KCI The Anti_Meth Site

Wife addicted, seeking treatment, but is on probation

Sevristh	Wife addicted, seeking treatment, but is on probation. Thank you first to all who have made this site. It provided me with the information needed to make my wife be honest with me about her using Meth. I have several questions that I hope some of you can help with... First off, after being gone all weekend, she called me crying and I picked her up at a local gas station and she adamantly wants to go into a treatment facility. However, since she is on intense probation, and she used meth on Friday, the treatment center would detect this and her probation officer would most likely violate her probation, thus sending her to jail which, in my opinion would not be as helpful as a treatment facility and may in fact nurture feelings of anger that would be detrimental to getting help once she was out. Anyone see any ways of dealing with this? It also doesn't help that we live in a small town and her PO is her ex-step-mother and does not like her much at all. Secondly, I have no idea where to begin, nor does she, on which facility might be best. We live in west central Georgia. I have been told about Teen Challenge I think it was, in Alabama. But it's a one year inpatient facility. I also talked to a lady on the phone today that I found in the yellow pages and they have a 45 day program. At this point, I should point out that she used occasionally before we got married (she says once or twice a month). She then quit cold turkey until about three to four months ago. Now, she is at a point where she is using 3 to 4 times per week. Usually anywhere from 3 - 8 "bowls" each time. (I don't know what this means, just quoting her.) She has also mentioned smoking it off foil using a pen to avoid my detection. I just wondered if anyone here would have some insight as to HOW addicted she is (she has no outward signs of it, except for jerking at night and anger issues) and what the best method of treatment at this point would be. We also have a chance to move back to my home of Chicago, but I don't know how that would work with her probation. I think that if it were possible, it would help in as much as she would be around my friends and be in a better class of people. (all of whom would embrace her. My friends are not judgmental at all in that respect). Thanks to all who reply! Dave
Replies...
Loraura	Re: Wife addicted, seeking treatment, but is on probation. *Quote:* However, since she is on intense probation, and she used on Friday, the treatment center would detect this and her probation officer would most likely violate her probation, thus sending her to jail Medical professionals keep medical information confidential. They will not call her PO. However, she SHOULD call her PO, and let them know she has decided to go into treatment. She should also request a different PO since there were family ties to her current PO at one point. Sounds reasonable to me. Only she can know if she's an addict, however, Meth is EXTREMELY addictive due to how it works inside the brain. Read Here to understand how it damages the brain with each use. *Quote:* it would help in as much as she would be around my friends and be in a better class of people. Meth doesn't discriminate, so while a move might temporarily disrupt her supply, she CAN find it ANYWHERE if she looks for it. She will need to learn how to cope with life without needing to use meth or other drugs before she can get a handle on her addiction. NA is free and widely available. http://www.na.org/ Link at the top to find meetings near you.
scorpio	Re: Wife addicted, seeking treatment, but is on probation. I spent a great deal of time dealing with the criminal justice system as a drug and alcohol counselor. I have never seen a person violated for going into treatment, for one thing, the treatment facilities that I have worked for, share only minimal information with probation and parole officers, i.e. dates of treatment, expected out date. Even if your wife where to call her probation officer and tell him that she was going into treatment because she can't stay clean, I do not think they would violate her, they almost never violate someone for self admission while seeking help. I've actually NEVER seen it happen. Talk to the treatment facility, and express your concern, and see what they have to say about it. I'm sure they will put your mind at rest.
Sevristh	Re: Wife addicted, seeking treatment, but is on probation. Scorpio & Loraura, Thank you both. Firstly, I did call a treatment facility that I found in the yellow pages and the lady said that they do an initial screening that is able to be requested by the parole officer and, in this case, it would list my wife as "currently using". Secondly, how does one go about requesting a new PO? Especially in a small hick town? I would think the criminal justice system would just think that she was whining. Any insight is appreciated! Thank you so much! You all have no idea what peace you bring to the minds of us that suffer outside the circle. Dave
Loraura	Re: Wife addicted, seeking treatment, but is on probation. Well Dave, before you break your back trying to jump through all these hoops, keep in mind that these are HER HOOPS to jump through. She needs to be making these calls. She needs to be asking the questions. She's able to take care of herself, truly she is, and she needs to start doing so. Don't let her rob you of your well deserved role as supporter and number 1 fan. She has to be taking action HERSELF in order for you to have something to support. So Dave, what is SHE doing about her addiction?
