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Do's and Don'ts of Loving Meth Addicts

Sfj Do's and Don'ts of loving Meth Addict

Here's another from my archives.
  Mostly for family and loved ones:
  And Finally
  This is for loved ones, and family of meth users
Sfj welcomes you

Do's and Don'ts of loving Meth Addicts:

DO accept you are NOT in control of others lives, chemical use, lies, actions, emotions, finances, or feelings.

DO know that you can not deal with a loved one who is using meth on your own and that without God, you are destined to be in constant turmoil regarding your life. You will be just as CRAZY as the Tweaker you love.

DO seek out other people who have been where you are now and listen to their comments without getting defensive. Know they are trying to help, not be critical.

DO take a personal inventory of the way in which you interact with the meth user and determine if you are in any way, preventing their recovery. Also determine if you are in any way enabling them to continue using or being an umbrella or safety net for them.

DO get on with your life as best as you can. They may not ever get WELL, you must realize this and accept it. If you can not get your self to the point
where this fact does not wreak havoc on you personally, then YOU MUST put distance between yourself and the user. This sounds cold but it is actually the opposite as you need to realize that you must take care of you.

DO understand the dynamic of the relationship between the addict and their addiction. They are not the person you love and yet they are at the same time.
The person you love is not really in control at this point. Their addiction is. This addiction really does not care about you or your loved one's. It has NO conscience. It cares only about satisfying it's chemically derived need. This is not personal or meant to be vindictive; it is just the nature of addiction. It is over-whelmingly powerful. Your loved one is powerless against it on their own.

DO realize that the person you love can eventually come back, although in all honesty, the odds are against it.

DO learn everything you can about the drug, addictions and co-dependency. The more you know the better prepared you are to take care of yourself and be an assist in any hope of recovery that the addict may have.

DO try and help others who are hurting in the same way that you are hurting. This does two things:
1. It allows you to gain a better understanding of your relationship with the user. (You can see similarities and know you are not alone).
2. It will make BOTH of you stronger (Iron sharpening Iron).

DO not allow yourself to be manipulated by the user. It is NOT your fault they are an addict. It is NOT your fault that they are not in control of their lives. It is NOT your fault that they are broke or losing their children, it is THEIR fault and the result of choices that THEY made. The very first step towards recovery
for them will be the recognition of this fact.

DO not fall victim to Guilt. EVERY addict will try and blame someone else for their situation. As I said, the first step in their recovery will be accepting responsibility. You MAY actually BE DOING something that IS contributing to their problem but they are not going to be in a sound enough mind set to determine what that might be. They will just be trying to run a guilt trip on you if they say it is something you are doing. (Ie Cop Out).

DO not "ride the roller coaster" during their recovery. Addicts almost never "get it right" on the first attempt. Watch yourself and your feelings and do not get sucked back down or back in. They will be going through an emotional roller coaster themselves also. Try and be understanding of this. Also know that if they were heavy users, it may take a month of abstinence before they return to anything near normal.

New Do's and Don'ts.


DO talk to someone who understands drug addiction.

DO learn the facts about Meth addiction.

DO develop an attitude to match the facts.

DO go to Nar-Anon, Al-anon and/or seek professional help.

DO learn about yourself, your needs, desires, reactions and behavior patterns.

DO maintain a healthy and consistent atmosphere in your home as much as possible.

Do take care of your needs and let the addict take care of his/her needs.

DO share your knowledge with others.

DO be committed to your own growth, health, and life goals - be constructively self-caring.

DON'T preach and lecture to the addict.

DON'T make excuses for the addict.

DON'T make threats you won't carry out.

DON'T believe that you are the cause of the other person's drug addiction.

DON'T suffer for the addict.

DON'T protect the addict from drug situations whether using or in a program of recovery.

DON'T make an issue over the addict's choice of treatment. Like you, he/she has the right to choose what he/she wants.

DON'T rescue - let the addict clear up his/her own mistakes and assume the responsibility for the consequences of his/her using behavior.

(the above is in the public domain - to the best of my knowledge)
Robby99 Do's and Don'ts of loving Meth Addict

Good list but I have to say I do not agree with the Do not rescue the addict one ; some addicts need to be saved from themselves as they are self destructive by nature .

May I add ; DO practice love and tolerance for the addict !
Do's and Don'ts of loving Meth Addict

Robby99 wrote:

Good list but I have to say I do not agree with the Do not rescue the addict one ; some addicts need to be saved from themselves as they are self destructive by nature .

May I add ; DO practice love and tolerance for the addict !
I disagree. Why would an addict WANT to get clean, if he is continually being rescued? To continually rescue an addict not only harms the addict, but the loved one as well.

Self destructive by nature? That's why the loved one, Let's Go and Let's God, do his will. For we are not responsible for other people's behavior, we are only responsible for our own.

Thanks so much SFJ!! this is a great list.
Do's and Don'ts of loving Meth Addict

Thanks for posting this again. I have to say I have been a member of this board since I believe 2005. At the beginning of my journey I could say I was doing everything all wrong. Reading them now I am starting to learn the rules and growing. I am applying lots of them today with the help of my friends here.. We are not living together anymore. But he now calls everyday. He does not ask for money or help. Because I have said no in the past.

But what I have found is that I don't react the way I did before. I still need help in the letting go and controlling department. But I am getting better. Talking about it first and then making a decisions. I can now say I actually apply some of the do's and don'ts.

Example today he called. He was asking someone one if he could buy a cig. for .60 that all he had. My first instinct was oh how sad. I thought to myself I will get his address and send him a carton. He did not ask me to do that. But the enabler/co-dep/care taker was fixing to kick in. I did not say anything about it I held it in. Then I allow myself to say goodbye and think about it. Email a friend and decided against it. Why help him out. He gets money for dope he can find money for a pack of cig's.

I see progress....YEA....Thanks again.
FSOAB Do's and Don'ts of loving Meth Addict

Hi Sfj

I went to court today, I am still collecting my thoughts on all of it.

I just had a thought about a few threads, yours and R's. One thing in common for addicts/love one addicts, don't pick up.

Thank you for being here

See also:

In love with meth addict, what do I do?

Can a meth addict really have a relationship?

To what extent will a Meth addict Lie?

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