Have you ever said, Enough is Enough to drugs?

Have you come to the point of saying enough is enough?
Have you been able to stick to it?

actually I have stuck to my guns , I can be tuff as nails to my son , it is when he is not around that I have a hard time , he makes it easy not to enable him since he hardly ever calls I guess for him it is out of sight out of mind
 

I have...but my mom is finally learning. My sis will not talk to me at all, the info I know is through my mom. It sucks her choice to use meth has affected every single person in our family. Somedays sad to say I wish she would just go away cuz in the same breath I miss her with all my heart
 

When you can't eat or sleep or function. When you are afraid to be around them, when they finally disgust you. Then you know.

When you have had enough, and don't accept the blame they hand you in healthy portions, then you can stick to your guns. I have been away for almost 2 years and will never go back. Even if he gets clean.
 

YES, I have, and by the grace of God, so will you. I can't explain exactly how long or how or why, but one day I just surrendered to the facts. I let go and let God?

Even as a mother, there is only so much hurt, pain, anger, frustration, disappointment, embarrasment, and disbelief that one can take. Make no excuses for their behavior, they have a choice....it is theirs alone!!

Stick to your guns, upagainstthewall, you'll be amazed at how good it feels and how proud you will be of yourself once you really DO IT...for you and your sanity. YOU DESERVE MORE.........this is NOT YOUR FAULT.

My child has only God to protect her now. She has given away the most precious gift one could receive...a child, and exchanged her for a life on the streets as a drug addict and street whore. My choice???
 

So far, it has been a month since I sat down with my son and told him to get his things and leave. I knew the day was coming, and actually should have done it 6-8 months ago.
He was/is an expert at manipulating me but I would see good things happening that I felt outweighed the bad things I saw. It was the other bad things I did not see or find out until I told him to leave that I look back on and realize as far as the addict goes its all or nothing. I had drafted and he signed a contract with me after he finish in-patient rehab about 2 years ago. We had a come to jesus and a review of the contract and re-agreement 6-8 months ago when I discovered he was growing pot in my back yard. I probably would have let him go then but in the discovery I found my Ex knew about his farm and actually condoned it. Need I say more about my Ex? Anyway, 6 months go by with some improvement, a new job with a future, new car and things were starting to look positive. Then he stopped seeing old pre drug freinds, started not coming home all weekend, missing work, and I found pawn tickets, insurance cancellation notices, bank overdraft notices and my gas card bill spiked. Seems he was selling the tools i gave him for his job, swiped my gas card every chance he could get and even borrowed money from his boss at work before they fired him for not showing up. Theres a whole bunch not said here, but I know I "helped" him get to rehab the first two times, this time he is got to get himself there. NO MORE ENABLING for me. I have not mentioned all the enabling I did before the first two rehabs, but I am a slow learner. BTW, when I confronted him about the gas charges he looked me strait in the eye and told me he did not do it, those eyes were dead, and he did not flinch. It was like he knew this was the end of his free ride. I did not see my son in that body, his spirit is being consumed by the drug, and I doubt I ever see the real son again. He has only requested I help him get his car out of impound after he spent 30 hours in jail for a traffic stop. They found paraphenilia in his car and charged him for it. I helped him get his car out because at that time he still had his job, and that was the only thing he really had going for him at that time. He was fired the next day, so in hind sight I wish I had not help him get his car. Tick, Tick, tick.
 

I think I am at the end of my rope. I am very much afraid that he will spiral even more out of control without me, but I don't know that I can continue like this. I wish I could save him! A part of me still thinks that maybe I can... but deep inside my heart of hearts, I do know better. I keep feeling as though I must be a weak person to be considering turning my back after only the 2nd bout, but have taken into consideration that he NEVER DID quit smoking pot-- even though I pleaded with him for 2 years. I eventually just accepted it, but I am scared that the meth use will be a repeat of the MJ use. I KNOW I can never accept his meth use as a way of life as I did with the marijuana use. I feel like I am at a Crossroad & that THIS decision is the most important one of my life.

I wish the answers were easy. Don't know for sure how my story will end yet...
 

I wish I could say yes, but my husband and I are trying to get her into a rehab or treatment center, but frist she has to go to court and clear up a warrent out for her, and then she has to do commity service before she can go to some of these places. We will see. But coming here I am getting stronger and more tough about a lot of things she use to do.
 

