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I need advice, is my marriage over because of Meth?
| janit |
my marriage over because
of Meth?
Okay this is my first
post and I need to know some answers if anyone can help. My
husband of 22 years left us in July 05 on the 4th of July to be
exact. He had been involved in an affair with a reportedly bad
meth/alcoholic/bipolar hooch for 3 months before leaving us. If
the rumors are true about her putting meth in his beer at the
bar...could he have gotten addicted that quickly??? Enough to
leave us without so much as an argument? She even made an appt
for him at her lawyers office before he left home and I rec'd
divorce papers in the mail by the end of August of last year. He
has not tried to contact me at all and just the night before he
left he told me as I was falling asleep that he loved me and
couldn't ever imagine life without me...I don't understand. My
divorce falls final 2 weeks today...OMG !!! He has never as so
much as answered his cell phone when I call him. The last time I
tried to reach him was back the end of May of this year. Any
ideas???? Is my marriage really over.. |
| Replies... |
| Loraura |
Re: my marriage over because of Meth?
If you're not familiar
with how meth affects brain chemistry, maybe this will help
explain why your husband seems to have instantly turned into
another person over night:
Meth and the Brain |
| JUSTCATS |
Re: my marriage over because of Meth?
I hate to say it, but be
thankful that your marriage is over, if he is still on meth.
Nobody deserves to live the rest of their life, with a meth
addict.
Meth addicts change completely, internally and externally. They
become bitter and angry and violent. NOTHING AT ALL MATTERS TO
THEM, EXCEPT FOR THE NEXT METH HIGH, AND HOW THEY ARE GOING TO
GET IT.
Meth addicts lie, lie, lie to cover up their addiction and
anything that comes in the way of getting that next high. They
hear things and see things and get absolutely paranoid...
Stick around and read all you can, and ask questions. The
addicts here are real sweethearts, and so honest. IMHO I would
let the relationship go. Save yourself... |
dark
fairy420 |
Re: my marriage over because of Meth?
my husband left me in February of this year
and our divorce was final July 5th we have a fifteen month old
daughter and were married for 4 years. anyways I wasn't aware
that he had been using for months even while I was almost dying
during my delivery he was tweaking and I've been finding out
that he had a girlfriend and had been joining strange sex
personals. I am still in shock and miss him so much I don't
understand how he changed everything over night either. all I
can tell you is hang in there and hope he gets the help if needs
you cant make him do it. just stand back, protect yourself
emotionally and love him! good luck to you |
| janit |
Re: my marriage over because of Meth?
Thanks for all the responses but you guys--
isn't 22 years worth saving??? We aren't just talking about a
few years here...yes he's always been an alcoholic and yes he
could be a real dick butttttt - never this. if he did want to
get help and a miracle happens and he called me and asked me to
help him - should I??? My vows said for better or worse and in
sickness and in health....OMG - I can't believe this is really
happening to our family. I still need to know if anyone can
answer it. CAN SOMEONE BECOME ADDICTED TO METH IF IT WAS PUT
INTO BEVERAGES. The kids all want me to let it go and move on,
but I just can't. The youngest child is now 19 and in the army
and I'm going to be alone...all alone. I miss him very much we
did everything together, he was my best friend. I feel like half
of me was stolen....thank you for the web site I can't wait to
read it. |
Kathy as
cmom |
Re: my marriage over because of Meth?
Janit
Nobody can tell you what to do. Go with your heart. You asked
for opinions and here is mine. More than likely, he is lying.
More than likely he is addicted to meth that was a choice made
by him, especially considering the fact that you say he is an
alcoholic. Forgive me if I am wrong and I may be. The signs of
meth addiction are there and in my opinion it was more than
likely his choice and not inflicted by someone else. I'm so
sorry for your pain. I feel you as my daughter is an addict. |
| janit |
Re: my marriage over because of Meth?
Sometimes I have a habit of getting ahead of
myself - here are the facts-- tell me what conclusions you can
make of them; ok.
1. Kids and I went to Florida for 1 week - left A/H home alone.
2. We came home he was very different - secretive and hostile.
Not always but 90% of the time.
3. He no longer was very willing to give me his check on
Fridays. Skipping work a lot for the previous several months.
4. The kids were telling me that when my car pulled up in the
driveway dad gets off his cell phone. And son tells me dad was
talking with a woman. He could tell by the way he was talking. I
didn't believe son.
