KCI The Anti_Meth Site

Question for loved ones of a meth addict in recovery

JUSTCATS	Question for loved ones of a meth addict in recovery... Just out of curiosity, when your addict got into recovery or a NA program... did they change back to their old, meth-free self or was the same "addicted personality" visible for awhile? I have so many people in my life that have become addicted to meth. I am curious as to if they do get into recovery, will they return to the same people that I loved, that loved me or will, all of the brain and physical damage be visible for quite some time? Do they ever return to their old self or do they always remain shallow, self centered and bitter? Do the addicts ever really say that they are sorry for all of the pain that they have inflicted on family and friends?
Sfj	Re: Question for loved ones of a meth addict in recovery... Nobody returns. The best you can hope for is that through treatment and recovery, they become a better person than they were before they started using. That is a more common outcome. The issue of remorse, guilt, and shame is really huge and severe for many of us. We do everything we can to make amends, apologize, seek to pay any and all restitution, retribution and do everything possible to make up for past wrongs, crimes, sins, errors, and problems we caused. We seek forgiveness and we repent - but it is never enough.
jacks mom	Re: Question for loved ones of a meth addict in recovery... My daughter actually seems to be a much more pleasant person than even before the meth. She was a difficult child (emotionally), and then meth made it 100 times worse. Took a LONG time before I could 'see' her changing. But it's been all for the better. Don't EXPECT a sorry or acts of remorse. Some people have too much pride for that and can only show it in their positive actions. This is what I live with and if I keep expecting a verbal 'sorry' I may be too damn old to even comprehend it! I just figure...my daughter is alive and off drugs and trying to make up for lost time.
Bent But Not Broken	Re: Question for loved ones of a meth addict in recovery... We seek forgiveness and we repent - but it is never enough Sfj~ Maybe you don't "return" but are blessed when you come back "stronger". Through counseling and working on the parts of us the drug let us think we hid behind, don't you think maybe this second (or 22nd) chance at life, with love and prayers from those around us, makes us have more self-knowledge, better coping skills, and in some cases, better individuals? I know I am faced with acknowledging many untouched issues in my life through counseling along with the amends and other things I must do. No, it won't be pretty or easy either. This time in therapy I am holding nothing back cos I might not be this brave again, even hearing things about me I DO NOT AT ALL want to hear, much less, own and learn to change and forgive. The way I see it, I at least have a 50/50 chance of getting out of my addictions better than the person who went in to the addictions. I intend on giving it my all this time round cos I'm not getting younger.
Rachel sue76	Re: Question for loved ones of a meth addict in recovery... *Quote:* did they change back to their old, meth-free self or was the same "addicted personality" visible for awhile? There are things about my husband's "old self" that have changed drastically and that is a good thing. For example, he used to be able to sell anything to anyone and make at least double the money that he had invested. He had no qualms about who he sold to or what he sold them as long as he made money. Now, he just doesn't have it in him to screw people out of their money. Some of his addict behaviors are still there even after 6 months not using. I think that he did them for so long that they are habit. *Quote:* I am curious as to if they do get into recovery, will they return to the same people that I loved, that loved me or will, all of the brain and physical damage be visible for quite some time? I hope that he never returns to the same person that he was before he used meth. In my opinion, when we love someone we love them for what they once were and for the person that they become over time. We all change as time goes by. Why should we expect any different from someone just because they are an addict? I read some where that it takes about 18 months for the healing of the brain. So I would say that yes, the damage is visible for a long time. Some things are permanent. *Quote:* Do they ever return to their old self or do they always remain shallow, self centered and bitter??? Some people remain the way you describe even with out being an addict. Some people choose to be different then that. I think that it is all a matter of how you decide that you want to live your life. *Quote:* Do the addicts ever really say that they are sorry for all of the pain that they have inflicted on family and friends? Yes they do. I know that with my husband, it was like he was over doing things to make up to me and our children the time that was lost when he was first getting clean. He made sure that he was here for every birthday, made sure that he remembered every holiday, and did thoughtful things just to do them. Unfortunately, as is so often the case it seems in life, we were not past what had happened enough to accept what he was doing with an open heart. He was doing what he thought would show that he cared but, it was not what we needed at the time. Now things have evened out a bit more and looking back, I can see how he was doing the best that he could. That is all that any of us can ask from anyone.