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When was your breaking point with his meth use?

LoveMet When was your breaking point with his meth use?
I was wondering has anyone gotten to the point with the addict in their life. Where you said "I do not care if you are using or not your abuse has to stop". Has anyone drawn the line in the sand no matter what the cost?
Re: When was your breaking point with his meth use?
I may not be to the "point" yet, but I know I'm close. I just wrote this letter to my BF the other night.

Dear Jerry,
I have some things I need to tell you and I think its best written, since we have such a hard time communicating verbally.

Another agreement broken. We agreed that you and I would only drink together and for special occasions. The reality of you losing your family isn't enough to hold you to it. I have quit drinking all together for the sake of our relationship.  You have not. In the 9 days that you were sober I realized that we could have a wonderful relationship if mind altering substances didn't exist in the world?. they do. I am constantly trying to balance and handle YOUR addiction (drugs, drinking, gambling). I'm exhausted, stressed out and not feeling well because of it. I'm also eating myself to death.

Your almost constant verbal abuse has left me battered, bruised and beaten emotionally. The constant yelling at me in front of our son (and my other children) has left them damaged for life. My life being spent walking on eggshells is killing me. Not being able to ask a question or hold a conversation is stealing my soul. I will not blame you for this. I will take 50% of the blame because I have allowed you to do this to me time and time again. I tell myself that I am strong enough to be called stupid, ignorant, doe doe and many other things, .but I am not. Every time you degrade me it kills a little piece of me that I will never regain.

You will help me do NOTHING around the house. You say you have lost your motivation, but you jump at the chance to help a fellow addict move his car.

I am a good person who is starting to truly hate myself. I can't believe I have let things get to this point. Jaden sees the way you treat me and is starting to get defensive of me. These things I have got to stop. I know I deserve better. I am not stupid. You deserve someone you can respect and treat well. Someone that accepts your drinking and whatever else is unacceptable to me. You are not the person you once were and it is finally sinking into my thick skull.

The worst thing is that you don't see any of this. You can't see that even though you say you are sorry after yelling and calling me names?. I am still damaged?. forever.

The bottom line is that we ALL deserve happier, better lives than we have right now. I heard someone say that above all we should pick someone we can hold a conversation with because in the end the sex is gone, the looks are gone and that's what you really have left. We don't even have that a little bit.

I don't know what the ultimate answer is, but I'm reaching a conclusion really quickly. I would consider counseling, but anything short of that I think we have tried. I am looking at the people in my life and what they contribute to my life and the lives of my children.

I would like your opinion, but I don't want you to raise your voice or call me names in the process. I'm done with that for good.

My BF has agreed to the counseling. Time will tell. I find myself not thinking about how devastated I will be if he is not here. All I'm trying to figure out is how to make everything work financially without him here.

Is that the "point" you are referring to?
imlostinky Re: When was your breaking point with his meth use?
Has anyone drawn the line in the sand no matter what the cost?

Yes, years ago, and he has the good sense not to cross it.

coffeediva Re: When was your breaking point with his meth use?

My hubby started to destroy things around the house. The look of hatred and violence in his eyes scared me. I knew that one day it would be me or the kids he turned on.

Just a little over a month or so ago, he went into a rage and destroyed our downstairs closet door just to spite me.

That was it for me. Something snapped. I told him to leave. He refused. So my son and I stayed over at my sister's.

I went back about 24 hours later and told him I had enough, either he goes or I do. He left. I also told him I didn't want a divorce, still loved him but was done living the way we were.

He was only gone for 24 hours when he called me crying and begging to come home. Promising he'd work on recovery, go to counseling...whatever I wanted. Admitted he had been using again (which I already knew, but it was coke not meth this time). I had heard it before in November. I heard the promises of counseling so many times.

As hard as it was, I said no. For the first couple of days he was angry with me. Distant. But we continued to talk everyday.

He was only gone 3 weeks when we decided it would be okay for him to come home. I wrote out what I wanted out of life, what I wanted out of a relationship, what type of family life I wanted.

I did not personalize it or put expectations on him. I put it in terms of me: I will not live with violence. I will not live with drug use. I will be treated with respect. And so on.

He is seeing a counselor who he loves. He is opening up about his use and his feelings. He is back to work. He is spending time with the family.

His ACTIONS have spoken more clearly to me than any words he has spoken in the past 2 years. Our communication still needs working on and I am still wary, but one day at a time for us.

I have continued to work on ME. To not consume myself with his actions and what he is thinking. I don't walk on egg shells if he is having a bad night and I don't let it ruin mine.

I cannot tell you the difference in how our home feels. There is no longer this sense of chaos and tension. It feels like a home again.

Be strong. Do not settle and do not give in.

Do what is right for you.
mtgl7771 Re: When was your breaking point with his meth use?
I have gotten to the point once very strongly however he had no car and was "waiting" on someone to pick him up. he was hoping his dad or brother (6hrs away) would pick him up. anyway, now i now probably all a lie, he changed his personality so drastically and quit for several days that i believed it was the start of something. he even went to the doctor. i know he started up again, he doesn't think i know but the anger, distance, paranoia, etc.... is all there. we are waiting for the money from the car to come in after we buy a used car, if he has not started counseling and/or quit he is out.
Re: When was your breaking point with his meth use?
Yes. That was the day I decided to get clean. I went away for 3 months and came back a new person. I wanted to show my husband that there really was a better way to live.

He was horrible to me. Before I left, and after I came back. I knew if I stayed and tried to help him, I would be right back in that life in no time at all.