Sevristh	Re: Wife addicted, seeking treatment, but is on probation. I know what you mean, and I might have given a bit of a false impression. I did call the one place out of the yellow pages right after having picked her up, because we were going to go right there. But then the topic of what the PO might do arose and we had to sit back and think. Honestly? I think she is on the edge right now. I think if she gets threatened with jail she may try to run. I don't want that to happen, but then I know it's not really my decision. As for the Teen Challenge, that was an option brought up by our pastor whom she has been doing her community service with. Right now she is sleeping. Her PO is not in today because it's Columbus Day, so she gets a 24 hr reprieve. She has even said she will come to work with me tonight and sleep in the car (I work third shift) so as to provide peace of mind that she is not going to use tonight. Tomorrow, SHE will call her PO and make an appointment for both of us to go see her. Our pastor has also offered his help if it is needed. My only fear is that this PO is a scorned woman by my wife's father. I would hate for personal feelings to come into this. My wife did wrong. She continued to do wrong. But now she wants to do right. I think she deserves a chance without any preconceptions against her. Basically, my questions were and are, how can one request a change of PO? Have any of you ever done it and succeeded? Also, is a 45 day program less successful than a 1 year program? What should I look for?? I know how to find a good auto-body shop or even how to tell when/where and how long ago a deer passed through this neck of the woods... But when it comes to drug treatment facilities, I am lost. And yes, it should be her doing, but I want her to get into the best one possible with what we have. I do have Blue Cross/Blue Shield insurance as well. Believe me, I am not trying to shield her from anything deserved. I merely want her to have her fair shot. I have told her in no uncertain terms the pain that she has caused me and that this will be my last attempt at helping her. Dave
silly veronica	Re: Wife addicted, seeking treatment, but is on probation. Dave, I have been in your shoes. My addict has been in/out of jail and also served 9 months in prison. He has done outpatient treatment as well as NA meetings. He is currently attending weekly court-ordered support meetings. I know what it feels like to think, "this is the last chance," and "I have to do everything I can to ensure he/she has a shot at recovery." WE want it so badly - we will do anything and everything in our power to make sure it happens. But WE can't make it happen, Dave. I know exactly what you are saying, I have been there, I have felt it all. And 3 years later, I'm no closer to that end than I was at the beginning. It's theirs to do, not yours, and not mine. Having said all that, I'm not sure how to find "the best" treatment center in your area ... regardless, I think this is something SHE needs to pursue. Does she have a family physician who could help? Maybe your pastor has a recommendation? What I have learned in the last 3 years is that abstinence is not recovery. She needs to do more than just stop using - she needs to figure out the underlying issues that caused her to use in the first place. Treatment will help with this, but NA is also an excellent starting point. REGARDLESS, all of your "getting it" and "understanding it" and "wanting it" will do no good for her - she has to "get it" and "understand it" and "want it" for herself - she needs to do all the work, ALL of it. As far as getting a new PO, I would assume you would request this through the courts somehow. I don't know HOW to do it, but I know it's possible, and it sounds like the circumstances she's in would definitely qualify for a changing of PO's.
EHEYE ASHER EHEYE	Re: Wife addicted, seeking treatment, but is on probation. Hi I just posted yesterday asking if any one remembered a free rehab program awhile back that was posted here. And they did it's newlifenewbeginning.com. You can look for my name and click on the link provided there by someone who was helpful to me. When you have your questions answered then perhaps she can go there. It looks like a good program. Also if you don't want to go to a Christian program you may be able to get her into a recovery program with highland rivers in GA, they have several facilities my daughter works for one of them with addicts. And the state will pay for the program if it's recommended by a judge but only open to women. It might be a good idea to call them and ask how you would go about this. If she can get drug free and say she is having problem not wanting to use and please help me perhaps she can get in. I wish the you and your family the best.