5. A/H tells me he is a lonely man and that he knows that as
soon as son graduates I am divorcing him. I tell him he couldn't
be more wrong that I love him and he's doing life...he didn't
believe me.
5. He no longer wants or enjoys doing all the things we did
together. i.e.: fishing, flea markets etc.
6. He was trying to pick arguments with the kids and I more so
than normally. (Alcohol) We were not easy participants as we
learned years ago how to detach.
7. At the very end of the holiday weekend he was washing my car
and just threw the sponge down and announced that he was done. I
said with what? He just replied, "with all of it." I said
what do you mean? He didn't answer and went into the house
grabbed a few things and left through the front door so as to
avoid daughter and myself sitting out back where he normally
would leave by. Then we heard his truck leave down the driveway.
I asked daughter did your dad really leave? She said yes. We
haven't heard from him since.
8. Four months go by with no money no nothing. The holidays come
and go and nothing for the kids or on their birthdays.
Are these the actions of a meth addict? |
| janit |
Re: my marriage over because of Meth?
I forgot to mention that at our last hearing
which was in August just 3 weeks ago. He must have lost 50 or
more pounds!!! I have lost 20 pounds over the last year due to
this whole mess. But 50???? His face was all sunken in and it
was about 90 degrees outside and he had on long sleeves.
Probably to hide the weight loss is my guess. But he was filthy.
He would have never gone into a court house looking like that.
And he would not utter one word to me. He just sat there looking
straight ahead. No emotion no life just dead eyes. I wanted to
just cry. Someone told me that his teeth were not great. He
always had beautiful teeth. When he left us in July 05 he was
180 pounds and 5'8" which hey you guys he was a stud muffin and
still is in my eyes. I only see sickness surely the man I
married is in there somewhere isn't he? I'll shut up now. Thanks
for all of your patience but I just have to know. |
| JUSTCATS |
Re: my marriage over because of Meth?
Quote:
CAN SOMEONE BECOME ADDICTED TO METH
IF IT WAS PUT INTO BEVERAGES
Yes, they can become addicted if it was
put in their drinks, but in my opinion, that is another meth
addict's lie to cover up for his addiction.
He makes a choice every single time he uses. He is an addict,
plain and simple. The disregard he is showing for you and his
children is purely the way that an addict acts. They care about
nothing more than their addiction.
If he wants to get help for his meth addiction, that is
wonderful- but you cannot do it for him~ YOU CANNOT RESCUE HIM
AND SAVE HIM. THE CHOICE HAS TO BE HIS.
You asked for our opinions and we gave them to you. Whether you
listen to what we have to say, and take our advice is up to you.
We have been where you are. There are many of us that have hung
on and stuck it out, with our addicts, until it nearly killed
us. Believe us, we are not heartless people here, when we give
you advice.
I was also, in a relationship, with my addict for many years. I
stuck by him and gave him the benefit of the doubt, over and
over. What did I get in return-lied to, financially broke, and
cheated on with a meth wh*re, and physically battered, when he
went into a paranoid frenzy.
Like I said, read and ask questions. Take what we are saying
from our experience. See his addiction for what it "really is."
He is NOT the same man that you married- I guarantee that. The
meth devil has taken that person away, just as he has my fiancé,
sons, daughters... |
| JUSTCATS |
Re: my marriage over because of Meth?
Quote:
Are these the actions of a meth
addict?
YES, YES, YES, YES YES!!!!!! The writing
is all over the wall in bright neon letters. YOU HUSBAND IS AN
ADDICT! |
| janit |
Re: my marriage over because of Meth?
Okay Justcats, now I'm crying pretty hard and
the reality has just HIT me... I know all of you are right. I
want to take this time for all of your input and I will let it
go now. my marriage is over and my husband has gone to the dark
side. I will stay strong for the kids and grandkids and just
move on which is all I can do anyway. My heart goes out to all
of the loved ones and addicts out there and I wish there was
something I can do. I know that it has to be his decision and
his alone. He is not interested in getting well nor have I had a
chance to confront him with what I know. It doesn't really
matter now anyway. You were brutally honest and I read your bio
and my heart hurts for you as well as for all who responded to
me. I thank each and every one of you. You know what? When he
and I taught our kids say no to drugs....what part of that
didn't he get? Love and hugs to all. |
| Sfj |
Re: my marriage over because of Meth?
How Meth
Addicts Think and Feel
|
| JUSTCATS |
Re: my marriage over because of Meth?
I'm sorry I made you cry. I just wanted
you to see the reality of the situation, and save yourself and
your children the heartache.
