This is my daughter's hate list: Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Old
Friends, Aunts & Uncles. Anyone else that has quit enabling, knows of
her use & does not believe her many lies. Do you think she will ever
turn to any of us for help if and when she's ready? She is barely
civil to me now that I have filed for guardianship of baby. I want to
be there for her when she is truly in need of help.
- dell
Donna -
Ya know dell when you are using you act like you hate your family
but deep down you don't hate them at all. You are just soooo into the
drug and your druggie friends that is all that matters to you when you
are using. When a user does decide to quit their family is usually the
people they go to first.
When we are using we spend all our time hurting our families and
running from them but they are the ones there for us in the end. Your
using friends sure aren't there for you when you get into trouble or
you decide to quit. It's amazing. I had a LOT of friends when I was
using but when I quit I had none!! It's just all about the dope with
drug addicts!! One day your daughter will see all that it's a huge
reality check believe me.
Lorrie -
She doesn't hate you Dell and you did the right thing for the baby.
Didn't you go to court a while back for the baby? What happened? A.
dell - I had court on Wed, June 9, daughter showed
up to contest, we now have to go to a mediator. Next court date is Aug
4, till then judge left baby in my custody. I think that is a "win".
Daughter is really mad at me now! I can see it in her face that she
does hate me, I just try to remember that this really isn't my
daughter right now, but it's so hard.
Sfj -
Donna and Lorrie are correct. She doesn't hate you. Meth hates you.
She is under the control of the drug.
S -
Her hostility is based on her addiction. When she is ready to
discard the addiction, there is a really good chance that she will see
your actions, not as being intended to hurt her, but as intended to
protect her child, and to protect her.
She'll have to cut through guilt and shame to be able to approach
you. It's hard to admit you are wrong about anything.... how much
harder to admit that you were so wrong that you endangered your own
child?
Explain it to her in those terms - that you are protecting her, and
her interests. That you don't want to have to do this, but that you
have no choice. That you will forgive her when she is ready.
Then you need to 100% completely walk away. Any interaction you
have with her after this, but before she tries to clean up, needs to
see you reiterating these points. Don't ever budge. Don't let her get
you mad - especially not mad enough to say something that she could
twist into a "reason" or ulterior motive to ascribe to you. You dont'
have one, and that truth has to be crystal clear to her when she is
ready to recover.
God addiction sucks. I'm so sorry you have to go through this.
Kathi -
Dell - you and I were separated at birth. I am going through the
same things - I have custody of my daughter's 3 year old (just
recently) and she, too, hates all those who truly love her. It truly
is the "nature of the beast". Stay strong - don't get sucked into the
hate ( I say that because I know how hard it is when you are being
glared at, cursed at and blamed for everything the drug is causing)
Ahhhh - hard. My heart goes out to you.