I've come to that point many times...and then sidestepped it to walk down the same lonely, frustrating road of enabling again and again.

I know the day is coming soon when I will stick to it. But for today I will just accept myself with all my faults and try to make the best of it.

He did call the outpatient treatment center this morning. It sounds like because he has custody of son (not legally, mind you, but physical custody) he may be able to get some state assistance to help pay for it.

He also blasted me for making him use w/my harping, but I told him he chooses to use...I can't MAKE him do anything.

So, like Guene, (I'm thinking about you every day, Guene!) I'm still in Enablerville., which is just outside of Tweakerville
 

Sickandtired,

You will be amazed at the difference in the quality of life without this souless person in your life. Immense peace, even though they are still using. Not being around it will save YOUR life. If he spirals without you faster, then the quicker he can hit bottom and possibly ask for help.
 

I read and read and read .. My husband wasn't only addicted to meth, but he also was an alcoholic ... the first book I ever read that opened my eyes was a book titled "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drew ..

I read it and it amazed me .. I felt as if someone had been looking in my window of life and wrote about what was taking place in my home ...

This book was a real eye opener for me ... and gave me tools to help myself and to set up an environment for change ... I had no guarentees he would change, but in helping myself learn what to do and what not to do ... and how to stop enabling him ... helped to create an environment that brought about changes ...

In the long run I was the one who changed .. He wasn't ready ..

After reading the book ... I applied what I had read ... and even though he didn't change ... I could still live and be happy no matter what he did or didn't do ...

It helped me to give his alcholism back to him and for me not to take it on as if it were my problem .. it taught me to let the consequences of his alcholism fall on his shoulders not mine ... it helped me to learn how not to enable him ... and it told me all about the guilt I would feel and the way I would feel that I abandoned him and it exposed the lie behind these feelings ...

It taught me that in the beginning when I started to apply my new found knowledge to our lives that I would feel uncomfortable doing so ... because I wasn't use to taking care of me ... I was use to letting my self fall prey to his addictions ...

This book was one of the best purchases I've ever made in my life ... It was and has been invaluable to me ...

After much trial and error ... I was able to detach from what he was doing or not doing ...

I sometimes had set backs, but was able to pick up and move forward in the belief that I had tried everything possible before to help him and nothing worked .. I had to believe that someone else out there had been down the path before and knew the way out ... and if I would follow what I was learning that the pay off would eventually come ...

So I began to use my new tools and found a peace that I had longed for ... I found that my happiness wasn't in his hands, but my own ...

Later down the line ... I came to a place in my own heart that alerted me that I could no longer live with him under the same roof ... He was getting worse ... and was terribly verbally, emotionally and mentally abusive ... and for the first time in our relationship I was actually worried that he would cross over to physical abuse against me .. because of some things he started to say .. Like, when we would argue or I would as he called it "bytch at him" for not spending time with his family ... he accused me of wanting him to hit me .. he said, I think you want me to kick your ass don't you" or you don't have it that bad off here ... at least I don't beat the shyte out of you .. Maybe I should then you can see how bad you could really have it ...

It was then that I knew that his addiction had taken him to a whole other realm and that it was now time for me to pack the kids up and leave ... After everything I had gone through already with him and his meth, druggie friends, his brother who was an addict to and thought that I was just being a bytch by not wanting Scotty to use ... after walking through hell and back to try to save him only to learn that I was powerless and could save nobody but myself and my children ... I decided it was time to do just that ... and I did ...

I still in training so to speak ... I let him know I would always be there if he ever wanted to get clean, but that I would no longer tolerate his addiction in any way, shape or form ...

It didn't stop him ... he spiraled down even further .. and he would come to me and say he wanted help ... I would drive him to meetings and such .. but when he sold some stuff at a swapmeet fully knowing I needed help with the electric bill and money for milk ... yet he took off from his meeting with the money he had made and gave it to his connection ... didn't show up til the next day and was wired to the gills ... asked to use my car to take a dolly back that he had used to bring me a better refrigerator ... and when I refused to let him take my car ... he got pissed .. I drove him to take his friends dolly back ... he yelled at me and cussed me out all the way there ... I sat scilent in the car saying nothing ... once we arrived at the destination and he got out of the car with the dolly ... I drove away ... and left him there ... thinking to myself "I'll be damned if I am gonna let him talk to or treat me like that" ... I drove home and left him there ... and it felt sooooo good ... I didn't care if it pissed him off, I didn't care what he would say or do about it ... I had every right to not permit that kind of treatment ...

