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Where does my responsibility end for meth addicted sister?


thefunny
farm9
Where does my responsibility end for meth addicted sister?
I am really grouchy tonight. My sister is in treatment for meth and I am trying to be there for her the best I can. I attended a class with her last week (which I loved) I think the 12 step program has great merits and I could learn alot myself from it. The thing is she HAS to do good in treatment and even if she does she still may go to jail
The problem is my husband, he is bipolar and is having a huge problem with any time i spend with my sister. He has major issues himself and is resorting to awful name calling and just being horrible. Our Dad called today and I felt I had to hide on the patio to even talk about my sister. And to dare even post on this site, if he (my husband) finds it in the history he will accuse me of not caring about him or his problem and focusing my time on my sister. I am so torn, I don't know what to do.
I want to be there for her (and I will) but I also want to lessen the abuse I will take from my Husband.
If anyone knows the best way to navigate through this mess I would appreciate any input.
     Replies...
trish70 Re: Where does my responsibility end for meth addicted sister?
It ends wherever and when you want it to!!! I understand your frustration...my sisters meth use has been the focus of our family for the last 2 yrs. My husband got fed up too with always everything about her. He was not abusive but just got sick of it.... and honestly I was sick of it

I know you want to be there for your sister but truth is this is her recovery. She will recover or not with or without you. I know it is hard to balance and you want to be there. Try to focus on your life and what you need to do. As for hubby being bipolar...that does not give him a right to call you names.

Do not have any answers but I totally understand!!! You cannot please everyone but just take care of you!!!
Crystal
Clear
Re: Where does my responsibility end for meth addicted sister?
Ditto .... it ends when YOU stop it. Boundries ....
Is there a time when your husband is at work? Perhaps speaking to family concerning issues with your sister is better done then. Rough stuff I know, but perhaps with a little creative management and cooperation things could get better. Just a thought.

Curious about your husband ... is he on medication for Bi-Polar disorder?
thefunny
farm9
Re: Where does my responsibility end for meth addicted sister?
Thanks for the great advice. My husband is on medication for the bipolar after a couple of hospital stays, he takes his meds but is still one angry individual. Bipolar is interesting, it seems that everything that occurs in a so called regular life is amplified in his. Sounds, smells, any kind of pressure whatsoever mounts into something huge. We can have a disagreement over there being left overs in the fridge and it escalates into something enormous. If you haven't lived with a bipolar person, you can never imagine. It must be like the manic phase of meth.
The smallest things become huge and the biggest things are ignored, it is very strange and interesting, hell to live it, but interesting nevertheless.
I love my bipolar husband and I love my meth addict sister but they are both about to give me a heart attack here. I am fairly young LOL and I want to have some kind of life.
My very selfish part that I keep hidden is screaming...."WHAT ABOUT ME?"
Ok thanks for rsponding when I was being really b*tchy
forget
suzette
Re: Where does my responsibility end for meth addicted sister?
The only thing you are responsible for is what you can control.

the only thing you can control, is the area with in your skin.

the only person who is responsible for your happiness, and well being....is you.

do you want to see your sister?
do you want to be bitched out about it?

what do YOU want to do?

figure that out, and do it.
.....and stand by your decision.

what you need is as important as what the rest of us need.
trish70 Re: Where does my responsibility end for meth addicted sister?
Oh funny how I can relate!!! I feel the same...what about me??? I ask that too Why is it alway about her???

It sounds like you have alot going on family, sister and husband. Just do not forget to take time for yourself when you need it. And let your sister, husband and family learn to take care of themselves....you might be suprised that they can do it.

Just keep reading, learning and oh ya deep breath!!!

I alway chant the Serenity Prayer with things get too out of control...sometimes it helps!!!???
andie28 Re: Where does my responsibility end for meth addicted sister?
my huband is bipolar, i know how everyone feels.
my life sucks, everythig revolves around him, but I pick up the pieces of his mess, and I get stuck with the abuse. thaat is what I am supposed to do,
Kellhappy Re: Where does my responsibility end for meth addicted sister?
Picking up other people's pieces and putting up with their abuse is NOT what we are supposed to do. We are responsible for our own mess and our own pieces. You can love people and still let them be responsible for their own lives. I am quite bad at all that, and am trying to learn how to let go, accept, and not feel responsible for other people's problems, or for "fixing" them. When we pick up the pieces and/or put up with abuse, we are not helping the other person. Helping is encouraging them to be the best they can be, not putting up with the worst. Picking up the pieces only makes it easier and more convenient for them to keep falling to pieces, to keep abusing, to keep living in a destructive way.
Meth
Phobia
Re: Where does my responsibility end for meth addicted sister?
Hello...

I can understand your situation and can just imagine the amount of pressure and stress you're under...

If you can squeeze some time out for yourself...may I suggest reading the book...

Codependent No More by Melody Beattie
ISBN 0-89486-402-5
forget
suzette
Re: Where does my responsibility end for meth addicted sister?
I suggest doing what you damn well please.
...life is short.

See also:

The poor addict?

How to support an addict without sounding sorry?

Does remorse ever set in for Meth users?

Son off meth two years, am I enabling or helping him now?


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