It took me getting clean to see how sick I really was, and when I got home, I saw how sick he really was. And I knew I couldn't save him; only myself.

So I left him, after 15 years of marriage; that was just over ten years ago. Hardest thing I've ever done. Harder than getting clean; harder than going to prison; it was, by far, hardest thing I've ever done.
Guene Re: When was your breaking point with his meth use?
Tara, My daughter put us through hell for 8 years, it's a long story so I won't go into it, but this year we, her parents realized that we had done all we could and even though it was very painful we decide to sell out house and move, so here we are in Montana and she is in Calif. I thought my heart was going to break and I cried, but when my health started doing downhill I knew I had to cut those strings, and her father said enough is enough.

We started our new life and she said her new life without us to be there every time she made mistakes, we were part of her problem and I didn't see it until this year. The strange part is she doing good, she's got a job, we helped her get her own place and gave her our little truck and she's doing good and handling things herself. So sometimes you just have to let go and let god, it worked for us, but I'm not saying its the right thing for everyone. This board and all the people here helped me so much and they are good friends.
anne Re: When was your breaking point with his meth use?
thanks for asking that question.

another question maybe to add in is - when was your breaking point? I see where some of you said when he broke the closet door. or raised his fist. I guess everyone has a different threshold of the pain that can be put upon them.

I mentioned before in lovemet's post that I used to be strong. what would you women say if I told you that I no longer am... that I sit here and allow things to be "okay" again time after time again. and they really are ok for awhile, until the next incident.

my addict isn't currently using so there is no pattern to his behavior. the $ amount on damage in my place keeps going up and up. again as I mentioned, I don't care about money when it comes down to it. sometimes I just feel like maybe one time there will be an ambulance that arrives here for me because of the last chance I gave him. I hope it's not true. I guess he deserves one more chance. I hope you all can draw on your strong will and desire for a better life and not end up in a situation like that.
kmb2006 Re: When was your breaking point with his meth use?
I did, three weeks ago today as a matter of fact. I came home from the hospital after delivering my son, discovered I had been financially devastated by my addict husband - again, and took off for another state with no intention of ever returning. I knew I wasn't strong enough to face him in person. I had to have space and distance to get some perspective.

Today, he is in a rehab center and is 14 days clean.
UCLAngelr Re: When was your breaking point with his meth use?
YES,...I have gotten to "the point"..

Meth made my formerly mildly-hotheaded husband turn into a volcano. Later, when he was trying to hide his using it got worse, and he turned into a monster.
So actually, I did not wait for things to get to "that point"...things had gotten unacceptable, and I told him so.
I gave him choices...the choice to get clean and sane, or the choice to get out, because I loved him and myself too much to let things continue that way.

Thank God he made the choice to get clean and to stay, and now he respects himself and me.
Re: When was your breaking point with his meth use?
I gave him choices...the choice to get clean and sane, or the choice to get out, ********************************************************************************

You are fortunate UCLAngel. My addict was give this choice twice. Both times he decided that he's tell me and convince me he's clean while better hiding it. To this day he's still trying to convince me but I'm not accepting anything other then recovery and changes I can see. Learned the hard way.

I remember wondering when I was going to have my breaking point. When would I finally have enough. Would it be something big or something small that pushed me over the edge. I warned him that one day I would have my breaking point and then that would be it.

It came and that was it. I was just plum tired of living my life worrying about lies. Couldn't do it anymore. I need honesty and stability or nothing at all.

You'll find your point of no return, like the addict, when your ready. Until then it's hard. Real hard.

Peace and good wishes to you all.
Re: When was your breaking point with his meth use?
when was your breaking point?

My breaking point and his wake up to the reality of what he was doing was when I tried to wake him up because I had found his stash and he threw me across the room.

I got up and looked at him in complete calmness and said " You know you just confirmed what I already thought. You are using. There has never been any other time that I have known you that you have gotten violent with me except when you are using. Touch me again and I will put your a**  in jail so fast it will make your head spin."

He has never touched me again. He has never even gotten close to that point.

UCLAngel Re: When was your breaking point with his meth use?
Time4change, I am sorry things went that way for you. It's funny,...they can get REALLY good at hiding it and lying about it, especially if they've screwed up and been "found out" once. They may even find "allies" who use with them and help them cover it up even better.
Kind of been through that. (Funny how they think you won't know that, too.)

BUT, thankfully, for today, things are supposedly all about being clean and sober. Unless that's just another smokescreen. Time will tell I guess.
My bottom line for my peace of mind...I don't waste my time worrying anymore - an addict will not tell the truth if they are using, but a foolproof drug test WILL.
blondie Re: When was your breaking point with his meth use?
Yes I also had my breaking point...I was married for 11 years, when I kicked him out and filed for divorce..
I really wish I had been stronger and left him sooner.
Just like most of you, everything glass in my house was broken.
I allowed him to hit on me. and he was just so much stronger, and it made it hard to fight back. When he hit on my son that was the breaking point for me..
I knew I needed help when I started planning in my mind how I could pay him back, and get away with it. I was planning on taking a baseball bat to him. as you can tell I was also very sick...
Leaving him was the hardest thing I have ever done, because I was so crazy about this man. Looking back I was addicted to the addict...Sometimes I still think about him.
When and if it is time for you to leave you will know in your heart, and you will do what is best for you...
This post has humbled me by admitting something to all about wanting to get back with a baseball bat. Thanks
God Bless

See also:

When does it become rock bottom?

Have you ever said, Enough is Enough?

BF High again! When will this nightmare stop!

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