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Meth user hates their family - is help possible?


   This is my daughter's hate list: Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Old Friends, Aunts & Uncles. Anyone else that has quit enabling, knows of her use & does not believe her many lies. Do you think she will ever turn to any of us for help if and when she's ready? She is barely civil to me now that I have filed for guardianship of baby. I want to be there for her when she is truly in need of help.
- dell


Replies

Donna -
   Ya know dell when you are using you act like you hate your family but deep down you don't hate them at all. You are just soooo into the drug and your druggie friends that is all that matters to you when you are using. When a user does decide to quit their family is usually the people they go to first.
   When we are using we spend all our time hurting our families and running from them but they are the ones there for us in the end. Your using friends sure aren't there for you when you get into trouble or you decide to quit. It's amazing. I had a LOT of friends when I was using but when I quit I had none!! It's just all about the dope with drug addicts!! One day your daughter will see all that it's a huge reality check believe me.

Lorrie -
   She doesn't hate you Dell and you did the right thing for the baby. Didn't you go to court a while back for the baby? What happened? A. dell -  I had court on Wed, June 9, daughter showed up to contest, we now have to go to a mediator. Next court date is Aug 4, till then judge left baby in my custody. I think that is a "win". Daughter is really mad at me now! I can see it in her face that she does hate me, I just try to remember that this really isn't my daughter right now, but it's so hard.

Sfj -
   Donna and Lorrie are correct. She doesn't hate you. Meth hates you. She is under the control of the drug.

S -
   Her hostility is based on her addiction. When she is ready to discard the addiction, there is a really good chance that she will see your actions, not as being intended to hurt her, but as intended to protect her child, and to protect her.
   She'll have to cut through guilt and shame to be able to approach you. It's hard to admit you are wrong about anything.... how much harder to admit that you were so wrong that you endangered your own child?
   Explain it to her in those terms - that you are protecting her, and her interests. That you don't want to have to do this, but that you have no choice. That you will forgive her when she is ready.
   Then you need to 100% completely walk away. Any interaction you have with her after this, but before she tries to clean up, needs to see you reiterating these points. Don't ever budge. Don't let her get you mad - especially not mad enough to say something that she could twist into a "reason" or ulterior motive to ascribe to you. You dont' have one, and that truth has to be crystal clear to her when she is ready to recover.
   God addiction sucks. I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

Kathi -
   Dell - you and I were separated at birth. I am going through the same things - I have custody of my daughter's 3 year old (just recently) and she, too, hates all those who truly love her. It truly is the "nature of the beast". Stay strong - don't get sucked into the hate ( I say that because I know how hard it is when you are being glared at, cursed at and blamed for everything the drug is causing) Ahhhh - hard. My heart goes out to you.


See also:

Effects on the Family and loved Ones from Crystal Meth and Methamphetamin Topics

Why is it so hard on us non-addicts?


Back to Crystal Meth & Methamphetamine Questions, Answers & Advice


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