The last straw for me came when I had moved to Maryland ... and he called me up and told me that the city of Sacramento was doing a homeless clean up ... and that they were giving homeless people that had family in other states a bus ticket out of Sacramento and home to their family ... He wanted to come see the kids and asked me if the people giving the ticket called me would I please say he could come there ... (I let him know he wasn't staying with me and the kids) he said he would stay in a motel ... I agreed .. I tried not to keep the kids and him from seeing each other ...

When he arrived I picked him up at the bus station and we talked for a bit and then he told me he only had 5 bucks to his name ... I brought him over to see the kids .. and the kids were so happy to see him ... I gave in and let him sleep on the living room floor for what I said would be only one night which turned into two nights ... and on the second night .. I told him before I went to bed ... that he would have to spend the day looking for somewhere to go ... he didn't ... I made a few calls .. found a counselor that would talk to him ... took him to a thrift shop, bought him a couple warm shirts (he came from California and didn't have anything warm to wear in the cold Maryland weather .. On the way to drop him off ... He said, you know Sher, I've changed ... and I stopped the van and looked at him and said, Yeah, really? You've changed ... and I proceeded to tell him ... You haven't changed at all ... You show up here fully knowing you can't stay at my place and that you would have to stay in a motel ... you only have 5 bucks to your name and can't afford a motel ... You are clearly still using and denying it ... You haven't changed ... I have ... I am not the same woman that I was in California ... I won't put up with your shyte ... You better get the help you need this time ... because if you don't ... this is the last time I will try to help you help yourself ... This is it .. I will not do this anymore ... I dropped him off at the counselors .. handed him 10 bucks .. wished him luck and drove away ....

He called and let me know the counselor found him a shelter to stay in until a bed opened up in rehab ... he got a bed a couple days later and started a rehab program which he eventually let without so much as a goodbye .. and when I called California he answered the phone ...

I said, You know the kids are really hurt and mad at you .. He said in a questioning tone, "the kids are mad at me?" and then he proceeded to tell me that he was mad at the kids because no one called ... no one came to see him ... no one cared that he was there ...

I reminded him that him and I were over ... so I wasn't going to be the one who called ... it wasn't about me .. it was about his relationship with his children .. and that he was the adult and as the adult it isn't up to his children to chase him around .. it is up to him to make sure he calls his kids ... and that he had everything all a$$ backwards ...

He was very angry and the wall of addiction was up and I wasn't about to stay on the phone beating my head against the wall ...

That was the last time I helped him ... I stood by my word ...

I was done,
Passion


 

In Memory Of
William Scott Simmons
Oct 22, 1957 - Oct 16, 2004

Scotty ultimately lost his life to his addiction
Double Click Here To Read His Story

In April 2004 after my daughter stole from me I finally came to my "end".My daughter stole from me knowing that I am single,raising her daughter!! From that time on she & b/f were no longer allowed at my home. I stuck to my guns,there were times she & b/f were banging on the door,I would not let them in! Holidays, they not allowed.From that point on all visitation with child was at restaurants,parks,etc. not at my home.They were homeless,living in car,no jobs I still did not give in.
It was sooooooo hard!! Finally you get to that point where enough is enough, but like the addict reaching their bottom, it is different for everyone. Only you will know when you have had enough!
August 3,2005 the call came from my daughter...."Mom, I need help,you have always told me you would help when I was ready, I am ready now". I had waited almost 6 yrs for that call,daughter will celebrate her 60 days clean on July 27!
 