Believe me, I have lived it. I didn't want you to hold on to a
relationship with an addict, like I had, when the writing is
clearly on the wall.
They say meth is the devil's drug, and there is nothing more
truer. Register, and keep coming back and learning about this
addiction. It helped me through the pain, and helped me to let
go and save my sanity.
If you register, send me a PM and I will send you my email
address, if you would like to talk.. |
| janit |
Re: my marriage over because of Meth?
Okay...I'll register and I would
like to talk to you too - thanks for the invite.
Sfj - Thanks for the website - I can't
believe what I'm reading there. I want to learn more so I'm
leaving here for the rest of the evening and reading some more.
Can this drug be for real???? What rock have I been living
under. |
Macy
stiller01 |
Re: my marriage over because of Meth?
Janit
I am sorry you are going through this. Same thing happened to
me. Only I was not married. But I went to San Antonio for work
and came back to a complete a-hole. He was mean and secretive.
We have date night 2 nights a week and he would leave in the
middle of them. Only to him it was ok. I cried so many tears. I
didn't understand. Then I came to this board and learned.
Educated myself. Went to Ala-non. I moved out. Anyway the point
is to educate yourself. Meth sucks. It makes people lose
interest in everything they cared about. Stick around as you
will learn a lot from the peeps on this board.
If he is going to use be happy he is not around. He did you a
favor by leaving. Just read other people's stories who live with
it everyday! |
| Janit |
Re: my marriage over because of Meth?
Macy - I'm so sorry that that happened to you
hun. I just don't understand ....call me naive I guess. How can
they turn away from all that they've known or cared about. 22
year investment in property, kids, spouse etc...even grandkids.
Will they ever regret it? Thanks for responding to my cry for
help. |
Savedin
illinois |
Re: my marriage over because of Meth?
Janit,
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I wish you could've
lived the rest of your life not knowing that meth existed. It is
the devil and it rips families apart. Please educate yourself
and know what you'll be dealing with. Know that addicts lie lie
lie. Do you what you can to protect yourself from your husband
while he's under the spell of this drug.
You and your family will be in my prayers. |
| Janitw |
Re: my marriage over because of Meth?
Thank You Saved...I miss my husband verrrrry
much and even if he wasn't doing the meth thing, the alcohol and
the cheating would have done my marriage in anyway. I don't know
if I could have hurdled that part of the pain and will now never
know because my divorce is final in less than 2 weeks from
today. Brought about by him and his meth addict girlfriend who
he moved in with. But I will stay strong and forge ahead. Thanks
for your concern and your prayers. I wonder though if he will
try and come back. Do they try??? |
nine
years
clean |
Re: my marriage over because of Meth?
Quote:
If the rumors are true about her
putting meth in his beer at the bar...could he have gotten
addicted that quickly???
Yes. No question about it.
Quote:
Is my marriage really over..
I'm sorry to say this, but, it seems
pretty clear to me that yes, it is over.
Quote:
CAN SOMEONE BECOME ADDICTED TO METH
IF IT WAS PUT INTO BEVERAGES
Yes, sweetheart. Yes indeed.
My name is Lori and I was addicted to meth for 13 long years.
I've just turned 50 and I'm a little over 10 years clean.
The man who later became my husband for 15 years, now my
ex-husband, introduced me to the meth monster. To make a long
story short, I finally hit my bottom, got clean, and after I did
my husband, the love of my life, wanted nothing more to do with
me. The addict that he was and still is chose meth over me.
I understand how painful this is for you. I really do. It still
hurts me, and it's been over 10 years. I couldn't believe what
had happened to me and my little family. I couldn't believe the
mess we made of what once was a really good thing.
But we did. And when I tried to fix it I had to face the fact
that I could only fix me. So my marriage was over. And I was
devastated, as you are now.
My heart goes out to you. Welcome to the forum. We are addicts,
recovering addicts, loved ones and family members of addicts,
and we welcome you with open arms and open hearts.
I hope we can help you to help yourself recover; it's not just
us addicts who are affected by meth; it is the loved ones and
family members of addicts as well, and I'm sorry for that
because you didn't volunteer for this gig. The addict chooses to
use, but you had no choice in the matter whatsoever.
It's a shame. A damn shame. |
See also:
Is Love Dead with my husband?
Anyone start detaching while in relationship?
Found out my meth addict (ex-fiance) is a new daddy
Practical tips for surviving a spouse's addiction
Husband / relationship question - why does he neglect me?
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