nine years clean	Re: Wife addicted, seeking treatment, but is on probation. Hi Dave, and welcome. My first question is: why are you posting here instead of your wife? I'd really like to talk with her, if that is possible. Not that I have anything against you, of course. But I would like to get a feel for what she is thinking/feeling. I cannot answer your PO questions. If I were your wife I would call my PO's superior and request a new PO due to the history that exists with this person. Anyway, I'd also like to say that your comment regarding "a better class of people" kind of irked me. You see, meth is insidious. It doesn't care who you are or where you came from. I myself came from "The O.C.", a very upper middle class family of professionals, and lucrative beginnings. I am college educated and overall, a pretty cool chick. I am also a former meth addict; I was active in my addiction for 13 years to be exact, and have almost 10 years clean. Meth addicts are not class-less. They are dis-eased, if you get my drift. Addiction is no different than diabetes; it is an involuntary disability, and there is no cure, only treatment. From the bottom of my heart I hope this is the turning point for your wife. I urge you to have her post here. She will be welcomed with open arms and open hearts. We are addicts, recovering addicts, loved ones and family members of addicts. We will do everything in our power to help both of you. Blessings, ps: Is there a Salvation Army treatment facility anywhere in the vicinity? They offer a free inpatient treatment program. Check it out. Also, I got clean in the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous, without any formal treatment whatsoever. NA is a free 12 Step program, and the only requirement is a desire to stop using. I underline anonymous so that you know her identity will be safe there.
GaFlake	Re: Wife addicted, seeking treatment, but is on probation. dave I am from Georgia too, and my husband just completed 45 days at Ridgeview institute in Smyrna. It is one of the best facilities in the country. On Tuesday nights at 7:30 he goes to a cma (crystal meth anonymous) meeting in the old courthouse in Douglasville. The people at these meetings are very nice people, and know a lot about rehab facilities. Your wife might could go tomorrow night. I am so sorry you are going thru this. I know it hurts like hell. Keep your head up. Maybe this will be a good starting point.
danima l55	Re: Wife addicted, seeking treatment, but is on probation. Gotta agree Dave, Lori IS "a pretty cool chick" I also agree that this is thee place for you AND your wife to get the support you both need. We're recovering addicts, we know the drill. And IMO..."8 bowls" could mean a lot of meth if she smokes it the way I did, my hunch is that she's in deeper than you realize, partial truths are par for the course and we have a strong tendency to downsize the enormity of our addictions. And Dave, there are a LOT of dead addicts from that "better class of people", you'd be amazed! Whatever happens, encourage her to make it happen quickly before this fleeting moment of clarity fades and gives way to the OBSESSION TO USE! Trust me...it will. One more thing....if she's worried about failing a drug test, it takes 3-5 days after the last use to test negative. By the same token, there comes a time when we simply have to begin to be honest...it's brutal honesty that ultimately saves our butts. And how true it is.... "we're as sick as our secrets"! Many amazing recoveries begin right here, your wife could very well be next...if she chooses.
Sevristh	Re: Wife addicted, seeking treatment, but is on probation. 9er, I am sorry... I didn't mean that the way it sounded... Rather, the opposite of how you took it. I think (and this is purely speculation) that here in west Georgia some things about the meth crowd are a bit different than in the areas you all describe... I have spoken with policemen all the way down to a guy I work with who is a loss prevention associate for Wal-Mart, and in this area, you can just about line up ten people randomly and pick out the meth addicts on sight. I am not saying that it's not into the more 'regular' middle or upper middle class families as well, I was just pointing out that it is RAMPANT in the "trailer trash" that seems to surround this area. I have seen the friends of hers that do meth, and they all fall into that category. So, I guess a better expression of my point would be to say that the class of people she tends to hang around here is A LOT more likely to be into it than the people I hung around up north. I may be wrong, but that's my take on it. I have been trying to get her to come on her and read and post but she has mostly been sleeping since she came back, and planning on going to see her PO today. Dave
luve piphany	Re: Wife addicted, seeking treatment, but is on probation. Hey Dave, I know what you meant and so does 9er, she just wanted you to know that there are many meth addicts that don't look like the posters on the websites and do look and act like every other functioning person on the street. I too have a loved one who for many years looked and acted just like he was "fine" when he was actually hanging out in the dumpsters and sitting in the parking lot at Wal-Mart and passing out in the dope houses or wherever. He never had sores, or tweaked very openly, and had all of those "meth addict look" people to hang with who didn't give a damn who he was, they only cared about the dope. I used to ask him if he wanted to be just like them? He always said no, feeling a bit superior, until he was finally arrested-twice, sat in jail for a period of time got out and is waiting for the big sentencing. He is now looking much more like "those people", he is really now, acting much like "those" people and "those" people still do dope with him and make him think he is doing just fine. Meth doesn't discriminate and the users don't really even care after a while. I know my addict has the times when he knows what he is looking like and how low he is living, but as soon as he uses, he feels like a million bucks. He forgets all of his miserable life problems and what he looks like on the outside until the dope wears off...that is what is so DANGEROUS about this drug!! This is one instance in life that it pays to think the worst can happen because it always does eventually.
