xxaddict
|
Lies and Trust: A meth addict's perspective
I’ve been reading a lot about trust and lies and the addicts lately. Now I don't know any of your addicts. So I will try to tell you how it was with me. Back when I was using. If someone who might have threatened my addiction would have asked me if I was using. I would have lied like I believed it myself. Their is no way I would jeopardize my addiction. That's the first thing I learned in addiction school. Never admit what you are doing. If it might mean someone was going to want you to quit.
Lying became much easier than the truth. It became a way of life for me. The only way I thought I could keep my addiction safe. I think I thought the lies even benefited the people I was lying to. You know. What they didn’t know couldn’t hurt them. How sick is that?
I know addicts that won’t even admit to them selves. Let alone normies or other addicts that they are addicts. And that’s probably the most damaging lie of all. When you can’t even admit to yourself that you are an addict. Unless you believe you have a problem you have nothing you need to fix. As for trust. While I was using I never doubted any of my decisions. At least none I can remember. I trusted myself and my decision making completely. No matter how bizarre it all seems to me now. At that time I never gave what I was doing a second thought. But within the first month of my clean time I began to see thing much differently. I was completely dumb founded by what I had been thinking and doing. I mean it was like I was watching someone else not me. I just couldn’t believe how I had lived in active addiction. I lost all trust in my thinking. And to this day it's hard to trust my thinking. It makes my moving forward with my life slow and uncertain. I’m not trying to say not to trust or believe your addict. But I am saying that you shouldn't trust and believe them just because you love them or because of whom they use to be. Or who you want them to be. When I was in active addiction I wasn’t even who I wanted to be. Let alone who other people wanted me to be. I couldn’t be trusted. Period. Listen to what they say. Does it make sense to you? Does what their doing look normal to you. Trust yourself. Chances are if your addict is really trying to get clean you will know it for sure. While I was in active addiction. I was in a defensive mode. Whether I used the truth or a lie didn’t make any difference. Just what ever I thought worked best. And you can trust that. I wish you all the best in your life. Now on a liter note. In 3 days I will be 40 months clean from meth after a 15 year addiction. My wife and I are still together. And we love each other very much. I put her through hell on this earth. And I don’t know why she stayed. But I am so very grateful that she did.
I haven't told her that lately either. But I’m going to when she gets home.
And that’s the truth.
Greg
|
| Replies... |
logolove
|
Re: Lies and Trust: A meth addict's perspective
Greg-
Thank you for posting something I needed to read today and to remember. It is eye opening and it makes me reflect back a long time ago to my addiction and bring forward those memories and apply them to the behavior I have seen in the person I love but cannot be with because of his addiction and the lies he tells and also believes...
You have such an awesome gift in how you present to the rest of us here your wisdom - it is so easy to read and relate. |
namakimi
|
Re: Lies and Trust: A meth addict's perspective
Greg...
I have to thank you for posting this...I'm going to post it on my refrigerator door...
My husband (King of The Enablers) needs to see this...
We just discovered last night that she used his credit card number to open a cell phone account. This happened 4 years ago and is just now coming to light because of a letter from a collection agency.
The bill is almost $5,000.....
How'd she get the card number? He gave it to her one time because "she was hungry, and wanted to order a pizza"....
I don't know how much more it will takes before he's able to see that she is NOT worthy of trust at this point in time....
|
robert
borges
|
Re: Lies and Trust: A meth addict's perspective
But within the first month of my clean time I began to see thing much differently. That statement is so true...and what a great thing to happen...for some seeing things clearly takes a while. But with wanting to quit having clean time. helps us to realize what we were doing and what we are willing to do and then we start the process of recovery. Move on and better our selves which turns our lives around for the better. It’s never too late to quit............ |
xxaddict
|
Re: Lies and Trust: A meth addict's perspective
When I took away the drugs. It was like changing channels on the TV. I went from the science fiction channel to the discovery channel or something. And it happened about that fast.
|