This is my first time writing about this and even talking about it on the website I'm so nervous if writing it but I am writing because I KNOW my gut tells me that my husband is back to using METH. I cant say that I caught he red handed but just by his actions I would say he is. HE went through a program and graduated not even like 4 months ago. Which I thought was a waste of time and money, cuz right before he ended his program I found something that looked like a piece of glass pipe in the dryer when I was drying our clothes. Or course he denied it saying that it had to been a old one that he must of hid in his clothes. Anyways after a few days of fighting I finally gave in. But getting back to now like I said I haven’t found anything because I haven’t really searched. I use to do that when I first found out three years ago. I have come to terms that he is still a meth user and I DONT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT. The problem is getting him out of my home. When you have a husband who accuses you of sleeping with neighbors, co workers, and friends husbands and go through clothes, sheets drawers and lifting carpets. That is a big sign.... He even puts bells on the doors to see if someone is coming or going. Screening my CALLS as though I'm doing crazy things. I mean I can go on and on. I guess what I want is for someone to reassure me that I am doing the right thing. I have taken the lies, lies , lies for three years. I mean since three years that I found out. I don’t know how long he has been doing METH cuz or course he always lies about EVERYTHING!!!! I guess I'm just really tired of living in a prison in my own home and having OUR children listen to the madness. He STILL wont admit to using METH. HE says that’s all I can blame him for so I bring it up in all our fights. But his actions speak for themselves. NO one in their right minds would act like this... I tell him he needs serious help and I'm DONE...... NOW I wont him to leave peacefully without me having to get a court order which I know I will end up doing... I have to say that I have done this about three or more times but I just have to do it now for me and my kids sake... I cant deal with the lies and the weirdness that he does. He even calls my work and hangs up. I know he is just checking to see if I'm at work. Any feedback anyone could give me I would really appreciate it!
 

QUOTE ***I cant deal with the lies and the weirdness that he does. He even calls my work and hangs up. I know he is just checking to see if I'm at work. Any feedback anyone could give me I would really appreciate it!***

Sounds like you're done no matter what so what difference does it make if he is using or not?

His behaviour could easily be just controlling, abusive, jealousy OR it could be meth use. Your life needs to be healthy no matter what and if asking him to leave is what you need to do, then do it and don't feel guilty but at least be honest with yourself and him. If you want him to leave and you don't care if he's clean or not just say so.

My husband thought if he cleaned up I'd take him back and I had to set him straight. I would support him 100% in any effort to clean up but I would never be taking him back because my trust and love were shot. I believe *IF* he ever cleans up it has to be for him, because HE wants to, not because he thinks it's how he'll get me back.

JMHO! (and it's certainly not an opinion everyone will agree with)
 

"Kirsten"
Quote:

You will be amazed at the difference in the quality of life without this souless person in your life. Immense peace, even though they are still using. Not being around it will save YOUR life. If he spirals without you faster, then the quicker he can hit bottom and possibly ask for help.

This is true, I did not realize this until he was gone again how on edge I had gotten with my son.
The feeling of failure in being unable to "help" him and not knowing if he is "OK" is still persistant but managable. The house is quiet, and life goes on. Only my boy and god know whats going to happen next.

In the beginning I told my husband that before we could ever live as a family again, he'd have to have some type of rehab/recovery and we'd have to attend marriage counseling.

Before separating, I accepted his addiction. I knew he would not be home, I knew the bills would not get paid, I knew if he didn't use he'd be hell to live with, and I accepted it all.

Over time, the more I thought about it and the more I focused on my own recovery, I decided that his addiction was holding me back. I decided that I needed my own recovery more than I needed his. So, I left.

Yes, I miss the idea of being married, the whole death til you part crap, but I don't miss the life I had. I'm glad I stuck to my boundaries, I'm glad I was able to change those boundaries as I grew and learned, I am very glad to be where I am now.

My daughter and I have days full of peace now, not worry or stress due to an addiction that we cannot control.

<<<<When you can't eat or sleep or function. When you are afraid to be around them, when they finally disgust you. Then you know.

When you have had enough, and don't accept the blame they hand you in healthy portions, then you can stick to your guns. I have been away for almost 2 years and will never go back. Even if he gets clean.>>>>

Kristen and TnSkye, your words are so true. My train came to an abrupt stop, probably faster than most people, but I knew there was only insanity ahead if I stayed (definition of insanity being doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result).

When I first kicked him out, he lived next door so as far as my sanity, or lack thereof, not much changed. I soon moved to another county, closer to my family. I am treated with respect and love. And now, if he did clean up, I can't say I'd get back with him. I certainly would not jump into it like I did the last time.