Jamie J1979	Re: Wife addicted, seeking treatment, but is on probation. Drug Treatment Facility Finder Use the link above. All you do is enter you city and state and treatment options will pop up. If your town is too small then enter a city close to you. Good luck. I agree with the others when they say that medical info in confidential but it's still a good idea to notify her PO about her decision to enter treatment. My Mom works in the legal system she chose to help my brother when he got into trouble with the law. She said it's fairly easy to request a PO change in your case because there is a conflict of interest, the conflict of interest is the family relation of the PO and the person on probation. Contact the court and get the ball rolling. Now, as far as moving goes--I have a friend who just moved while on probation. She didn't commit a serious crime, it was a misdemeanor not a felony. She has been in intensive outpatient for the last year, she has no dirty urine analysis results on her record, she is in total compliance therefore her PO approved her move. Moving is sometimes allowed, it all depends on the individuals personal situation. Maybe a move will be granted but she will probably have to show she is doing things to improve herself first like going to treatment. I've been to inpatient treatment and I don't recall ever being given a drug test. Like someone else mentioned even if she was listed as currently using she is seeking help and that will be taken into account. I doubt she would be punished for seeking help for her addiction. That brings us to the main point--her addiction. I'm a recovering addict and the loved one of a addict, in my case it's my boyfriend of 4 years. You must realize that it's great to help someone we love when they are in this type of situation but they have to take a active role in their recovery. You can't do everything for her. Make her get involved in seeking out a treatment center and whatnot. Another thing is this--don't get your hopes up. I'm not trying to be negative, I'm just being real. Many addicts do not stay clean after their first attempt at treatment especially if they aren't too gung ho about going in the first place. If they are entering treatment to please a partner, the courts, their kids, their parents, etc then they often end up relapsing because they weren't motivated to get clean for themselves. If you really want some info on the correct and healthy way to help a addict then read this book-Codependency No More. I'm not saying you are codependent. I'm just saying read this so you know what not to do so you don't fall into becoming codependent because it's easy to do when dealing with addicts. There is a fine line between helping and hindering, this book helps you learn what's really helpful and what's not when helping a loved one. Get it as soon as you can. It's helped me more than you could know. Good luck.
Sevristh	Re: Wife addicted, seeking treatment, but is on probation. Well, my wife's PO came by today to check on her and my wife asked her about going to Ridgeview and the PO was actually all for it, so we have an appointment for 9am tomorrow morning. Our hopes now is that they will allow her to enter the inpatient treatment, because both of us think that the outpatient just wouldn't be enough for her at this point. So anyhow, wish us luck Dave
Jamie J1979	Re: Wife addicted, seeking treatment, but is on probation. That's great that things worked out with the PO. They are usually all for someone getting into treatment because it shows that person is trying to improve themselves. Usually drug addicted people commit crimes while high or to get funds to get high so the PO looks at it as a good thing that the person is addressing his/her issues that caused them to become involved in criminal activity. Inpatient is a good start, it's best is she follows up with outpatient if she wants to stay on track. Remember treatment is NOT a cure. Recovery is a life long process. Remember stopping the drug use is just the beginning. She needs to work at staying clean by either attending 12 step meetings, a support group of some kind, therapy, all these things are necessary if she wants to truly be in recovery. It takes effort to stay clean. We all find what works for us. In my case it's a women's support group that meets once a week, acupuncture for cravings, 12 step meetings, and outpatient treatment. If she gets out of rehab and just goes back to behaving in old ways she won't stay clean. She needs to stay busy. I find that getting involved in a hobby as well as doing the standard things like therapy and support groups really helps me stay clean. When we get out of rehab we are all excited and feel like we have this addictin thing licked. That's the pink cloud feeling, the feeling like everything is all good. That passes though and that's when we learn that staying clean takes a lot more than just staying off the dope. So encourage her but make her be responsible for her recovery. You can't do it for her no matter how much you want to. If she relapses then she relapses, hopefully she's dust herself off and try again. I feel I'm only where I'm at today because I didn't give up trying. I had hope that someone I could get clean. So whenever I messed up I took responsibility and promised myself to try treatment once again. If one thing didn't work than I tried another. I really hope things work out. Right now the best thing for you is to start attending Al Anon meetings, these meetings are for the loved ones of addicts. We often need help just as much as the addict.