean we all know its bad out there, but until i used i never in my wildest dreams never thought how bad it did get. i never thought people did the things they did to each other. and loved ones sometimes witness a great deal of that or are at the receiving end of some of it. ill never trust people the way i did before. my mom is so different now, she would help anyone before. now shes a little bitter. bitter at the system, at the police who beat me up. she has seen backstage and never will forget. i also think it can change people for the better too.
imlost inky	Re: Did your meth user change you? *Quote:* I woke up last night thinking about the person I used to be. Grieve for that person and let her go. You will never be THAT person again. Not possible. *Quote:* I feel forever changed. You are. Now if that is a good thing or bad thing is totally up to you. It can break you - or make you. *Quote:* I feel like a nervous wreck, never knowing if my meth addict is going to be up or down You are never going to know. It isn't possible to predict an addict's mindset or mood. That is not within your control. You did not cause his addiction You can not control his addiction You can not cure his addiction What you can do: Fix you. Looking in the mirror, you don't like what you have become- start letting go. You choose to worry about things you have absolutely no power over- yet you totally miss what you do have power over. Yourself. Just as you can not control his addiction- his addiction can not control you -unless you say so. Has being an addict forever changed me? Yes. In more ways than I can count. Has being the wife of an addict changed me? Yes. In the beginning, not so good- everything revolved around what he was doing or not doing- what he was thinking or not thinking- everything. His addiction controlled my every moment. Now? Definitely good. Beyond a shadow of a doubt good. When I let go, let him be whatever it is he is going to be, and focused on what I wanted- what I desired- my dreams- who I wanted to be- I found a woman worth getting to know. It's your choice. It's all in how you choose to see. You don't have to just exist- there is life. Even with an addict.
kcbee	Re: Did your meth user change you? As the wife of an addict, I have to say that it's not the meth user that changes you, it's the "new awareness" that changes you. My husband is going to NA now, sometimes twice a day, because he needs that support. He needs to be around recovering addicts and people who can relate to what he's going through. He needs this to get clean and to help him deal with his addiction. Just like addicts need that support to help them overcome their addiction, we as their loved ones, need support to overcome our addiction. We may not think that we have an addiction, but we do, in such a horrible way too. We're addicted to negative thoughts. We're addicted to searching their belongings when they're not around. Addicted to studying their faces. Studying their moves. How fast are they moving? How much sleep are they getting? How long has he been gone to the store? Is he really even at the store? We're addicted to all of these thoughts, and they control us just as drugs control them. My husband saw that he had a problem, and now he's getting help. So now it's my turn. Our turn. As loved ones, we need to realize that we too need help to overcome our own addiction. Whether or not they're going to get help is on them. Let them come to that decision on their own. But for us, we need to open our eyes and realize that we need help just the same. Why try to do this on our own? If they can't do it on their own, then how can we expect US to do it on our own. Alanon / Nar-anon is your start. Is it difficult to walk into one of those meetings? YES. Absolutely. We actually have to face people. It's not just writing about it to people you don't know. It's actually seeing people fact to face. But don't our loved ones go through the same shame? How can we expect them to go to these meetings themselves and get help if we don't? The main question here is "Did your meth user change you?" Yes. We're definitely changed. But it's our choice to either stay in this horrible condition or get help.
nine years clean	Re: Did your meth user change you? "Did your meth user change you?" The man who would later become my husband first introduced me to meth, but HE did not change me. Whatever changes occurred in me, I allowed. From a very young age I was anti-drug. In my early twenties I drank beer and smoked pot, but consistently said no to any "hard" drugs. The day I said yes to meth when my future husband offered it to me was a day I will forever regret, but I own that decision. My parents blame my exhusband to this day for my 13 year meth addiction, and everything awful that happened in my life because of it, but I know they are wrong. Only when I learned to take full responsibility for the quality, or lack thereof, of my own life did I become able to change it for the better.
lynne	Re: Did your meth user change you? yes it changed me alot. not as a person who i am but how i felt ... i was a nervous wreck, hurt and devastated by his wanderings, sad, depressed, angry, nervous all of it! and i drank everyday too! like never before. his addiction had a terrible effect on me! after separating i am not that sad girl at all! it to awhile and i am still in love with him but i am much happier and healthier without being exposed to his addiction.
sierra Nights2	Re: Did your meth user change you? My son's usin', it's made me real street wise. It's made me wise in ways I don't wanna be wise. So wish I'd never been here, gone there, done that. It has changed my life. Not for the good. It so does hurt.