*******************************
I gained 25 lbs after moving here. People who haven't seen me in a few years tell me I've lost weight. When I tell them I've recently gained 25 lbs, they can't believe it. After gaining 25 lbs, I'm still smaller than I was years ago.

I almost killed myself because of meth.......
 

Salcido - I was where you are now. I got to the point that I couldn't deal with the roller-coaster anymore. Too much was too much. I couldn't stand to be in the same room w/him anymore. I was very scared. I was numb. I didn't know what to do, or where to turn. I knew I had to leave or someone was going to get hurt.

I had to cope with a lot of the same things you're talking about. I was accused of having affairs, dating my co-workers, sneaking around, making phone calls to my lovers, he even told me many times that he had video tapes of me with my lovers... all lies! Everyday it was something new. I also got calls at work all the time. Sometime he would hang up just checking to make sure I was there. Sometimes he would call my co-workers, and even got so bad he was calling my Boss. I was so afraid of losing my job. It was a completely crazy life. I was living on the edge of a complete break-down. It got to be too much for me, and for my family.

Even though it was hard, and we didn't know how to survive - me and my family left. We've been away for almost a year. We have NEVER regretted leaving that Hell. (Hell is the only way I can describe it.) Even though life is tough, and we have some difficult days, it is SO MUCH BETTER than living with satan himself.

I agree with Kirsten - what she said is so true. Your quality of life is so much better. There's no comparison! I do believe that by leaving, it probably did save our lives. He's worse now, than he was when I was there. I can't imagine what our lives would be like if we had not chosen to leave.

We closed that door and we never look back. It's the only way we can survive. If not - they will continually suck you back into that dark pit where they reside. That is not living in my opinion. Life has more to offer than that. I hope he turns his life around someday. He was such a good person - before Meth. But for me it's over - and I will never go back to that kind of life.

That's just part of my story. I hope it can help you in some way. I wish you the best. Get away from that misery that you're living in. Make a better life for yourself! If you have any questions for me, feel free to ask. Good Luck!
 

Upagainstthewall you asked,
Have you come to the point of saying enough is enough?
Have you been able to stick to it?

My answer is No to both. That is why I believe my son’s addiction has been taken out of my hands. I am grateful.

He is on the run, and with a warrant for his arrest the police have checked our home.

I have done everything that I could think of to help my son but would probably jump at the chance to do something else if it was presented to me. I thought a lot like Sickandtired77, “I am very much afraid that he will spiral even more out of control without me,” I have been shown that with me, he has not accomplished anything and is still using. All my efforts have failed.

Have I let go and let God? NO, but thank God He has taken the situation out of my hands so that I had to let go and let God. I am calmer now than I have been in the last 13 months.
 

By the second time he stayed out the night I hit my bottom with it. I couldn't bear having a bf that stayed out the night. I could bear the neglect, the lateness, the not showing up...but the entire night was enough.

When he admitted to getting high I demanded that he go to treatment (He was previously clean). When he didn't set it up the next day...I took the keys. 2 days later he went to treatment.

He came home 21 days later only to disappear again. I left a cell phone message that the locks would be changed again by morning.

The 21 days gave me a lot of pain, but some detachment. I was unwilling to live with an active addict anymore. That was a couple of months ago. So many nights of tears later...

I bumped into him a couple of weeks ago, and he still pulled me into his arms and gave me a kiss and asked me if we had a future. He looked awful. He admitted to being clean "today"! I felt sorry and almost got back into it.

Two days after that, I had heard that he was getting high through the entire 4 years (hurt to hear the truth), Since then, I've been going to more Alanon, and not picking up the phone or answering his calls or emails.

By detaching with an ax, it's given me the clarity to find why I was staying with someone who only brought insanity, chaos, and only gave me "crumbs" emotionally.

After almost 3 months of crying, railing at god for taking him away from me, and feeling the loneliest I think I've ever felt....I think I finally surrendered.

I don't want crumbs anymore. I don't want to be with an active addict. I am clean/sober myself and I don't want to put my own recovery in such jeopardy anymore. I don't think god's plan for me is to live in that nightmare forever. It can't be. Being with him can only flatten me more, hurt me more, destroy my spirit more....

I guess removing myself finally got me to the place where I understand that I have had enough!

It's not an easy journey, but last night was the first time I didn't cry. And now if I do...it seems to be for me, and not for him.